Avoid Looking Down on Children

We are still discussing the mistakes to avoid (in communication with teenagers). Among these are vilifying, demonising and looking down on the child. Perhaps this is a result of comparing the child with other children, so it seems that we are demeaning him and demonising him because he cannot be like so and so. This is something that parents should not do to their children, especially teenagers who surely understand how bad it is when they are looked down upon by their own parents. Maybe because of the way he is compared to other children, there is a feeling that this is not fair to him and this will make the child tend to rebel if this continues to be done.

Many parents like to make a big deal out of things that don't need to be a big deal or that can still be tolerated. So sometimes small problems are always raised and disputed. Maybe these parents feel that there are no other topics to discuss or raise to be used as material for communication dialogue with children, so small things that are sometimes trivial and actually still tolerable are exaggerated.

Especially mothers, here, who sometimes because of their limited thinking ability, so their ability to communicate with their teenage children is also limited. Sometimes things that don't need to be brought up and discussed are brought up. This should be avoided. We are actually wasting our energy if we make a big deal out of small things. There are even those who directly judge, attack the child with words, attack him verbally, for example scolding him excessively, and this will bring down the child mentally. What's worse, it will lower the child's trust in their parents. This is very dangerous because children will avoid and stay away from their parents. Some parents may not realise that they have started to be shunned by their teenage children because they always raise issues that really don't need to be raised.

So the things that we can still tolerate, tolerate them. We are also the same, actually we are adults sometimes if we are blamed then what do we do? We feel why am I not given tolerance? All humans need tolerance, we and teenagers too. If we have to be punished for every mistake we make, our chest will be narrow, our mind will also be stuck. It's as if we can't do anything, our creativity dies. That's what will happen if bad things are always seen from us.

This is where we need to be smart. An intelligent person is someone who can see things from various sides, not just from one side. With that, we can tolerate others and we can understand others. If we only think from one side, then other people have no right and we have no wrong. We will always feel right no matter what we do. Because no matter how badly a person does, he or she will have an argument, whether right or wrong, for what they did. If he sees it from one direction only, a person who can only see from one direction only will probably not be able to see the right side of others, and the wrong side of himself, and he tends to feel innocent and not want to be blamed. This is a bad and negative thing.

So sometimes we as parents should be able to see the child's side so that we can have more empathy for them.

For example, mobile phones are a problem for many children today. This is an issue that is always raised by parents, as if it is only a problem of children and teenagers. In fact, this is a problem for all age levels. But sometimes, parents go overboard on this issue. Children are sometimes confused when they see their parents keep talking about the bad side of mobile phones. True, we know there is a negative side to it and it may be big, maybe the harms outweigh the benefits.

But sometimes there are things that we can't help but tolerate. For example today, how can we not tolerate holding children's mobile phones because many things related to their school are related to that object. Especially yesterday when we were tested with COVID-19, children were forced and inevitably held mobile phones. But sometimes, parents who fail to be an example in this chapter go overboard. This is actually a question mark for children, why do my parents attack me excessively in this mobile phone chapter, while they see their parents casually holding that thing, as if adults using mobile phones are not exposed to sin. Whereas, of course, in reality they are not.

how is the explanation above?

I hope it is useful and can be an enlightenment for parents in carrying out their role as good parents.