Beulah's Bungalow

We had just arrived at my grandmother's beach hideaway after a long 10 hour flight. After the fiasco at the airport with our luggage and then seats on the plane, all I wanted was a tall glass of something tropical with lots of rum.

I know she kept her liquor stash hidden in the least expected place, the linen closet in the hallway. My grammy didn't really drink, except for holidays and the occasional birthday toast, so I knew there was at least a half bottle of something strong there.

I trudged down the hallway flicking on lights, only to have something large fly by and hit me in the head! "That's it I screamed! Now it's two drinks!" I could hear my sister in the kitchen laughing at my expense and sending prayers up for the Lord to help me. (I am terrified of insects and my sister fears nothing.)

Finally, I arrive at my local watering hole, the linen closet. Let's see what strong elixir you have hidden for me in here. As I opened the door, Why oh why, did something else fly out at me. I don't know who or what I was fighting, but immediately my hands went up and started swinging in the air.

In my imaginary fight with the inhabitants of the linen closet, I knocked out some of the actual linens that were in the closet. As I peaked through the hem of a towel that somehow landed on my head, I saw the coast was clear and hearing my sister hysterically cackling in the kitchen.

As I picked up one of my grammy's embroidered pillowcase, one of the set that was only brought out for Christmas, a little black book fell from it's secure hiding place.

Hmm, what's this I wondered, perhaps some steamy diary from the 1930's or maybe some deep dark family secret. I debated whether I should look or not. I don't want anything to ruin the pure image I had of my sweet grammy.

I took a swig of the coconut run I found and with bravery from the bottle I proceeded to open the book.

Page one, dated December 20th, 1944, my grammy wrote, "waiting for Harry to arrive at our spot on the beach. He told me to meet him here at sunset ". I say to myself, who the hell is Harry? gulping down more rum. Back to reading, "I wore my red dress, Harry loves that color on me. I saved enough money working at the laundry to get a new pair of shoes. I decided to wear my hair down tonight." Me- grammy ALWAYS wore her hair in a bun, another swig. "I can't wait to see him. He said he had something important to ask me tonight. I am so excited and nervous. He told me all about his life in London, where he lived and about his family. He said his mother would adore me."

Excitedly I'm turning the page like I'm reading a romance novel. I need something stronger if I'm going to find out my grammy was a player and reach for the whiskey.

December 21st, 1944, Harry did not show up last night. We've been meeting in secret and I haven't met any of his friends. I'm not sure what to do. I'll wait a few more hours and walk down to the military housing."

The Jerger on the mantle read 11:30 am- I have decided to walk down to Pearl Street where most of the military personnel hang out. I m sure to see some guys there and maybe Harry. Everyone hangs out there as they have the best street food vendors.

About noon, I'm guessing, and my stomach was growling, I casually walk around to first see if I spot Harry. After a while, I didn't see him and decided to ask a soldier who seemed nice.

I barely made it back to the bungalow, I was crying so hard. Back in the safety of the last place we were together, I recalled hearing that my love was killed two days ago during a training exercise."

At this point my sister comes looking for me. Well, did you find the liquor? I made us something to eat. What's that you're reading?

Slightly slurring, I said, GIRLL!!!! This is some deep doo doo here.

I give her the quick synopsis and we both race onto the veranda to finish reading.

December 22nd, 1944- I woke up with a terrible taste in my mouth and though I hadn't eaten, I still managed to throw up whatever was in my stomach. I cried the entire afternoon. I don't think I can go home to celebrate Christmas. My mother will know when she looks at me. I have managed to hid my pregnancy for the last 3 months. I thought for sure I would have been able to escape with Harry to London and just send Mum a telegram about the baby."

At this point, food forgotten, my sister was like, "pour me another drink".

Since when did I become the bartender, I asked jokingly. Ok, but don't start reading without me while I fix our drinks.

Returning to the veranda, we continued our reading.

December 23rd, 1944- I have decided to stay in Tobago. I am not returning to Trinidad. I'll find a job and have the baby here. We will be alright. This will be the first Christmas on my own. I have to be strong for this baby and me. So timely, a pregnant woman at Christmas, trying to find safety for her and her child. We'll be okay little one, I'm strong enough for the both of us."

Turning the page, we saw the rest of the pages were torn out of the black book. What happened after that, I screamed in frustration? My sister and I looked at each other and wondered, should we ask grammy what happened to the baby she was carrying. From what we know, my grandmother married my granddad and they had 5 kids, none from any previous relationships.

Patsy and I tore the whole place apart looking for those pages. Unfortunately, we didn't find them. I will admire my grammy even more seeing how strong she was when adversity hit. She has always been very loving and happy but when we would come here as kids for summer vacation, she would always walk down to the beach at sunset and smile wistfully at the rising moon. Now I get it.