Dear Future Daughter

I think that this is the biggest choice I have ever had to make. I am only 18, so it's no surprise that I have yet to face any huge life-altering decision. I honestly hoped I could go my whole life without making any changes to it.

Here is something you should know about your mother: I hate change. Unlike most people my age, I enjoy living a simple, stable, and uneventful life. Of course some events are okay. I mean as long as I can go back to living my generic life the day after.

I should probably let you know what this life changing decision is. Well, if all went according to plan, your mom is a hot successful doctor. How did your mom get to this point? Well, she had to go to med school. I am currently deciding which med school to go to.

You see princess, I was accepted into the University of St. Andrews—starting in September 2022—for Med School. It is an amazing program. I get to attend St. Andrews for the first three years and University of Edinburgh for my last 3. I get to live in the gloomiest, rainiest parts of Europe while studying in my dream program. By the way, your mom is obsessed with rain and clouds—and hates the sun—so "gloomy" is actually a huge pro for me. Anyways, it's an opportunity of a lifetime. I get to become a doctor 2 years before everyone else and get to study with some of the best and brightest in the world. Also, I got admitted into Med School. I'm not sure what it is like for you and your generation, but getting into Med School is insanely difficult.

You're probably wondering how I haven't accepted my offer yet, considering how excited I sound. Unfortunately, nothing is ever so simple.

It is so expensive, like insanely. I'm not sure how bad inflation has gotten for your times yet, so chances are the numbers I am about to say would hardly put a dent in your allowance but, here it goes anyways: $500,000. For reference, that is a hefty sum of cash. I'll have to take loans to get my hands on this type of cash but, on the bright side, doctors salaries are so high that the loan could be paid off within 4-5 years of graduation.

Being that we are Pakistani, the narrative that "family is everything" runs deep through our veins. Now, I'm not sure how much I've personally injected your head with the fundamental ideology but—if I have—you should understand my deep attachment to my parents (or your grandparents). Sure they are strict and can be quite overbearing at times, but they are my whole world. I mean, they're my parents. On top of all that, they are geriatric (that means old). My mom had me at 42, and my dad was 53. And, yes, that is an 11 year age gap. I used to find it weird before, but chances are your other parent and I might have the same gap too. Regardless, they had me old which means I have less time with my parents then most kids my age do. If I leave for 6 years, I'm not going to come home to the same Abu and Mama. I'm not too sure if I can handle that.

Another reason, a bit more technical than before, is the matching back process. If I go to an International Medical school, I am an IMG (International Medical Graduate). If I go to a Canadian Medical school, I am a CMG (Canadian Medical Graduate). If I want to train in Canada (which I do) I need to "match back". The issue is that Canada is very difficult to match back into as an IMG. The acceptance rate is less than 30%. That being said, the acceptance rate into Canadian Med school is below 15% for all schools, and below 10% for the big ones (UBC, U of A, U of T). Worst comes to worst, I can always train in the states and move back when I'm done. So when I weight the odds, going to Scotland may be the better choice.

I'm not sure if my high school friendships ended up being so powerful that you have a group of bad ass women as your aunties. I mean, you tell me. How often do you see Oceane Aunty? Did Amuna Aunty have her own kids, or does she just spoil you? What has Susie Aunty told you about my past? Honestly sweetheart, the idea of leaving these girls behind is so painful. Everyone tells me that I can't hold onto my high school friends and that I need to move on, and I get that. But I've never had friendships so deep and profound in my life. Granted, I haven't lived much of life...but still. Even the girls themselves want me to go. They love and support me so much that—even with the subsequent distance—the girls know this is an opportunity I can't give up. I know I'll make more friends, that has never been an issue for me. But it's hard to let go of something that is so perfect. Honestly, I truly hope you get what I'm saying right now. If you've found friends as wonderful as I have, you'll understand the pain I feel right now. Here's a tip: prioritize your female friendships. Guys (or girls if you're into that) come and go, but these types of friendships will fulfill you more than any relationship ever will.

Despite the 3 long paragraphs I just gave you explaining the cons of this decision, it truly is not all that bad. In fact, it could be pretty amazing. I mean I'll get to study in Europe, that's insane. Granted I'm not sure if I'll have the time—or money—to do too much sight seeing but still; not many people get this type of opportunity. Who knows what I could see and what I could experience? These countries are ancient, with buildings older than the country I live in. Their cultures, although largely stolen, are rich with history. Of course I could always take the time to visit these countries to see all these aspects by myself, but living somewhere and immersing yourself in their day to day lives is much more fulfilling. Who knows if I'll ever get an opportunity like this again.

