Celebrating Herstory

Women didn’t divorce their husbands in 1930. Especially not without a job or way to support your children. But not my grandmother. She was not going to let her sons see her be beaten and abused or worse yet to grow up without a mother at all. So as difficult and dangerous as the decision may have been, she chose to live. Lilly Mae was a woman, an African American woman, and she was a single-mother in the South, during the Great Depression. The odds, were definitely not in her favor. But Lilly Mae, had come from a long line of strong women. Women of faith, educated, and resourceful women. Her mother was an educator. She was not the first woman in my blood line to defy the odds and certainly not the last. As I thought of the women that I felt deserved honor during Women’s History Month, I had to pay respect to my grandmother and mother. They have both taught me how not only to survive, but how to thrive, even in the midst of tremendous trials.

Lilly Mae went back to school and obtained her high school diploma. She would open up and run a boarding house. Eventually she would become a nurse. She married a good man, that not only married her, but adopted her two sons. She would later go on to have another child, Ruth, my mother. My grandfather, was educated, kind and very handsome. My grandmother was known to put the ladies in their place if they got to close to her man. When my mother was nine, they would move from Arkansas to California for new opportunities. My grandmother stayed married to my grandfather until his untimely death from a heart attack. Once again, she found herself having to provide for her family. This time, her daughter Ruth, stepped up to provide for her family when she was only twenty-one. Her oldest brother was married with children of his own to support. Her other brother was tragically killed. My mother did not feel that she was ready to take on the financial weight of the household. My mother went to school and worked odd jobs to provide for her mom and sister. They survived and thrived. One thing my grandmother would always say is that, it may be hard, but you have to keep moving. You can’t just give up and let life pass you by.

My mother would meet my father and marry at twenty-three. My father, had moved to California after being stationed in San Diego, when he was in the Army. My mother received an opportunity to begin working in commercial insurance. My father served as a paramedic for Los Angeles county until his early death from cancer. Looking back, I took my mother’s strength for granted. She was in her forties when my father passed and now she would again have to provide for her family. There were times she wondered if she would be able to keep the house or if we would be able to go to college. My brother was 18 when my father died and I was 13. That first year after my father passed was definitely the hardest. My family lost nine other people that same year and my brother came close to death. My mother, remembered the words of her mother. She had to keep going. Yes, she kept the house. I received a scholarship to attend Pepperdine University for undergraduate.

During this unprecedented time in our history, in the midst of this pandemic and economic distress, I know that I will survive this. The faith of my grandmother and mother to tackle whatever life gave them flows through my veins. We do not know what the future will look like, but we have to keep going. I think of my grandmother, reinventing herself during the Great Depression. She had every right to play the victim, but she decided to become a victor. She didn’t wait for opportunities to find her, she made her own way. She continued to live and love. She could have become bitter, but she became better. My mother, has shown me how to be successful in your profession without neglecting your family. Sometimes, I don’t know how she was able to do all that she did. If I ever feel overwhelmed, I think of these great women and what they survived to allow me to thrive. So, I have to keep moving.