Daddy

When I was married, my ex-husband said he hated people over five calling their parents 'mummy or daddy'. I was brought up by my stepfather, who I usually called by his first name or abbreviated name until that point because in private there was nothing he could do about it and I sometimes had my own small rebellions against my controlling husband, just to get me through the day.

My daddy saved me, when the time was right. It was a hell of a struggle but he got me into women's refuge and away from the control freak. Together, we went through kidnapped toddlers, court, my first home alone and setting up my own household bills with the phrase I always carry with me "They aren't magic I'm afraid, you actually have to pay for them." Which, I sort of knew as I paid half towards the bills when I lived with my ex-husband, the trouble was they seemed to cost me less alone, than when I was with him and he claimed that was half. Right, the joker.

My daddy has been in my life since I was about seven or perhaps a little younger. Aside from saving me from my previous marriage, my other favourite memory includes getting drunk on wine with him one night and making new years resolutions two weeks later than most people. Mine was language learning and so far, I have used an app every day to learn Russian and German, as I work for a German company, but we have a few eastern European customers also. He also suggested that I went back to my creative writing dreams that I had as a young adult and didn't take "I don't have time" for an excuse. He is still encouraging me to self-improve even as a parent myself and full-time supervisor applying to be the venue's second in command.

Despite not being blood-related we have a whole lot in common: bad language around technical things not working, mental health issues and work ethic that goes beyond five days a week, unlike anyone else in our family, who think we are both mad. I'd say I have so much more in common with a man who claims he tried not to get too involved, than the man in my life who didn't want to be involved when it got too difficult and he knew that he could palm me off on someone else. Now that I am in my thirties, I think I have been my 'daddy's' daughter longer than my real dad's daughter as I changed my name as soon as I was old enough to do so.

Of course, working as much as we do, we do not always see as much of each other as we would like, but we are only ever a message away from each other when things start to get on top of us or I need emergency child care due to overlapping shifts with my husband-to-be. As he is quite a young grandad in his early fifties, he isn't ready for the pipe and slippers stereotype grandfather idea just yet.

Though, telling him he was going to be a grandfather was pretty funny as my mum's birthday is in April and I hadn't long found out, so I asked my mum what she wanted for Christmas, as baby was due in December and all I remember was hearing laughter from his office door.

"Why are you asking about Christmas in April? You're off your head!"

I smiled and asked him a question back.

"Daddy, how many months is it until Christmas?"

I saw the fingers being counted and then waited patiently for the penny to drop with my beloved nana, who I hid behind as one parent fell off their chair and the other one took a little longer to work out what I was saying.

"Seven, eight, why? Have you got one of those saving things for you to...? Why is your mum on the floor and why is her mum laughing her head off?"

Poor daddy, became a grandad in his mid-forties and if anything he liked to shock people with the announcement that despite his love of car-racing, a little girl called him grandad. He claims that karma has come through as he says she is as bright as me, but hopefully doesn't shy it away as much through fear of upsetting others, like I did growing up mostly around older members of the family that have outdated views on race and sexuality.

The best thing about Daddy, to me, is that even though his marriage to my mum ended during Covid-19, if anything we are even closer now than when I was growing up because when things get tough for my daddy and me, we face it together and come out stronger.