Chronicles of a Poly-amorous Lesbian

It's amazing how relationships evolve. How they grow and, if given enough time, you mold together until you become one person.

People ask me all the time, "How does a three person relationship work?" along with "How do you keep from getting jealous?"

Well...let me break it down for you...

When you have a three person relationship, there is something that's very important to understand.

There's really four relationships.

Don't worry, I'll break it down a bit more. What I mean is this...

You have Person A. Person B. And Person C.

There is the relationship between A and B. The one between A and C. The one between B and C. And then the relationship that A, B, and C have together as a whole group.

Each of these relationships is unique among the rest. They will each develop and evolve at their own rate. Each of the four relationships is its own living, breathing, entity. Each have its own needs.

As to the second question on jealousy...it can not exist or the relationship will fail. That's not to say that sometimes it can't get difficult...especially with women...but what relationship is perfect all the time?

But the love presented there is unlike any other.

Sometimes even I have to remind myself of these fundamental guidelines. After all, humans will experience emotions as they come, and with all the circumstances surrounding the onset of any such emotional outpouring.

And sometimes you just have to take shit with a grain of salt and move on with your day.

These things I have been reminding myself lately. There are things that I have to consider that I wouldn't normally consider.

Like how B and M's relationship is developing faster than mine and B's. It's just how it goes sometimes.

I have to remember that, while she may want to get closer with me...and is even attempting it...she's been through a lot of trauma...and within that trauma are centered with dominating personalities who have beaten her down until she became a shell of who she used to be.

And while she is not comparing me to them, as she knows that I would not ever lay a hand on her in violence, the trauma brain reacts to the similarities.

I am psychopathic. Not a violent psychopath, but a psychopath nonetheless. I exhibit traits that have led to pain in the past. She doesn't flinch, nor shy away from me. She knows that I would never let anyone hurt her, and she knows that I wouldn't hurt her.

We brought her and the kids here to be safe. Not to continue the nightmare.

And I also have to remember my own psychology. I do not present my softer side readily, nor do I typically allow myself to show vulnerability around people.

I've been with my wife (M) for thirteen years and most times, even still, being vulnerable in front of her is difficult at best. So I have to (re)teach myself to allow that side to come out with someone else other than M.

It's a learning process...for all of us.

But I know how B feels. She shows me in many ways.

And that's something else, you know? You have to learn how the other person(s) express that love in all the ways they do. The ways their body communicates with you. (And I'm not talking sexually here) But the little smiles. The light touches as they walk by. The kisses to the side of the head...whatever it is that they do.

Above all...patience. Which isn't something I have ever had tolerance for.

But I look at her and I smile. I smile because I know that no matter how long it takes, she's where she belongs. She's here. With us. Where she's loved. And safe. Where she can heal and learn that life can be full of happiness. Where isn't doesn't have to be and isn't scared all the time.

She can grow. And live. And be the person that no one has ever allowed her to grow into.

She's so beautiful. In so many ways.

I'm determined that one day she will know that about herself. That she can smile when she looks in the mirror and feel no shame at the person staring back at her. Where she can look at herself and feel proud that she can feel as beautiful as she is.