Becoming Me

Picking up from where we left off, today I found myself pondering what drew me to Vocal Media. What is it that I wish to tell the world or more importantly, to myself ? We have always been taught not to compare ourselves to others, yet it's something we often do. When all your friends are career-driven and seem to be far ahead, that feeling can be overwhelming. This is what drives me to write - to prove it to myself that I am not falling behind, that I have my own path and worth.

With that being said, my girls have been curious about what I've been doing since yesterday. I tried to explain it to them, but ended up saying, "I am working". My 5-year-old then innocently asked, "Are you working from home to be smart, Mamma ?" To which I replied " Yes".

Life with my children, often feels like a series of delightful interruptions. Just when I think that I am onto something, N2 comes running, asking candy from the refrigerator. Right after that, N3 wants to go outside and play and then N1 insists on swimming even though its the middle of winter. Its during these moments that I feel overwhelmed and my thoughts scatter, making it hard to focus.

But amid the interruptions, I find moments of clarity and inspiration. This is the reality of my life - a blend of chaos and love, where every little moment matters. Writing, in these snatched moments, becomes a way for me to reclaim a bit of myself, to find order in the beautiful mess that is my life.

I feel a profound sense of happiness within myself after reading what I have written. Perhaps these were thoughts that have always been waiting to be said out loud. It brings me peace, and that is all that matters - an inner peace. In sharing my story, I reclaim a part of myself that may have been overshadowed by the demands of daily life. Through this journey I am just trying to nurture the simple act of expressing my true self and this inner peace is going to be my anchor grounding me in the present.

I am someone who often thinks too much about what others might think. Whether its about what I wear on a given day or the difficult decisions I must make, (which I think I don't make any, much) the opinions of others always seem to linger in my mind. Saying "No" is particularly challenging for me. Being a people pleaser hasn't always helped me much yet it remains difficult to assert myself, even when I know I am in the right.

This tendency to seek approval can be quite exhausting and yet I try to predict and cater to the expectations of those around me. I feel like it's a constant balancing act. But I think writing is a bit different, at the very least I do not have the fear of immediate judgement and through this journey, I hope to find the strength to prioritize my own well- being and to understand that its okay to set boundaries.

Learning to say "no" is a long way for me to go and a gradual process. For now, I am just reminding myself that my worth isn't determined by others approval, but by my own sense of self and the inner peace that I seek. I just hope that I am not alone in this journey and expressing it one way or the other gives each and every one of us the strength to overcome it.

... to be continued.