Beacon Of Light

Tonight was the darkest I’ve ever seen it, maybe because this night is a chance for me and my children to escape to freedom. I have been preparing myself since I made my decision to leave this God-forsaken prison. I refuse to have my children become another lost generation.

I knew my children would not understand what was going on, and for fear that they would accidentally say something they shouldn’t, I couldn’t take the risk of telling them until it was time to leave.

My daughter Sadie asked me “momma what for are these bags?’ I replied, “you mean what are these bags for right?

She shook her head up and down vigorously “well-child I’m separating some things that I think well need, if we ever went on a trip”, with a look so intense her forehead showed more lines than any child should have at 3, “ok” she said and walked away. 

But my 5-year-old son James was not so easily contented, “momma” he said as he jumped on my makeshift bed, “yes son” knowing what he was going to ask already, “when would we need anything to go anywhere if Master won’t let us leave?” I swear this child is too smart for his own sake, I turned and said “son you never know what the Good Lord has planned for us, now go on and unroll your bed I’ll be there in a minute for prayers ok? With a not so satisfied look on his face, he said ok” and strode away.

We were told to be ready by 4am not a minute later or we would be left. I knew I would not sleep tonight. I had way too much anxiety and lots of things to keep me busy.

First things first, I had to sit my 2 eldest down and explain what was happening. This would be the hardest thing for me to explain since this is all they knew as home. After the young ones were fast asleep, I called them to come to sip some tea and talk a minute. They walked into my little parlor room with looks of utter confusion, since this is not a normal thing for me to do.

“Come here and sit a spell Antoinette” she is 12 years old, far too smart for her age. “You to Donovan, come, come don’t give me that look” He was my oldest child, 14, the man of the house since the Master of this plantation murdered my husband. My son looks so much like his father, it pains me to see him worried for me, grown- up to quick.

“Ok now listen here, what I’m about to tell you has been in the making for almost a year, I apologize for not telling you sooner, but I could not risk it getting out, for the punishment would be death for all of us.” 

With that, they looked at each other with a fear not seen since my husband’s death.

“What is it momma,” they both said in unison, “Do you remember how we would play the game get away?” they shook their heads yes “well” I continued on “I have found a way for us to get away and be free from this terrible place, where we belong to nobody, and be happy.”

 Now they both turned 3 shades of green I thought they would faint dead right there. The first to respond was my son. “What are you talking about, mother? He rolled his sleeve up to reveal his mark, a number that comprised of 5 digits that said who we belong to. “Have you forgotten our ties to our Master? He owns us, don’t you remember the last people that tried to run away? Their heads are still on spikes to this day!

“I think you are tired, mother,” my son said in such a condescending way, it took everything not to slap that look right off his face.

“Thank God what you think is irrelevant, that’s why I told you now and not yesterday. There is a bag in the back by the washboard. Each of you has one. There is enough room for a few items, so choose wisely. We leave in 2 hours so get everything ready we cannot be late, and I need your help with the little ones, ok?”

They turned and walked away, shoulders slumped and fear coursing through their veins. I offered a silent prayer. Dear Lord, help us get through this, and once we are free, I promise to do my very best to live each day I have left for you. Thank you, Lord Amen.

I looked outside carefully to see if anything is out of place, nope all is as it usually is. Time to wake up the crew. “Wake up, little ones” I pulled the covers back. That didn’t work “Ok,’ you two let’s go get up we can’t be late. Dennis popped up and said, “mommy it’s still dark outside where are we going?” pulling his jammies over his head, I said, “I know you don’t understand son, but I need you to be on your best behavior, ok? We’re going on a trip today”

I know he had a million questions, but thankfully he didn’t ask them. He probably says how stressed I was and just went with it.

