Dear Me

Having a daughter changed everything.

To have a mother was my dream growing up . I was scared , insecure but very responsible. I always wanted my mother because in my heart a mother is suppose to love you. And tha to me was Law.

Boy was I wrong? Or was I?

One day after meditation I finally asked The universe some important questions that I needed answer to. I was fed up . I need to not give a damm about no body and just focus on my child and I.

But first I had to forgive my self. And forgive everyone that hurt me.

How do I forgive that? How do I forgive someone that is not even Sorry? How do I love someone that betrayed the child in me. I don’t want hate. I want love .

I prayed in my bathroom with the lights off . I cried for the first time as I talked to something I believed had to be listening to me . Suddenly my naked wet body started to glow . I felt my body vibrating but so calm . something happened that moment.

I asked my self Do I want to be happy? “yes”.

Than if I want to be a happy person I need respect , honesty , loyalty , love, kindness, power, I wanted influence others to be happy .

I need it to become that first .

2020 - 2022 were times that now I have in a box. I keep it near because I became something that night . You wouldn't believe it but let me tell you.

“I don't remember the day exactly but something took over me”.

“I surrendered”

I decided I wasn't going to be sad anymore , but in order to not be sad I will need to remove sad ppl out of my life, I will have to befriend happy ppl, read happy things , watch happy things and do happy things. being a happy person will require me to leave everything and everyone that makes me angry or insecure or ashamed. And that began to be my everyday goal .

I started to listen to positive speakers and listen to books that I can learn something from. I listened to books on how I can become that person that I want to be . I began to glow literally also in the outside. I had random calls on my phone and turned out to be exactly what I need it at the moment. I began to loose weigh and feel confident I began to detoxed my self both physically and mentally. In less then a year I manifested My own apartment a dream job and a great relationship with my mother and siblings even the father of my daughter.

In less then 6 moths.

The men that betray me and our daughter suddenly changed. He is present in her life and my baby is happy. The woman that was suppose to nurture me and love me like a mother , now calls every morning and ask how I'm doing and helps out sometimes.

I live in a luxurious apartment . I have a dream job that always wanted , that allows me to home school my daughter and keep her from the crazy things kids learn in school these days.

And most importantly I began to follow my dreams to become a writer, singer, speaker. And I am HAPPY .

But even I'm wondering How? How in the magic voodoo spirit witchcraft did this happened?

To be honest with you I don't know but, I think I have a good idea.

There was a power thatgrabbed me by the hand and I just followed. I didn't know who it was so I began to call it The Universe, God, Creator. I felt the warmth on her hands and a magnet that pulls me closer to her. She sat me down and patiently began to tell me that I am more then just me.She told me that this is the life that I chose to live not too long ago.

But could anyone right in their head choose this life? No money, no home, poor, no support and unfortunate in love and wealth. How could I have chosen that ? I don't think so.

The univeresed assured me that I did. She opened a bright book and all I saw was the bright light slowly damming down until I see pictures and words. And what I saw was incredible!

I saw me waking up and seeing my self in the mirror , I noticed wings on me as if I was an angelic human being . The Universe grabbed my hands and we both transported our mind and body in the book.

She began to show me my fears and my gifts and I was becoming someone unrecognizable. I started to accept who I was. I began to take out my diplomas and certifications that I have earned thru out those dark years. And it reminded me as a little girl talking to her. I began to remember her again. and she smiled.

"Its you I said to the universe. I immediately began to remember me as a child talking to her when I felt scared and when I missed my Dad and my Mom . I remember her . We talked as she walked me thru all the stages in my life. After visiting all my past we finally sit and rest on a bench.

Suddenly I hear a baby crying in the distance. The Universe and I grab each others hands and stop infront of a pink door. I can hear the baby crying very clear now as I walk thru and see the most beautiful baby laying on her crib. She is about 5 months old . She is crying hysterically so I grab her carefully and sooth her. I remember how I would comfort my daughter so I sing her a lullaby while she calms her self looking at me deeply in my eyes.

I look at Universe who stands next to me. I can tell how worried Universe felt when she looks at the baby .

I wondered if she knew her .

"You are ok little baby I tell the baby as I kiss her forehead. The baby falls a sleep .

I begin to feel a rush of calmness on my veins they feel warm. I put the baby down on her crib as a tear falls down my face. Universe wipes it off gently and I smiled. We both stare at the beautiful baby that sleeps so calm now .

I hear someone screaming down the hall so I quickly begging to go after the frantic voice . I see another pink door, this time it looks dirty with finger prints , lipsticks, trash even. I open the door and there was a little girl wet in tears , her hair looks like she has not bathe in days and she looks about 5 years old . She kicks things in her room and bangs her head on the wall in despear and fear.

I walk slowly and say hello softly , The little girl looks at me with watery eyes , she is completely naked. I feel something in my throat that couldn't let me speak. But I tell her to come to me as I open my arms and get down to her level. I sit next to her on the wet and dirty floor as I would do with my daughter. She jumps on me and hugs me so tight. Her body feels so cold and soft. She is so afraid and alone. I feel so sorry for this little girl.

The universe passes me a blanket and I wrap her on that soft blanket. I hold her in my arms like a baby and begin to softly touch her face while I sing her a lullaby . Telling her how beautiful her eyes are and how soft her cheeks feel singing to her how much I love her and that she didn’t have to be afraid. The Universe places a bathtub next to us and I begin to wash her hair. I wondered who this girls were and why was I there? The little girl falls a sleep in my arms. She looks so beautiful and clean, her hair is silky and her face is so innocent and soft. I can feel how calm her breathing is now. I put a white dress on her and lay her on the bed that the Universe uses her powers and places in what now looks like a beautiful bedroom full of toys and love.

We walk out of the room quietly I feel a sense of relief now I hear something falling and I run at the sound of a child crying . At the end of the hall I notice The Universe, sitting next to a litte girl. she's wearing a ripped yellow dressed and there's blood dripping from her thighs . My heart skips a beat and I begin to panic I grab a cloth and begin to clean the little girl that looks like she’s about 9 years old. I begin to ask her questions but she wouldn’t answer. I desperately wanted to find who did this to her. I notice a silence and I look back . The girl is giving Universe. I walk slowly feeling her pain she looks at me and jumps on me to hug me. She hugs me for minutes, thou I didn’t care I felt so calm. I don’t want to let go of her. She begins to look much clearer now. She told me what she has been thru as I gently put her to sleep just as I would do for my own child. She falls asleep slowly as she listens to me sing to her a lullaby.

I cover her and kiss her forehead ,thenI hear the sound of an old ripped photograph falling off her hands hitting the floor .

My face feels pale and cold and I feel a cold air in the back of my ears as I take a glimpse of the photograph and see an image of my mother.

It’s me, She is me. The minute that I realized that the three little girls were me! I began to run back and forth to each room and hug the sleeping girls as I sobbed for hours. I understand the pain that I went thru as a little girl . I faced my trauma . Now I feel Broken .

The Universe closes the book and gives it to me.She kisses my forehead and says.

She smiles and says “Welcome home” .

There's a reason why I'm telling you this story. Allow me to open your mind like no one has done it before in a simple form of a story. Keep an open mind to possibilities and let your intuitive imagination take control of your limited beliefs and join me into a spiritual journey that will change your life completely.