Confessions Of A New Stay At Home Mom

Sleep deprivation, spit up soaked clothes, a laundry hamper that hasn’t been touched in weeks, and the tears of new you reminiscing on life before the baby, knowing all I will be known as is a mother. This is me and what life consists of now and boy is it nothing like what I thought when I was pregnant. You know what I realized is unfair about pregnancy and motherhood…the insomnia you have while pregnant suddenly goes away when baby is born and now it’s like YOU JUST WANT TO SLEEP!!! I never knew I would miss my insomnia, but at least when I was suffering from it I didn’t feel like I was suffering.

Also PLEASE don’t get me started on my fiancé…(I love that man to death) but adding a baby to the mix makes you want to strangle your partner (NOT LITERALLY!) Have you ever heard of the term “never wake a sleeping baby”…well apparently my fiancé hasn’t, he always “accidentally” ends up waking her even though my spidey senses tell me he does it on purpose. You see that rule TRULY applies to mommies especially breastfed mommies and I’ll explain why. My mother told me especially since my daughter is breastfed prepare for her to cling to you like white on rice…now newborns generally already cling to their mommies for dear life, but with my mother’s experience with both breastfed and formula fed babies the breastfed babies were FAR worse with not just eating but the constant wanting to be near mommy and their delicious meals (the boobies). It’s just something about us mothers that are like a drug to our precious little beans especially when they are breastfed (but there are still some really clingy formula babies too). So waking a sleeping baby is like asking for hell to be brought on Earth…for mommies especially when your baby is in the cluster feeding stage of life and your nipples are already busted up and discolored from the last feeding. Why to never wake a sleeping baby applies mainly to us mommies especially breastfeeding mommies *FATHERS OR SPOUSES WHO AREN’T BREASTFEEDING OR DEALING WITH THE CLINGINESS PLEASE PAY CLOSE ATTENTION!!!* If you are not responsible for the baby until they have to sleep again, meaning don’t bother them and than just hand them off to the tired and sore parent (most likely mama). I have experienced my fiancé COUNTLESS times “accidentally” waking our daughter and go “it’s okay you sleep I got her” to only wake me about 30 minutes later with her fussing in his arms and him going “I think she may be hungry” or any excuse to hide the fact that he can’t calm her no matter how hard he tries. And me having to swoop in like super mom and at least attempting to get her back to sleep which most likely doesn’t happen because once baby gets fussy from disrupted sleep it feels virtually impossible to calm them. Now I do feel bad for my fiancé because I know he wants to have his chance of being superdad and feel included, but I wish he would understand that our daughter just isn’t at that stage right now and all she wants is mommy (well 75% mommy’s boobs and 25% mommy’s cuddles).

Also don’t get me started on how unattractive a feel, I feel sorry for my fiancé all he comes home to is a wreck of a woman and a messy house, but I swear when you are in the adjusting to a new baby stage as a stay at home mom especially your day revolves around baby nothing else no laundry, no dishes, not even eating…just baby. The day drags on, but also goes fast at the same time. I plan my day out and what I’m going to do only to end up it being 10pm (the time my fiancé comes home from work) and nothing done and me still looking the same as the morning but hey…at least baby is asleep.

Now don’t get me wrong I love my baby and parenthood isn’t all this bad I didn’t decide to write this to complain about life just needed to get it out. Needed an outlet besides my house walls and 2 week old baby. It’s true when they say the moment your little one sets eyes on you over and over again the feeling of tiredness turns to love and compassion, the spit on my shoulder suddenly dries, the laundry hamper is non existent, and suddenly I love new me and all that is in that moment is the best overdose of oxytocin. I’m happy to be Soul’s mom and if that is what I’m only known as from now on…I absolutely fucking love it!