Baby Alba

"Goo goo gah gah"

"Goo goo gah gah gooooo."

That sums up my understanding of Albert Einsteins Theory of Relativity.

Just kidding. I will put aside the baby talk so we are all on the same page. For future reference I'm more of a "Ohhh aaa eeee oooo" baby. Goo goo gah gah is so last century.

My mummy and daddy started compiling this book when I was 10 weeks old. My mummy is a Midwife, my daddy is an Architect and I'm the baby. Baby Alba.

Mummy and daddy originally thought this book would be just for new parents. However, as all the experiences, thoughts and ideas rolled out, we knew that this book was for everyone.

The great part is that you can read it from start to finish, or you can shut your eyes and let your fingertips flick through the pages, randomly choosing a tale when time is short.

Forget that you are listening to someone who still poops their pants and take a moment with this book. See how someone new to the world like me sees the joy in everyday things. Come with me and awake your love for life, friends, family and even the mundane stuff.

Love, Baby Alba

STORY 1

Mummy and daddy do this thing where their mouths open wide and they make this noise "ohhhhh"

They reckon they do it more since I came into the world. Weird huh?

Mummy gets cranky when daddy starts doing it, because then it becomes this never ending cycle of "Ohhhhh" back and forth like ping pong.

On the plus side, Mummy loves to watch and listen to crime and mystery podcasts. She learnt that people who don't catch yawns from another person are psychopaths.

Mummy is pretty stoked that daddy isn't a psychopath.

STORY 2

One day our car broke down. Mummy and daddy were stressed at the start. It was hard to solve but about three hours later the problem was sorted.

Daddy told mummy "I love you, thank you so much. Before you, I was always solving things like this on my own"

Mummy said "No problem honey, I love you. I couldn't let my team mate suffer alone."

Mummy and daddy are the best team mates in life.

I'm the coach of course.

STORY 3

My poppy who likes to be called Stevo (I think he is trying to be cool), retired this year. Stevo kept telly mummy, daddy, nanny and pretty much anyone who would listen about how sad and worried he was about retirement.

Mummy wrote Stevo a big card with all his accomplishments in life and future endeavours he was yet experience. This made my poppy (sorry Stevo) feel better.

I now understand that writing ideas and positive thoughts down on paper, and reading them back, can make us feel better. Here I go:

Dear diary,

Sleep is for the weak .

Pooping feels good .

Crying makes my team mates cuddle me .

Booby milk is delicious .

Love, Baby Alba

STORY 4

My daddy is really clever. I hear this Einstein guy was smart, but I'm pretty sure my daddy is smarter.

I love how he always tries to fix things himself.

He had this one problem with his car, that the mechanic would fix, but the same problem would come back and cost daddy lots of money.

Daddy spent one day researching the problem and the next day fixing it.

I love how daddy gives everything a crack.

Mummy thought daddy was a genius, but I already knew that.

I'm the coach.

STORY 5

When I was born I came out of what mummy called the sunroof.

Apparently babies are meant to come out of a flower, but because I was in a bum first position, the sunroof was safer.

As a Midwife, mummy struggle with this at first. She tried everything. From weird positions involving an ironing board and even letting the doctors try and turn me.

I really didn't know I was causing such a problem. I just found the most comfortable position and I stayed put.

When I was born, mummy was so happy. She didn't care how I came out.

She wanted to let all women know that a sunroof delivery was still amazing and she still felt that rush of love and adrenaline for me like any other birth.

It makes me happy that mummy is happy.

Though I sometimes wonder. Why didn't I get more of a tan since I came out through the sunroof?

STORY 6

We have a pet dinosaur called Ollie.

He is long, skinny, tall, lanky, black and really fast.

Mum and dad think he is a type of dog called a greyhound, but he has to be a dinasour. He is huge!

What I love about Ollie is his kindness, gentle nature and ability to forgive.

He use to be a racing greyhound but then he broke his leg racing and mum and dad adopted him.

He was timid and sad when mum first got him. He didn't know what a comfy bed or a dog toy was. He didn't even know what cuddles were.

Luckily, I didn't have to meet the old Ollie.

I met the happy and jolly Ollie of today.

The Ollie that runs for happiness and because he chooses to run. The way he flicks sand around at the beach and bounces around with excitement.

The Ollie that want wants a pat from everyone he encounters.

The Ollie that responds to the slightest noises such as the creak of the fridge door or the opening of a packet of chips.

I love Ollie and I love how much he loves my mummy and daddy.

P.S I can't believe dinosaurs are allowed at the beach

STORY 7

Dear diary,

The best thing about today was the same as yesterday and the day before that.

Mummy's boobies.

Yummy and comfy .

Love, Alba