Although I love my friends and will miss them more than life itself, I can admit that I have struggled to branch out from this girl group I developed in 7th grade. Well, maybe I shouldn't say struggled because—truthfully—I never really tried. The comfort zone is exactly what it says: comfortable. My friends are exactly that: comfortable. Placing myself in a whole new continent with whole new people would force me to branch out: uncomfortable. It seems scary just thinking about it, but it could be so beneficial. Who am I kidding, I know it will be. I'm sure I won't find replacements, that's not even what I want. I'll meet people who have different opinions, backgrounds, and accents rather than the same personal clones I keep around me. My mom left her home for Medical School in Karachi and she still speaks to her classmates to this day. I'll be a freshwater fish a saltwater sea, but I'll adapt.

Like I mentioned before, this is an accelerated program. With this perk, it means that I will be a fully fledged doctor—with a Dr. in front of my name and everything—by the time I am 24. This will allow me to start my residency at age 25 and—depending on what speciality I choose—I could be done residency by age 28. Now, in no way am I saying that life is a race and we should treat it at such. But, the reason the speed is so appealing to me is, well, you. I want a family. The path to becoming a doctor is a very sexist inherently. The entire process is designed for men who have wives at home taking care of their children, so for women who want kids its 10 times harder. I want to be a mother more than anything—even more than being a doctor. When I have my babies, I want to be there for them. I don't want other people raising my children. I know that some women do have children in medical school or residency, and for some it works out just fine. But those are both very gruelling stages in a young medics life, filled with stress and frustration. I don't want to bring that home to a baby. Being a mom is a very difficult job in itself, and so its not uncommon for people to leave medicine all together when they have their family. I can't do that, I need to persevere so I can give you the life you deserve. If I can be done residency by 28, work for 2-3 years, and pay off my student loans I could start having babies by 31. This way, I'll have you when my career is settled and I'll have time and money to give to you so you can have the perfect life. Choosing this career path makes it hard to have a family, but many people do it. I mean, your grandma did. I just have to be strategic.

Remember when I mentioned my parents and ME not wanting to leave them. Well, THEY want me out. My mom and my brother—who is basically my third parent—want me to go so badly. And I don't mean in the sense that they are annoyed of me and want their space back, that would never be the case. They are just extremely proud and want my future to be secure. I'm not sure about my dad's opinion to be honest—he doesn't talk much—but I'm sure he feels the same. Even though my mom is very attached to me and she's never had a child leave for college—meaning that "empty nesting" will be a very foreign concept to her—she has a gut feeling I should go. Let me tell you this, her gut feelings are strong and ALWAYS right. I feel like I'd be betraying god if I betrayed those feelings. As much as she wants to keep me home and have me all to herself, my mother has seen so many Pakistani girls lose amazing opportunities due to their parent's fear. So much potential has been lost because parents were afraid to let go. I know she doesn't want to be that mom. While I'm grateful for her feminism, forward thinking, and understanding, part of me wishes she'd just force me to stay. It would make the decision-making process a lot easier.

I think I've made the message pretty clear: I am having a hard time deciding what to do. There are many cons and many pros. Most of the pros circle back to cons and most of the cons can be argued with some pros. Nonetheless, I'm thankfully not alone. I have lots of people trying to help me figure it out. I outline cons with my mom all the time while she always rebuttals back with solutions. Every night my best friends send me videos of St. Andrews and all the fun events involved in student life. My dad sends me WhatsApp videos of the Scottish High Lands and the golfing records. I've been in contact with some of the other Canadians in the program, trying to get some perspective and opinion. I'm figuring it out.

Soon, my decision will be made. It'll take time, but I'm getting there. I just have to be confident that my choice brings me comfort and not stress. I refuse to spend the rest of my life asking myself "what if?". I'm not sure what lesson I'm trying to teach you by giving you this letter. Maybe I can give you this one as part of a 2 part, where the second letter involves me finally making my decision. Or maybe, I can just give you this piece of advice: don't rush. Don't rush into decisions. Life is short and you should take risks and aim for mistakes, but you also have to be strategic. There is such thing as a bad choice, so you should always try your best to avoid those. I have yet to make many choices yet, but I have definitely made some bad ones. There is so much in life you cannot control, so control what you can and let the Universe control the rest. If you make smart decisions to the best of your ability and do everything you can to make the right choice, god will see that. After that I promise the uncontrollable will begin to fall in your favour.

The world is like a mirror; when you smile at it, it tends to smile back.