Dear Papi

Dear Papi,

Enclosed is a letter that I have never felt brave enough to admit, tell or give you. For years, I know that you have asked me, in some cases, begged me to open up to you, to trust you, I hope this will suffice.

At first, I came from something singular, a product of complicated young love. As the years passed, I grew into a robust, bubbly little girl with an insatiable deep well for knowledge and the passion of a modern visionary. Thank you for teaching me about art and all the nerdy things that you found helpful and interesting. Thank you for always being in mine and my sister’s lives despite your failed relationship with our mother. Thank you for modeling in the best way that you could, unconditional love and support even when I didn’t deserve it and when I caused you heartache and pain.

As I grew, I was taught that I was an old soul, I was taught respect, courtesy, common decency, and professionalism. I was encouraged to be independent, witty, sarcastic, and bright. I learned to never apologize for who I am and who I've become. Thank you for pushing me to always study and work hard, even when I thought it was annoying or I was ungrateful. Thank you for always being my number one cheerleader and fan, always doing backflips (both figuratively and literally) to celebrate my success even when I was hard on myself and didn’t believe in myself.

As I became a young woman joining the workforce, I used the lessons I learned as a child to catapult myself into the sights of many different companies and businesses. I've worked for CEO's, I've worked for little shops, corporations, offices, boutiques, myself, nobody. I've done it all and the experience and work ethic I have is one in a million. Thank you for modeling what hard work, ambition, persistence and humility looks like and how it should be executed. Your decorated career with the fire department not only made me the coolest girl in school when you would show up for Show ‘N’ Tell and Career Day, but also taught me that patience and the road less traveled pays off. I never held resentment towards you for working so hard, I never felt abandoned or ignored as the sacrifices that you made in the pursuit of the happiness of us always came first. I don’t think I have to say this but I forgive you. You are my hero and that will never change.

The older I get, the more I want to be amazing, as close to perfect as possible, remarkable at anything I put my mind to. I want to be recognized for my hard work and I want to always work hard and create lasting professional and networking relationships. Thank you for teaching me the fine line between using my gifts and talents to teach and help people and being self-centered and conceited. You showed me this time and time again and now as an adult I know that mostly all the advice you’ve ever given me was true and deep rooted in love.

I love and cherish the connection we have now even after my years of self sabotage and estrangement. I’m sorry for not keeping your feelings in mind and breaking your heart time and time again as I ignored your warnings and wisdom. Thank you for always giving me grace, compassion and hugs even when I fought you on it. Thank you for still adoring me even though I grew out of my running-around-in-my-underwear-with-a-towel-cape-around-my-neck superhero phase whilst flexing my muscles. I have come a long way from the little girl who used to watch you reverse out of the driveway of my mother’s house as I cried, wishing that you would save me and that I was honest about how I felt about you. I have traveled far from the snot-nosed rebellious girl that I was in my early 20’s, doing reckless things instead of owning up to my mistakes in fear of swallowing my pride and saying those words I hated at the time: “You were right, Daddy.”

I hope that I have grown into someone that you can be proud of, someone that you truly cherish and forgive. I hope you know that I am totally honored and happy to call myself your daughter and I love how similar we actually are. Thank you for confirming that it’s okay to relax and to just be quirky and oddly unique and not so “perfect” all the time. Thank you for always being around to raise me.

I hope that this is better and gives you just enough insight into me but not quite enough so we have to speak more soon.

Your silly, smart, weird daughter,

xo Nonny