Corner Cafe

Rain falling on the windowpane, streetlights reflecting much like Christmas without the cheerful happy feeling. My mind was stirring, wondering why it's been so long. I sip my latte in the corner cafe' alone, trying to block out the background noise. Cars honk, at a traffic light... thoughts racing. Wondering where he could be. The waitress beckons me asking if I'm ok. I nod yes...but I mean no. I feel uneasy...something's wrong.

My mind incredibly unsettled, it's never been this long. I pay the bill and leave a tip. Preparing to embark on my walk home through the rain. Phone rings and I jump but I knew it wasn't him. I didn't answer. I cross the street, I'm almost home. I noticed that the neighbors left their dog outside in the rain again. I shook my head and my umbrella as I stepped inside only to find a little black notebook on the floor. I look around and no one was to be found. It needs a key to open. It has to belong to someone in the building. I walk in my apartment and place the black notebook on the entryway table. Still wondering where my brother is.

I take my coat off and hang it to dry. Time to make more coffee... I look at my phone to see who called but it was a message. I logged in to find a message from my brother's friend. A feeling of uncertainty overflowed as I read his words. I only recognize him because he is in my brother's band. He asked me if I knew where my brother Owen was. I told him I hadn't heard from him in two weeks. He then asked if it was true. Unsure of what he meant I asked him to elaborate. He then told me another friend of Owen's told him he was dead. I told him that's not true because I would have known and he's fine.

I sat the phone down thinking where Owen could be and why someone would say such a thing. I left another message for him on his social media page and tried to forget about it for a moment.

I lit a candle and then opened my patio door to listen to the rain. The fresh smell of rain filled the room and the candle flame danced in the breeze. I picked up my guitar and started to pick the strings. Playing along with the rhythm of the rain. My mind was clear, and I felt free. Suddenly a knock on my door. It startled me. I sat my guitar down. I opened the door, and no one was there. Perhaps I'm hearing things...

Just then a message came to my phone it was an alert to a message on my social media. I signed in and saw someone replied to my post I left on my brother’s page. It said "Don't you know" I messaged this woman and asked what she meant. She told me she was sorry, and my brother was found hanging in his girlfriend's bathroom. My heart stopped.... I couldn't breathe.

I shook my head in disbelief and asked what happened as tears filled my eyes. She had very little information.

Over the next few days, I walked around in a haze of denial, sorrow and confusion. I had an emptiness inside of me of where he used to be... Searching for a way to ease my mind I was online. I found a band page. I looked threw the photos. There he was the most beautiful man I've ever seen. I remembered the moment I first saw him years ago. I was 13, it was Halloween and I lived in Colorado. I was home alone, and I was watching scary movies on tv. The house was dark, and it was late at night. The only light was from the moon and the tv.

I walked in the room and there he was on TV in his football shirt sitting on a bed. The most beautiful man I had ever seen. My heart stopped and I thought to myself "My God... he's so beautiful. I'm gonna grow up and marry that man" From that moment forward my heart always belonged to him. While I was on the band page, I left a comment on his picture. I said "he's always so beautiful" then I logged off. Three days later I got back online. I needed to take some time to relax and try not to be so saddened by my brother's death.

When I got online, I noticed someone liked my comment I left on the picture on the band page.

It was him. He put a heart on my comment. I thought to myself surely that wasn't really him. I sat in disbelief...thinking that couldn't possibly be him. Baffled I sat and thought to myself...could it be?

I don't know what came over me, but I emailed him and asked. I said 'Hello, is this really you or a fake you or just a fan page" he actually got back to me and told me it was really him. We hit it off and it was like talking to an old friend. I told him of my brother's passing. He offered his condolences, and he was so sweet and supportive.

We continued to talk on a regular basis and become extremely close. Two years ago, he asked me to be in a relationship with him. It was the happiest day of my life. We have so much in common. We were both born in KY, both musicians, both artists, both actors and both victims but survivors of domestic violence.

I remember the day we first spoke like it was yesterday. He helped me through my brother's passing and even through court with my abusive ex. I don't know where I would be without him. Our relationship grew through the chaos and pain of our lives. When the chaos settled the ruins became the fertile ground for the solid foundation of our relationship to grow and blossom.

I invited him to accompany me to my brother’s funeral. It meant a lot to me to have him with me. During the funeral, my family showed a slideshow of different photos of my brother. He too was an artist and a musician. So many beautiful paintings and sketches he did was on the slide. In one of the photos my brother was sitting alone at a table in that same corner cafe' I go to for coffee. On the table was that same little black notebook I found. I thought to myself it couldn't be. After the service John and I headed back home. I was silent the whole way, in pain but wondering about that little black notebook.

We arrived home. John looked up and took my hand. He said "I love you and I'm so sorry my love" I started to cry, and he held me. His arms were my safety in the storm. The only place I wanted to be. At that moment and for eternity.

He kissed my forehead and took my hand as we walked up the steps. He opened the door and held me again. He told me "everything is going to be ok" and I believed him. I sat on the sofa as he lit a fire in the fireplace. He then poured a glass of wine and he left the room for a moment.

Then I remembered that little black notebook on the entryway table. I picked it up and noticed a button by the lock. I never saw it before. I pushed the button and the lock opened. I gasped and opened the little black notebook. Just then a piece of paper fell out onto the floor. I picked up the piece of paper and it was a check. It read "To Jamie Chaney 20,000" in the notes it said "I will always love you, thank you for loving me too… your little brother Owen."