Changing Nests

The cold breeze of 6:00 am accompanied by a cup of tea and a green view from the balcony are a perfect start to a day, it was a perfectly normal day, everything going as usual, and who knew that day will mark the end of my childhood, I was standing in the balcony when my father came and broke the news that they are planning to sell the house, first thought in my mind was, “shit! We will no longer be a joint family”. The B-217 will no longer be addressed as Kalra’s residence, was that day the end of all the fun we used to have together? will we no longer see each other daily? will my aunt not shout my name every time she’ll face an issue with her phone? Will, we do not spend New Year’s Eve together playing stupid games all night? All of these questions flooded my mind and it was that very moment I realized the importance of all those people that I have been living with for the past 18 years but never took a moment to appreciate them and their roles in my life.

While I was feeling this rush of emotions inside, outside I maintained my calm and headed towards my school, 2-3 weeks passed away and I never acknowledged my feelings, until the truth hit me hard when I heard my parents talking about 2-3 houses that they have shortlisted. I was not ready to give up on my childhood and on the home that gave me such fond memories, my mind started devising schemes about how to make them stay, many a time I acted out, there were instances where I tried to persuade them through emotional appeal, then came the rational appeal, then came the tantrums but nothing worked and it seemed like, “ya, this is the end!” This is the phase of my life that I call acceptance.

After acceptance came the realization, I spend the next three weeks feeling so grateful, that I ended up in this great-humoured family, I mean who have uncles that have such great sense of humour, cousins that get along so well, aunts whose distinctive laughs will make the whole room shake and of course the world’s greatest grandmother, who ain’t taking anyone’s shit! I realized that this confident girl I am today is because of all of them, the personality that I have today is bits and pieces of everyone that were present in the room that day, today if I am a confident public speaker, I owe it to all of them, everything that I am today I owe it to “The Kalra’s”. In a sense, I too comprehended the fact that everything happens for a reason, if we weren’t separating today, then I would have never appreciated the people that were in front of me that day, with much gratitude in my heart I headed towards the truth and small things hit me hard, like the realizations that these family dinners are not going to be this frequent, Diwali celebrations are not going to be same, New year’s eve are not going to be same, saying bye to my grandmother every morning before going to the school will change, the gradual internalization of my present reality marked the end of realization phase and beginning of a phase that I call adaptation.

21st March 2020 was the day we moved into our new home, or was it correct to call it a “home”? not yet, I guess it was too early to call it home. My initial days in the box made up of ceilings and walls were full of misery, it lacked love, it lacked chaos and most importantly it lacked memories, I viewed this house as something that ripped my family apart. This was the time when the whole world stopped, we couldn’t leave our houses, the world was changing and so did my past life, my home and the child within me bid me farewell as I stepped into corona times and joined the “new normal” with everyone. The new place was not so bad after all, as I redecorated my new room, I redecorated my thoughts too. The routine changed. My parents and I sat in the morning together to sip tea and talk rather than rushing to their work, the evenings were great the whole house and the neighborhood had this sweet and lazy silence. The afternoon nap became “new normal” rather than leisure which few could afford, and we called it a night with our whole family playing card games in my parent’s bedroom while my father created history in losing at cards against us three women, my mind took a mental picture of the fresh memories in that same room. The changes were taking place, video calls became a regular thing which cut the distance between my other family members. Although we eventually started to hang out at each other’s place the faces were the same and so did the connection under a different roof, that didn’t bother me anymore because happiness is a mental state no matter where you live, how ivory your wall is, what size your room is because they all will fade away, only the laughs and happy faces will lift your spirit. I was adapting to the new place at horse speed. The active interactions and daily activities warmed my heart, as I grew closer to my parents in that new home, I felt more connected to that place. Your home is like your life, only people around you can make it look great and fill it with meaning, warmth and love.

And again, cold breeze of 6:00 am accompanied by a cup of tea and a perfect green view from the balcony, it was a perfectly normal day, everything going as usual, when I opened my mail to discover that I have been selected for my course in the University of Waterloo, as I was filled with joy and excitement little did, I know the time has come to say goodbye again to my cocoon and leave my nest for a new journey and find a ‘new home’.