Crumbling the Ancestral Tethered Cord

LIFE is hard all on it's own. If you've ever been handed down a homemade quilt in the family, you would know there is Joy, there is Laughter, there are Tears, ALL so intricately sewn together, stitch by stitch, pattern by pattern, memory after memory all made up from what helps build a family.

Understanding the lineage of our ancestors and what challenges they faced, what quirks were picked up, and what we all learned along the way can all be beneficial into building your family. But what happens when you don't know where your lineage began? Now a days, there are websites for that, but what happens when you just don't know because one of the traditions of the family is to just sit quietly and keep your business behind closed doors.

I believe the values of life are ingrained in us almost as soon as we come out of the womb. From the outcome of our birthing plans, to even the way you dress your child in the baby's "first" outfit. Some would even say that certain traits are part of our DNA. I also believe, that the values we have, come from both being learned and seen, hence the saying "Some habits are hard to break". The things we know, the way we speak, the way we cook, the way we even carry ourselves in the day to day things are all things we are taught.

Growing up in a Mexican-American family, the traditions are strong but so are the opinions. Everyone in every family has this, but with those who have older parents, understand that the ways of the past, even though long gone, are still expected of you. We've all had to learn and adapt to certain traditions within the family and sometimes, the way we do things now these days are just not what certain older generation family members expect of you. Even though old and out-dated thinking was the norm back then, it's definitely not the way things roll now.

Back in the days, kids were spanked and taught manners. In some households, including mine, just the tone of voice the parents had when you just knew you were in trouble, you knew you had it coming. You were just expecting and waiting for that chancla (the Mexican flip flop) to come flying at your head. Harsh discipline like that, was the normal back then when you stepped out of line, now a days, parents even risk getting in trouble for spanking your child, some kids are totally out of line and just plain disrespectful. I think a lot of this is due to the "kids having kids" era. Although I am older now, some parents are just really young, when they have their kids and have no idea how to raise a child cause basically they are still kids themselves. I mean, kids don't come with an "Owner's Manual" although it would be nice, but every child is different, there's just no way, one book could cover it all.

This is where the dynamics can change. Sometimes LIFE gives us No choice in what and how we are taught, but we can choose how we move forward. We have the choice to either remain the same as the old, out-dated thinking patters we've been taught, or we can RISE up and BE the change you want to see. This is how our future will be determined for you and your children.

Everything is changeable but it all begins with a CHOICE.

I have endured lots of hardship in my life. From medical issues, cancer, near death experiences, to my latest trial, the separation from my ex-husband. Everyone goes through their own trials.

I learned that it is very important to BE the change you are wanting to see. How can you ask of someone something that you yourself are not wanting to set the example of. You have to BE that example.

Breaking the tethered cords of generations of family teachings is difficult because we all want to honor the generations before us (our Mothers, Fathers, Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles). We all want our families, or who you see as family, to be proud of us.

In our family, we just didn't talk about these things. It was an unspoken expectation for you to just carry on the way things were done for generations back. You just did not break those patterns. As women in our family, you were just expected to keep quiet and "play your role" or "Just do your job, and I'll do mine" kind of pattern.

That is why I've decided to speak out about this. I am currently changing the way family values are built in our family. It takes just one person to make an impression on the next family member or anyone else to carry on the new patterns.

I am not saying my grandmother or mother were not strong women, I learned many many things from them, BUT they just did what they were taught to do, which was to sit back, run the household, raise the kids, and leave the working and big decisions to the fathers in the family. My mother did try to break out of those patterns and she did work a full time job, and still ran the household, so because I saw her do it, I did the same.

I started working at the age of 15. I had a part time job that I fulfilled as part of a school work program (the ISD elementary library office), but I also held a full time job outside of school that I would work full time hours on evenings and weekends. I was still expected to keep my grades up, pay my truck payment and vehicle insurance and still went to high school all day. Once I graduated I worked 3 jobs, two part time jobs and one full time. That's just how my life played out.

Now as I'm older and have two children of my own, I'm making it a point to teach them different. There's still the same drive to teach them to work hard, but I am also teaching them that they have a say in their life also. I don't let them get every single thing that they want, but what I do do differently is show them how to work for it and how to express their needs and wants. Their discipline is the major change I've made compared to my past. Yes they get in trouble A LOT but I also make it a point that I explain to them why they are getting disciplined and why their punishment is what it is and how to do better next time, and I definitely tell them how much I love them and that I want them to know the difference from the way I grew up.

It all begins with the choice to BE the change.

Perception is what creates the reality around you. So take inventory of the patterns of the generations that came before you. Claim your role in choosing what patterns you learn from and "clean them up". Stay open to the possibilities that those tethered patterns can be broken and revamped for the future generations of your families.

I am wishing you all love and light.