Embeded

I sat on the window sill, looking at the final stages of the sun setting. The birds flying back to their nests, children in the muddy playground shouting and kicking the ball to the net and people rushing to get out of their offices; the usual hustle. Everything still the usual, but nothing amounts to what my heart feels at the moment. Does not seem, I just buried someone six-feet in the ground, someone who had been with me when my own parents kicked me out, someone who had been a support to me her whole life, who hugged me when people pushed me calling out stinky, somebody who always went ahead to make me happy, whose single smile could make me the happiest man alive; my Amma.

I had lost all my will to live waiting for an inevitable death but then I felt a warm hand on my forehead. A woman in her late twenties dressed in black sweatpants and oversized hoodie found me huddled on a cold wet bench, my condition disarrayed and head swaying due to the fever. It was Amma. She had come as an angel in disguise, swept me in her arms away from all the darkness looming around me. That day I had wanted to die however, I heard Amma saying, “Things do not always go the way you want them to."

I grew from a vulnerable five-year-old boy into a muscular hardworking guy. Helping Amma in the chores, massaging her feet before bed, working part-time jobs. My aim was to set up my own hospitality business and buy Amma her own clothing line. Nevertheless, COVID happened and my workplace shut off. I was devastated to be inches away from my goal. Amma hugged me wiping away my tears and became my strength from programming an online hotel booking site to launching it. The response went skyrocketing and hotel owners forming ques to buy. We evolved from living in a 4-room apartment to a mansion in the outskirts of Los Angeles. "Things do not always go the way you want them to."

Amma found Daisey, my beautiful Asian wife and had us tie the knot within a year after the engagement. We were all, over the moon finding out about Daisey's pregnancy and constructing the baby's nursery. Amma wanted it to be beside her room and painted the walls pink herself. I was at the doctor’s appointment with Daisey when we came home to find Amma collapsed by her door. Amidst all the rushing to the doctor and finding out about Amma's cancer, Daisey slipped a few steps and suffered a miscarriage. I was thrown back in the vale of tears, on the cold bench. That is when I felt Amma’s finger brush mine after her being in come for a whole week. She caressed my palm and said the same words, “Things do not always go the way you want them to."

Years kept passing, Amma regained her composure fighting cancer, Daisey was 8 months pregnant and I was awarded the most successful software developer. We had shifted from L.A. to New York living our best lives. I had been able to give back whichever possible to Amma for being a mother more than my own to me. Meanwhile, Daisey gave birth to our sweetheart Xavier, who miraculously had the dimpled smile of his grandma. She would never let him out of her arms and always calling out to him. Maa were Xavi's first words and Amma had cried a river leaving Daisey and I jealous. We were celebrating Xavier's 3rd birthday, when Amma had a severe brain concussion. I remember crying hysterically and running around the hospital holding Amma in my arms. She yet still, had that contagious smile on and managed to whisper her last words before slipping into the oblivion. "Things do not always go the way you want them to."

I now look at my hands which are now empty but had lowered Amma into the ground few days ago. Letting out a deep sigh, I look out the window to find it all dark. Giving Xavier and Ammas portrait one long last look I came out of the room having the words embedded in my head forever, "Things do not always go the way you want them to."