Cherries

It feels like the cheap brittle white plastic chair I’m sitting on might break at any given second, but right now I’m sitting on the front porch of my grandma’s chipped yellow house. The chairs had gone through a tremendous winter. I’m surprised they lasted this long, she’s had them since we moved here five years ago. The cherry blossom tree in my grandma’s yard is in full bloom as well as the lilac bush. Sweetness filled the air as the cherry blossom flowers danced their way off the trees swirling and twirling in the air. Bees are excitingly buzzing, the birds are chirping, and the gentle warm breeze gives me chills of joy, it just makes my heart swell. I feel like a kid again.

My grandma comes out with cherry blue bonnet ice cream, cherries were her favorite flavor and it was mine too. I always get ecstatic about spring, it’s when everything comes back to life! We loved sitting together watching cars pass and watching people go by. As I’m eating the ice cream I’m swinging my legs happily. She sits down next to me with a black notebook I’ve never seen before.

Beep beep beep beep…. beep beep beep beep

The flowers and the tree along with the streets start disappearing.

“What’s happening? What is that noise?”

My grandma puts her spoon down as she’s glitching and says, “I think you’re waking up.” Then she disappears.

Beep beep beep beep… .beep beep beep beep

Dammit

I open my eyes. ‘Oh it was just a dream’. My heart sinks and I turn off my alarm. I take a moment to recollect myself. I haven’t seen my grandma since the day of her funeral. It’s been three years since she died.

It’s been hard on me, I haven’t really been able to talk about it with anyone. After the funeral I felt so out of place, I realized then that it was the end and I didn’t have any family anymore.

It’s three o'clock in the afternoon and I know what you’re thinking, “Why am I getting up so late?” Well, since you asked, I work a graveyard shift at a warehouse imaginary audience.

I take my time getting out of bed. I have alarms set for the next two hours. It helps me keep track of time. I wonder how my cat thinks about all of my alarms but she doesn’t say anything so I think she doesn’t mind. My apartment seems so dull and lackluster. ‘Maybe it’s my point of view.’ I look outside and see that the sun is hiding behind grey clouds and the sky is drizzling tear drops. ‘Maybe it’s not my point of view.’ And I lie back down. It has been like this for weeks. I wish I could hide like the sun under some grey blankets for weeks on end and not worry about working.

That’s one thing I hated about working grave is that I never get to see the sun anymore, I sleep through the day and work all night. I ask myself all the time: ‘Why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep up with this job?’ I tell myself: ‘You better not get stuck here! You need to find a better job! You deserve better!’ But it’s hard to just quit when I’m paid more than minimum wage and I can sustain myself off of something that I absolutely hate to my core. It feels like I’m throwing myself away for money, all this physical and mental pain just to live, sleep, and eat.

‘God I wish a city bus could hit me, then I can make an insurance claim.’

My cat Fish hears walks up to the bed and she starts purring and she rubs her head under my chin. I kiss her hairy little head and spit off some hairs from my lips as she curls up on my chest. Fish is my fur baby. I think of her as my roommate who never pays rent and I have to clean her litter box and feed her, but she’s the best, although I do hate it when she climbs my curtains and my tapestry, like why do you feel the need to do so, Fish? I bought this cat so many things to climb on so she can have something to do while I’m gone but no, she doesn’t care, she’s a cat.

“I’m sorry, I gotta move you baby,” I got sick of having the taste of bad breathing my mouth. ‘Man I’m sore.’ I yawn and stretch as I’m walking over to the bathroom and flick my pale white lights. You get sore after working long hours of moving boxes, stacking boxes, loading boxes, wrapping boxes, heavy boxes, boxes, boxes, boxes, all day everyday, boxes. My job is so mind numbing. I hate watching all of these boxes come through wishing that I could one day own the contents.

I look at myself in the mirror and I look so tired and pale. I stick my tongue out at myself and I start laughing. My hair is sticking up in so many places but I just leave it and put on a headband. I have reminders to take my vitamins on my mirror but I haven’t kept up with it for a couple of days. After I spit out the last bit of toothpaste in my mouth I shoot myself a couple of finger guns and click my tongue.

‘Bag, keys, phone, wallet, badge, yep, I think that’s everything? Oh wait! My water bottle!’

“Bye Fish! I love you! Stay out of trouble,” Fish understands that I’m leaving but doesn’t care enough to say goodbye to me, but again, she is a cat.

As I’m driving to work I think about how crazy that dream was and how I think my grandma would love Fish and then I think about how I wish Fish could talk to me and what would Fish talk about.

