Being the "Dad Friend"

I am what is considered a "dad friend," a title I take extremely seriously. Calling someone a "dad friend" seems like something benign, of no actual consequence to anyone's life, but it's not as simple as it sounds. Being the "dad friend" doesn't mean just being parental and laid back, or just the opposite of the constantly prepared and worried "mom friend." Being a "dad friend" requires encompassing all the components of being a dad without actually being one.

I have a dad, who unlike the other half of my generation, is still married to my mom. He is a Leo, bold and argumentative but loyal till the end. He holds all of his emotions in, taking something as tragic as his father dying to let some tears be shed, and he does his very best to understand. That's his job as a dad, to be understanding. He understands that I suck at math, and have anxiety about everything, and that I am attracted to guys and girls. Sure we struggled and screamed and I cried quite a lot, but he is still there, asking questions and being supportive with barely a blink of the eye.

Being the "dad friend" means I have to be all those things. I have to be bold and argumentative, ready to fight to the death to protect my friends. I have to hold my emotions in, let myself be the one in control and comforting when a tragedy happens. I have to be understanding, and not say "I told you so" when they do something I explicitly warned them not to. I have to be the one that reaches out to make amends and ask questions about their choices and remains solid as a rock so that my friends can break apart and I can help put them back together.

There was this one time at my brother's birthday party when my dad had gone upstairs to get the cake and I was organizing the plates, holding the cake cutting knife. Being young boys, my brother's friends decided to make rude comments and were absolutely baffled when I threatened them with the knife in my hand. My dad, returning down the stairs with the cake, was bombarded with cries of disbelief and calls for justice. I had felt tears prick my eyes, thinking he would take their side, I was outnumbered after all. However, having overheard the boys insult me and my threatening response, my dad surprised us all by backing me up, "And being her father, I will help her bury the body in the yard." I remember this story not to relay the unique way in which my father and I bond or even the messed up way we react when someone hurts our feelings, but to show how seriously he takes his job as my dad. There was no joking manner in the way he responded because he wasn't joking, he was serious because that's what a dad is. Protective, steadfast, serious.

A dad has to be bold and strong but also curious and understanding. They have to be loyal and protective but also stand back and let you shine. A dad has to be there. They are your parent and will boss you around and make decisions you don't always like, but they are also your friend and will be there, as your friend, each day until they die. Every dad is a "dad friend" and that's probably why every group of friends I hang out with grants me that title, because I learned everything I know from my dad and he is the best "dad friend" in the world.