Dear First - I'll Wait

Do you know what it feels like to be all alone? Have you ever felt there was no one there for you on some of your darkest days?

Well I do.

I, for years sat all alone in the cafeteria.

I, for years wished nothing more than to disappear.

I, for years was a loner.

My friends were all gone.

But how did I treat them while they were still by my side?

I thought they'd always be there...

I thought-

Well I thought wrong.

Maybe they would always be there inside my heart, but the cold hard truth is, friends come and go.

I only wish I knew that sooner.

Now all was left with was tragedy and despair, for while they were still there I never showed my appreciation.

I never poured my heart out on the line for some of the most amazing human beings I've ever seen to walk this earth.

But today that will change, starting with you first.

Starting with you dear first.

Starting with the girl who shaped so many of my childhood years.

But before you read this letter I need you to know somethin, first.

I miss you.

I miss all of you.

I wish we'd stayed in touch and I know you might never, ever read this little article of mine, however, if you do happen to, please just know that I'm here.

I've always been here.

I always will be here.

And I miss you.

And if you feel the same way.

If you miss me too...

Please write me back.

Please.

I've been waiting for so, so long now and I'll continue to wait if I need to, but dear first, there's been a hole in my heart for so long, and the missing piece I need to mend it is you.

So dear first, there's so much more I could say, but here's a little message I wrote for you a little while back (ahem...three years ago), yet could never manage to get to you because of our unfortunate lost contact.:

Dear First,

First. You were the first. The first is usually a good thing, like getting first place in a race or getting the first highest score on a test. But when it comes to you, I wish you were not the first, for you were also the first gone. The first forgotten. I was only two, you three when we first met. We would bounce for hours on that trampoline. We’d pretend we were pegusi who could fly higher than the sun as it rose from behind the mountains, over the imaginary castle we secretly knew was your house. We would go around and around in that kitty pool, trying to create a whirlpool. We’d play for hours in the (little did we know at the time was a shark infested) sea at New Smyrna Beach. We’d even go in the alligator infested springs! We had sleepovers, your brother occasionally sneaking my stuff away at night. Remember that time when your brother stole my chocolate bunny? I knew he had the moment awoke from the grin on his face (and chocolate!). I was so mad but we all ended up laughing in the end. We had so many irreplaceable memories together, from the giant backpacks we obviously couldn’t lift ourselves, to the waterpark visit in Girl Scouts. But then, it was time to leave. It was good in some aspects, one being my mother didn’t have to work multiple jobs any longer, but in other aspects it was heartbreaking, and you were the main reason. I still miss you to this day. I don’t remember everything we did, everything about you, or even the sound of your voice. But what I do remember is how you made me feel for those beautiful five years. Thank you first, for you gave me the life a little girl dreams of. Thank you for being my friend when no one else wanted to.

Sincerely,

Emily

I'll wait for you.

I'll wait.