At The Cemetery This Time Of Year

Every year, I make a trip to the cemetery to plant flowers, clean headstones, and plant flags that are missing. I attend to ten graves each year, and my husband attends to six headstones. Then I attend the cemetery where my children's dad is buried.

The majority of my male relatives and my ex-husband were veterans. Sometimes their flags are missed each year.

I always plant marigolds on the grave because they are pretty, hardy, and long-lasting. Some cemeteries don’t allow flowers, but my family's cemetery is smaller, and they do. I can plant in May, and the flowers are still there in October.

This year, my daughter, my niece, and my daughter's friend went to care for the graves. We took rakes, a shovel, headstone cleaners, and white spray paint.

My Grandpa’s grave has a white cross that we clean up by scraping and spray painting every couple of years. Then, plant flowers on his grave.

On my dad’s grave, we plant flowers, and his headstone is easy to wipe down and dig around.

My other Grandparents have a solid headstone that gets wiped down and flowers planted.

My favorite cousin has flowers planted on her grave.

My uncle — we are planting a female cousin's round stone with her name, birth, and death dates with ashes on his grave this year. She died four years ago now. Her ashes were just sprinkled where she wanted, and the balance were going on her favorite uncle's grave. And flowers were planted.

My mother and sister share two headstones, with their information on one and two decorative stones with flowers planted, and headstones cleaned up.

My brother's daughter came to plant flowers with her partner and to clean his headstone and his wooden union sign on his grave.

Then another uncle, who has a footstone cleaned and flowers planted.

The cemetery was all mowed and looking nice. A very colorful cemetery with real and artificial flowers and other decorative items.

We then had a dinner meal together. We caught up on what is going on in our lives. Anyone who comes to help is due a meal, and I usually cover that or split the cost with my siblings if they attend.

Spending time with family at the cemetery is different each year. Who will attend, and when will we plan to be there? The month of May, late enough so the plants do not freeze, and before the Memorial Day celebration weekend.

We talk about our loved ones that include stories of their life. Memories of how much loved and cared for they were. How much they are missed.

My daughter told her cousin, “Your dad could be a brat when we were growing up. As we were walking to the school bus, he would spit luggies (“hock a luggie”) in front of me when walking down the street.” He thought that was so funny.

I talked about my favorite cousin and how she died when I was just 13 years old, as we looked at the dates on her stone. She was young and died in a car accident early in her life at age 17. Then I talked about things we did as kids. Our fun times, and why I considered her my favorite cousin.

We go away from the experience feeling good about what we do, and about our reminiscence of loved ones. There are great stories about our loved ones and things I hope to remember and share with others.

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First published by Mercury Press on medium.com