ARE YOU SURE MAN?

I don’t like wearing “single mom” as a badge of honor, but I must admit it’s not an easy life to live, especially when the other parent is deceased. My child’s father and I were young adults who had nothing, and why we decided to bring a baby into such chaos and confusion is beyond me. I love my son, but unfortunately, we didn’t always have the best life together.

My mom stepped in and did what she could, but she had her own life and her own children.

There were certain things my son wanted in life that I couldn’t afford to buy, and he didn’t grow up with a lot of what the other kids had.

I remember my son’s father and I going through a rough patch, and my mom had to come through and get him at least one gift so he could enjoy his Christmas. I always thank God for how far I’ve come financially to give my son a better life. I got to a point where I was able to handle his needs and wants.

I remember when we lived in North Carolina, and that was some of the hardest times for us because of my work schedule. I worked 12–9pm at a call center about 45 minutes away, and sometimes I wouldn’t get home until 10pm. I didn’t always have a lot of food, so my mom would have to order my son pizza, or he would have to wait until I grabbed something or cooked. Those were rough times, but I still never gave up on God and His hand on our lives.

As times got better, my son developed a habit of asking, “Are you sure, man?” whenever I purchased more than usual. I didn’t realize the weight of this until yesterday when he asked for something that cost more than usual and he asked again, “Are you sure, man?” I told him, “Listen, I’m not going to take food out of our mouths or have our lights cut off because I want to buy you something or make your day.”

But it troubled me because so many times my son wanted something, yet he needed to make sure we’d be okay. He also knows that I’ve sometimes put his needs and wants over my own and gone without.

I had to remind him that thank God we aren’t where we used to be, while remaining humble enough to know that at any time life can happen. I somewhat regret that I planted such a seed of worry and concern when it comes to finances in my son’s life. He’s seen me at my lowest and at my highest, but there’s still that lingering fear. Although my son is now an adult, I know there are still some seeds I must uproot as his parent. I need to plant a new seed: that no matter how bad things get, there’s always a way out and God will show us the way.

Noremember losing my job during COVID because I refused to get the vaccination, and I had no idea how I was going to survive. I looked around at all the items I’d collected from thrifting and realized that my salary was sitting all around my apartment. I started selling different items, and those sales paid my bills for several months until I got my new job.

That’s the amazing thing about God and how He operates, He knows how to give us the resources to keep our resources.

My son questions me, but I am teaching him what I’ve taught myself: to never question God. What I mean is, when things don’t go my way or I don’t get what I was hoping for, I must ask God, “What is the lesson in this? What are you trying to get me to see?”

So, while my son currently carries some financial trauma and still asks, “Are you sure, man?” I’m hoping that he reaches a place one day where he can say, “God, I TRUST YOU no matter what the answer is”.

Just a thought