Can Christmas be Special for Lonely People?

Seven days until Christmas, I noticed as I pulled up my google calendar today: Wednesday, December 18th, 2024. I've been waking up around 3 a.m. the past few nights. Maybe it's because I've been going to sleep around 7 or 8 p.m. I guess we could call that a luxury of being retired, though I tend to think of it as an adjustment or a change that I'm still learning to adapt to.

I didn't make any specific plans for Christmas this year. I guess I just figured that besides my aversion to "planning" events, I didn't want to disappoint myself since disappointment has been a theme that I've had to contend with for the past few years. Change isn't always the most difficult facet of living. Sometimes change is refreshing and wanted. However, I know now why Christmas (or Holidays in general) are not "special" or "beautiful" or "magical" for some people. It's not really a matter of faith or religion. It's not even a matter of psychosis, because depression can affect anyone, not just the diagnosed. I think that Christmas (or the Holidays in general) get ignored or swept under the rug because they remind some people how lonely they are. Not everyone has a family to sit at the dinner table with. Not everyone has a long list of addresses to send greeting cards to. Not everyone has invitations to parties or presents from Santa under the tree. It's not because they don't believe in Santa. It's not because they don't believe in Jesus Christ. It's simply a matter of being left behind. It's simply that people stopped believing in them.

There's this movie scene that comes to my mind: Al Pacino in the movie "Scent of a Woman" (which he earned an Oscar for) where he plays a blind man who is suicidal. It's not a Christmas special movie. Pacino plays Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade, who is not just blind, but lonely and depressed because he feels like he has nothing to give, no purpose for his life. It is the character of Frank Slade who comes to my mind when I think about all the lonely people at Christmas time. Why did I hear for so many years that the most suicides occur at this time? Why did my mother commit suicide on December 26th, 2012? She was only 60 years old, only 6 years older than I am today.

My Christmas times (prior to 2019) had always been full of love and beauty. I never could understand how there were people who didn't love Christmas or who became depressed or suicidal at such a joyous celebration of peace and love and family. Don't they see the beauty? Don't they hear the comforting sounds of the music? Don't they like presents and good food? Yeah, they probably do, but does anyone really like sitting all alone seeing and hearing all that while the memories of the past haunt them? Was Frank Slade a Scrooge? Did he deserve to feel depressed, lonely, and pointless for having taken his life or his family for granted? His new friend Charlie didn't believe that. However, the scene that I'm reminded of is the Thanksgiving Dinner scene. Frank takes his new friend Charlie to his "family's" house after having told Charlie that "every family has one" (one, referring to the unliked or unwanted member). The family hasn't seen Frank in a long time. They are all immediately uncomfortable. Frank makes it even worse just being himself. They don't like his conversation, his advice, or his jokes. They wish he hadn't come. Charlie is enlightened by the scene as he realizes there are two sides to every story and how ostracizing individuals is a severe hypocrisy that hurts humanity.

I recall this movie scene and the character of Frank Slade even though "Scent of a Woman" is not about Christmas or the holidays. It's the best example in my mind of the loneliness and depression that some people experience causing them to dislike the holidays. While happy Christians are sitting at their tables sharing food and good music and love and warmth and saying "God Bless Everyone" they forgot about some people. They aren't really living up to the commandment given by Jesus: Love People. They gather around the Christmas tree and give presents to a select few. Those who are "worthy" - Those who "deserve" it - Those who are "special" - Those who please them. That's not what Jesus said. Jesus sat at many tables of people who were different from him. He broke bread with many people of different faiths, opinions, and they probably made him feel uncomfortable at times. Do you think Jesus felt lonely and depressed during his life? Do you think that we should send him a bottle of Prozac wrapped in a pretty gift box to cheer him up? I don't think we can unless the Postal service can go back through time 2024 years ago.

I'm mentioning all of this because I'm a Christian, a believer of Jesus Christ. I still love Christmas and the other holidays also. But I'm seeing how my life and the holidays have changed as I've retired and gotten older. I'm lonely. I have no children to wrap presents for. I have no co-workers to party with. I have no "family" to sit around the fire with. It's just me and my cat and she already has everything, kinda like Barbie.

Oh, I find ways to make myself useful. I feed my cat, I feed myself. I clean the house so that we have a comforting sanctuary. I play music to cheer myself up and feel less alone. I make silly little crafts in the hope that they might make a nice gift for someone at the right time, a special occasion or an upcoming holiday celebration. I volunteer where I can, if I'm allowed or accepted. None of that cures the loneliness, the isolation, or the feeling that Frank Slade was experiencing. We (the lonely and depressed at Christmas) can fill our days and nights with activities, but the "doings" are not the Prozac for the empty feeling that has occurred because we miss being part of a family. We have no role, no title, no purpose, no place in any family. I'm a church member, sure, but would anyone really notice if I was gone? Maybe they'd just be happier that way. That's how it feels. That's what we think.

So the next time you see a house with no Christmas decorations, think twice before you presume to know why. The next time you hear someone grumbling a "Bah Humbog", think twice, before you "hate the hater" --- because you don't know for certain who they are, why they are the way they are, or how they are really feeling inside. A good friend once told me "It's all smoke and mirrors" and that phrase really helps me when I can't understand the behaviors of others. Never forget how hypocritical we all are, and how as a society we are all conditioned to "fake it" most of the time. Yet, as a Christian at Christmas time, we should also not forget why Christ was born and what he told us to do. We Christians should not just celebrate Christmas for our own selfish reasons or we forget the reason for the season.

Christmas is the celebration of the baby Jesus. Easter is the celebration of the resurrection. They are both holidays for Christians to honor their Lord, their God. If we can't open our hearts to each other for these observances, then what's the point of our faith?

Yesterday I walked to the store again to get some cigarettes. I passed by a person who was sleeping on the sidewalk. Six months ago, or a year ago, or two years ago, I would have stopped and asked if he needed something. Given him a bottle of water, a blanket, maybe even some cash. I didn't do that this time. I walked by quietly, keeping my eyes away from him. Believe me, it was a very difficult walk to not open my heart and continue giving. I have my reasons for that and my justifications, though it does appear to be my hypocrisy, doesn't it? It's not. Those lost souls have hurt me more than I can tell you. All I can do at this point, if one of them asked me or approached me is hand them my Pastor's card which has the church address on it. I'm a Christian, not a hero.