Awakening Through My Father's Death

The week before my father’s death I had some pretty intense stuff happening around me. Specifically, on the portal night of 2.2.2020; I was visited by my guides. I had a listless night of sleep, having extreme dreams, including a lucid dream. I had been tossing and turning, stuck in that twilight sleep already, and time felt like it was moving in a spiral rather than a straight line. Before I knew it, I was in a lucid dream, sleep paralysis and all. Next to my bed stood a very tall, thin, white (almost translucent) torso; I began to panic. Something within me told me to relax. This isn’t malicious; it’s actually one of my guides, and I instantly fell back asleep. While asleep, I dreamt that I was at work but dressed for a funeral. I was running around because I was throwing an event (possibly the funeral), and I then met up with my close friend and his brother. The way I was comforting my friend, I thought the funeral was for his father. I don’t remember anything else from the dream, but I woke again, and I thought my boyfriend was getting into bed. He told me, “You have to move,” because I was on his side of bed; I apologized and rolled over. Some more time passes, and I wake again, rolling over to see my boyfriend wasn’t actually in bed. I suspect what I saw and heard before was my guide once again. I’m not sure what that message was all about, maybe I literally have to move from where I’m living. Maybe I just have to make moves to find my true calling. Who knows? Time will tell. I remember seeing so many different times on the clock, and like I said before, time felt like it was moving in a spiral, like I was re-experiencing times on the clock. I could have sworn I saw 3:33 multiple times. But that night turned into morning, and I had to go off to work.

That entire week I kept seeing every single synchronicity on the clock that I possibly could have. 11:11. 1:11. 2:22. 3:33. 4:44. 5:55. And usually all of them throughout each day. My guides were definitely communicating with me, but I had no clue what about. I couldn’t put the pieces together.

The Saturday following the portal night/dream sequences, I took off of work. My boyfriend, his friends, and I were all planning on going to the Field Museum the next day. I took it upon myself to be proactive and switch my phone plan because my parents were getting their own with another provider. This is how I found out that there was still $300 left owed on the account. I started to get mad, and I called my parents to talk to them about it which ended in a screaming match with my mother. That night my dad called me back and talked with me about how I needed to make amends with my mother, how we needed to be friends. “Please be friends; be nice to your mother.” The phone call ended with an “I love you” and a “good night.” And that was the last time I talked to my father. On 2.9.2020, he died in his sleep at night.

My guides were trying to tell me something, but I didn’t catch it in time. I don’t think there was much I could have done, but maybe I could have been there for him a little more. Nevertheless, upon reflection, my guides are helping me cope with the knowing that he was passing away. He couldn’t hold on anymore. He was so tired. The night after finding my father, after a day of paperwork and gathering with family, I talked to my close friend Amber on my drive home. I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts, and, turns out, she had an important message to tell me. As she was doing laundry earlier that day, she received a message. From my father. He said, “I didn’t realize the work you two were doing, and now that I’m here, I’m so happy. Tell Stephanie I’m proud of her.” My father would tell me almost every time he talked to me that he was proud of me, and Amber never knew that about our relationship. I believe he was speaking from the other side to console me.

This is a weird time for me. I wasn’t particularly close with him, especially once I was out of his household and doing my own thing, but my family tells me that I was the most like him, and through that, I’m close with him. I feel like I’ve lost a well of knowledge, talent, charisma, and humor. But through me, he lives on. So I feel an emptiness, but I also feel relief. I’m so relieved to know he isn’t hurting anymore, that I can now have him with me wherever I go. My guides just got stronger, because he walks with them now. I love you Dad; you will be missed.