“Antionette, honey, we have to get up now. We’re going on a trip today, ok?” groggy and whiney she said “ok mommy”

All of us dressed we gather in the main room, “Ok my loves listen up, a man is picking us up in a minute were riding with him a little distance, then we are walking for a while, we cannot have flashlights, I know it’s dark so I got each of you a green light like the glow sticks Master has for the horses at night, do you know what I’m talking about? They all nodded solemnly. No talking, ok? Use your special sign language, keep your eyes on me all the time, older take a younger one’s hand, ok let’s go!”

Just as they said right on time, a soldier in a big green truck with a cloth cover scared the children a bit. I put my finger to my lips and lifted them up into the back, where there were at least 60 others with their own little bags.

We took a seat and huddled together. The weather was chilly, but we prepared for that. One last look back at the shack where my husband was born as were our children,

A lump formed in my throat, but I reminded myself that I did not tie all my memories to a place but in my heart and mind. 

Suddenly the truck lurches to a stop, most everyone had dozed off, a door opens in front, a face appears and says “ok everyone gets off here, now you walk a few miles and the next truck will pick you up there and take you to the Underground Railroad, you cannot miss that ride, it will be there at a quarter to 8, if you miss it you will be on your own spread out into groups of 10 keep your head down and keep pushing. Good luck my friends may God be with you all.

We filed out family by family. My son looked up and signed to me, “mommy we are going on a train?” I didn’t want to break his heart, or stop and explain what it was, so I shrugged my shoulders as if I wasn’t sure. He seemed content with that answer and into the night we began this walk.

Two hours and twenty minutes is what we had to make it. If everyone cooperated, we will be ok. I grabbed my green light, and the kids did the same and we walked in silence all the way. No one needed to use the restroom or stop and rest I think even the children anticipated the importance of time.

As the day began to break, my anxiety rose. With each step, I felt the strength of my ancestors growing in me to make it.  Our feet were soaking wet from the dew. It was cold and at the same time extremely humid. But we moved forward.

Suddenly I felt someone pull on my sweater, I looked down it was Antoinette, whispering “mama I’m so tired” I responded by swooping her and her bag into my arms, I looked back, and my son did the same with his brother, smiled at me with reassurance that they were ok.

About 20 minutes later, 10 to our deadline, a truck flashed its green lights, and just like that, we sprinted as if we were being chased, jumped in the truck, and thanked God again and again.

The Hard part is over. I smile at all the other families that made it in time. I think only 5 did not make it for medical reasons I wish I could have helped them. I said a little prayer for help to come their way.

I must have dozed off because next thing you know, the truck stopped. Same as before, someone came to instruct us to depart the truck and wait here for instructions from the conductor,

At that, they were gone. It was now almost noon, and we all were a little hungry, but we waited for what was next. Just as I was beginning to worry, a handful of people show up determined to take care of business and to move on quickly.

“I am your conductor today, just refer to me as Mrs. C, there are several if not all of you who will head to one of the safe houses in this area, once the road is safe, we will get you to Canada.”

I grabbed the little one’s hand and made eye contact with the other 2, nodding we moved and followed our leader to a farm where they brought us to a barn. A door was opened that lead down, so we walked with the rest.

Waiting for us was a big lunch and a place to wash up and a pillow and blanket. So, until further notice, this is where we are and I was grateful.

The next day they informed us that night we were moving out, and thus it went for almost a month. Finally, we made it to the border, and freedom was right in front across the way tomorrow our lives will be our own.

The conductor stayed with us until our feet touched freedom; I wish I had the world to give her. She said our smiles were enough payment for me, just live right and take care of each other and don’t forget this trip and where you come from.

This is just one family that took that long journey and made it to a safe place where they entered their freedom. There are others that tried to get to freedom, but fate had original plans. It’s said that 30,000 people that attempted that journey never made it, and 100,000 people did. I don’t know the exact number; I wish I knew even the names of each one that lost their life, so I could plant a tree for each life lost and say a prayer for the ones that made it, that they wouldn’t forget the darkness, and everything about the walk even down to the green light.