Being too bossy can damage your child's personality

In this study, we continue the discussion of the point "Don't Ruin Your Child's Personality." We have previously discussed two points, namely the first, shouting in communication or raising your voice high, and the second, giving too many comments.

Next, we will discuss the third point related to "Don't Damage Children's Personality," which is too much commanding - commands that we don't need to tell children to do.

Some parents may think that being the head of the family or leader is synonymous with giving orders. However, leadership doesn't always mean that. In Arabic tradition, there is a saying "Imamul qaumi khadimuhum," which means the leader of a people is their servant. This means that the leader's job is to serve, not to give orders.

For some people, leadership is considered incomplete without the habit of commanding. However, in the context of educating children, giving too many orders without building trust first will weaken the child's personality. The child will feel that he or she is only being used as a tool to carry out the parent's will. Even if the child is silent and does not express their feelings, parents often emphasise that the child must obey them. It is true that children should obey their parents, but this does not mean that parents are free to exploit their children as they please.

In addition, this kind of attitude will make the child have a passive personality and can bring down his self-esteem, as if he has no self-respect as a human being. Therefore, it is important for parents to understand that being a leader also means serving and taking care of their children's feelings and self-esteem.

It is natural for parents to give orders, but it should not be excessive to the point of telling children to do trivial things. Sometimes, we use our privilege as parents to feel that we should always be served. At home, we become too bossy, both towards our children and wives, just because we are tired of earning a living. In fact, we know how the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was at home. He did what he could do himself without having to order others. This attitude will actually bring down the honour of parents in the eyes of children.

A father or mother who maintains their dignity in front of their children will be more respected. When children respect us, the advice we give, and the da'wah knowledge we convey, will be more easily accepted. This is because parents who are respected will get respect from their children. Conversely, if the child's respect for the parent is lost, the child may become passive. Parental advice may only go in the right ear, out the left ear. The child doesn't argue, doesn't fight back, but doesn't really listen either. In fact, in more severe cases, the child may deny or fight the parents, which of course we do not expect to happen.

Poor child behaviour is sometimes triggered by the parents' own attitudes and behaviour. Therefore, when problems occur with children, we need to introspect ourselves. Do not immediately blame the child, because it could be that the fault comes from our attitude that shapes the child to be like that.

When children are young, parents may not want to tell them to do things because they think it's useless, they don't understand. However, when children reach adolescence, the age where they can help their parents, parents start to think that children can be used to do things that we can actually do ourselves. For example, telling children to pick up objects that we can actually pick up ourselves, or giving orders in an impolite tone.