Compliment character, not Beauty

Little bit of a rant here, but hold on, stay with me.

This morning, my daughter got up and was hatching with me on the couch, a mess of blonde haired knots and 'sleepies' being shaken out of her body. She said to me that yesterday, she had a little girl tell her that she wasn't pretty.

Instantly infuriated, I had to count backwards from ten in my head, so that I didn't go with a pitchfork on a hunt to defend my kids heart. I am constantly reminding her that sometimes people will say mean things, and we have to develop the strength to ignore this. But at six years old, she's still trying to figure out her emotions, and how to deal with them. She is an empath, much like her mother, and a sensitive soul in a world where only a handful know and appreciate the full value of this. ( It took me 30 years to understand! )

A long time ago, I replaced my remarks of "you're so cute" and " you're beautiful" and " your hair/dress/skirt/shirt looks so pretty on you!" With " you're such a smart girl." And "you're so kind" and "you have such a friendly heart" obviously this is not because my child is not physically cute, pretty, and beautiful. But because I want the words to hold deeper meaning to her, that the surface is NOT what she should be worried about other people accepting. I'm making sure that she grows up well balanced, centered, and confident. Her soul, spirit, heart, and character are what matters, and she's never going to forget it.

Too often in this day and age we still put so much pressure on the outward beauty or attraction of people that the state of character and strength of will, spirit, determination, all the things that culminate a strong human adult. We focus on the shit that eventually fades out to meaninglessness. Botox injections to smooth out skin as we try to outrun age. Plastic surgery to “fix” the parts of us that we believe isn’t holding up well against the typical “beauty” standard of today. I used to be this girl, the one that was bullied and made fun of in high school because I didn’t look like the rest of the lot. I didn’t have the most expensive clothing, or even knew name brands. It took me a long time to become comfortable with my skin, and I was terrified for a long time that my daughter would go through the same torture. Don’t get me wrong, I believe she will have her own battles to fight along the way, and I will be right there beside her in full battle garb as well. But here was my realization, it’s not my job to shield her from the battles, it’s my job to make sure she’s well equipped, armoured, and ready to handle them with confidence and grace. It’s my job to make sure that she doesn’t allow the comments or words or any other actions to claim precious mental space without paying rent. It’s my job to make sure that she grows up against the norm, not because she rebels against it, but because she’s confident enough in herself to be her OWN person within it.

So please, replace the compliments of outer beauty with those looking inward. Enhance the strengths of your child's character , not the emphasis on looks. We don't do this knowingly to cause damage, nor do I think anyone ever does this with bad intentions! However, in my experience with my little old soul, she heard exactly what I was saying and it started to show with worries and fears about acceptance. They are our future, and in a world where they will fight battles on their own without us, having one with themselves should never be an issue.