Are You Raising An Asshole? Part 1: Why To Avoid The Word Karen

The words we use matter. Now, if you're a parent, you can obviously say whatever the hell you want, right? You have every *right* to allow your kids to casually use bad language. But some words hit heavier than others- and before you pull an "I'll raise my kids how I want," I implore you to think about what your choices means for your kids, their future, and everyone around them.

My nanny kids of the last 3.5 years have truly taught me a lot about parenting choices, tackling major issues, and what happens when you fail to address big things. One kid is beyond well-behaved and sensible, and the other makes that red-headed boy from the 90s movie Problem Child look like a little angel. Today, we will just talk about my little Problem Child, who I'll call PC from this point forward.

I have a lot of stories about PC; I could fill a book. But today I'm just going to address one simple word: Karen.

PC and his family just moved.

On my first day taking care of them at the new place, a neighbor rang the doorbell. She very kindly and appropriately mentioned that a few neighbors were hearing a lot of excessive noise. I assured her we would make an adjustment.

The next morning I show up to find Nanny dad waiting. "So I heard we had a noise complaint," he tells me.

Next to him, PC cries out, "KAREN! We have a KAREN! My dad said she's a KAREN!"

Nanny dad walks away to go do some work downstairs in his office. PC continues to talk about Karen.

"We don't use that word," I tell him. "Your dad is a grown up, so he's allowed to use the words he wants, but you are a 9 year old boy and you may not, under any circumstances use that word. Do you have any idea why I might be making that a rule? What does Karen mean to you?"

"She complained so she's a Karen?" PC says.

"Ok. And if a boy complains about something, what do we call him?" I ask.

"Nothing," PC says.

"That's right. Karen is an antifeminist word becoming more and more popular. It can be really funny to use that word as a joke, but when we do make that choice, we are commenting on women and saying that they don't have a right to speak up and complain. It's dangerous and it's super mean."

"And since we only use it for girls, it's sexist..." PC says. (He is fascinated with the concept of sexism and always wants to know if something falls into that category, so this is a great teaching moment.)

"Exactly," I tell him.

PC actually understands, because he's a problem child, and he often makes questionable choices, but he's not an idiot. He's incredibly bright. His little sister gets it as well and she's only 7.

"Sometimes," I go on, "People use the insult "Karen" to talk about really, really, terrible behavior- like a few times, there have been big news stories where a racist white woman made it seem like a black man was hurting her and calling the police on him, which is a dangerous accusation..."

"And the police sometimes hurt people," PC adds."

"Exactly," I say. "But even though the police may need to be involved, that's not a good time to use the word Karen either...because in that situation, the woman is not a "Karen" she's commiting a serious crime. When someone robs a bank or commits an act of violence, we don't give him a nickname and say, that guy is such a Greg. We call things what they are."

The next morning, the kid's mom is there- apparently the dad is now friends with his "Karen"- she was super nice and after she explained even further that someone's home office is just across the alleyway, he was understanding.

But PC will never forget that his dad called a woman Karen. Because he's listening.

Check out Part Two to see what PC learned 3 days later!