I won’t go into the mind numbing details of what it’s like to be in a warehouse but I will describe the atmosphere. Never have I ever felt so physically small. The building itself is like the size of a shopping mall. There’s just rows upon rows of miscellaneous items waiting on shelves to be purchased and packaged. The lights are fluorescent bulbs which screws with my head and perception of time. It feels normal, which is unsettling.

I rush out of the building to get home to go to sleep to see if I can dream again.

I’m back again at my grandma’s house but this time we’re sitting next to each other on the couch in the living room, Fish is somehow around and that’s how I know I’m dreaming. The room feels warm and cozy, just like the last time I was here. She’s sitting next to me writing in a black notebook with a leather cover. She sets the book down and gets up to make some tea, “Would you like some tea too?” I reply with an outstanding yes. I scoot and reach over to see what she had written down and the page says:

You will receive a very important phone call.

Ring ring...ring ring...ring ring

‘Hmmmm what?’

Ring ring...ring ring...ring ring

Unknown caller ID

“Hello? Yes, this is Beatrix. Yes now is a good time to chat.” It’s a lawyer, “I can come down to your office as soon as possible, yes, see you soon, thank you so much, goodbye.” The lawyer wants to talk to me about my grandma’s will and belongings.

I drove to her office and sat in the car for a moment wondering what this could be about. My heart is pounding because of what had happened in the dream.

I approach the door and turn the knob and open the door to see a receptionist with short black hair and glasses, he asks, “Are you Beatrix? Ms. Gilsman will be with you in a moment. Would you like anything to drink while you wait?”

“No, thank you, I’m good,” and I sat down in the waiting area looking at the fake and real plants decorated around me. I poke at a plastic one, “Hey, so how often do you water this?”

The receptionist laughs and says, “When I first started working here I couldn’t tell which ones were plastic and which ones weren’t so I was watering that for three weeks until someone told me that it was fake.” We both start laughing together.

“Hello! Beatrix!” I am startled and sit up immediately, “Oh so sorry didn’t mean to startle you there haha, why don’t you come on back” and she motions with her hand to follow her into her office and I get up and sit back down in a different chair, “So we’re going to be going over your grandmother’s will because I found out that someone recently had a birthday!” This lady was a ray of sunshine on another cloudy day, her hair was naturally and vibrantly red and her lips were very plump, she was wearing a dark red lipstick and a chic black pantsuit. She was undeniably amazing.

“Yes, I recently turned 21.”

“So I heard! Congratulations! Well your grandmother has a present for you and some gifts for you to keep. I’ll read it to you, ‘As my last will and testament I leave Beatrix Marie Gonzales $20,000 to be appointed to her on her 21st birthday and I leave her with my notebooks.” Ms. Gilsman gets up and plops a box of black notebook on her desk, “Feel free to look through.”

My eyes are wide and I am in shock. ‘$20,000!’ I open the box to see a bunch of notebooks. I open one to see the dates:

‘May 16th, 2013

Beatrix is learning how to bake and has decided to make me a cake for my birthday. She made me a vanilla cake with a cherry filling in the middle. This cake was so delicious and had pink frosting with other cherries on top and in purple frosting was “Happy Birthday Grandma!”

She is going to do great things.’

My eyes started tearing up. I remembered that day, I felt so accomplished. I skipped forward some pages.

‘June 23rd, 2013

Beatrix has made some angel food cake and strawberry jelly with whipped cream. So fluffy and light especially on this beautiful day. I am amazed at how well she did even though it didn’t quite turn out the way she wanted, I told her it takes time and practice to get things right, especially with baking.’

“I understand if this is a lot for you right now so if you’d like some time to yourself to let this information sink in that’s understandable and we can send you on your way.”

Tears are coming down my face, “Thank you so much, this means a lot to me, and thank you for being understanding.” I picked up the box and the check and went home.

I sat down on my couch just staring at the check crying and laughing hysterically. You bet that I called into work! I ain’t ever going back to that hell hole. ‘$20,000, what should I do with this much money?’ It’s so new and scary to me. I turn to my cat lying down next to me, “What would you do?” She just opens her eyes and looks at me and then sighs to close her eyes again, “You don’t even know what money is, why am I even asking you?” I walk over to my kitchen, looking at my cabinets and the contents of them. ‘Maybe I could actually pursue baking again?’ A spark lights my heart on fire and I jump up and down with many ideas and possibilities of what to bake, my heart and head is spinning!