Appropriate Reaction orrrr...

So, with my first story, I want to share with you all my aggravation with hypocrisy.

As you’ll come to learn about me, I am on my second marriage, and hopeful I got it right this time… my current husband, is great, wonderful, caring, all that good stuff everybody wants in a partner… unfortunately this is about my EX-husband.

And if anyone has ever been in a narcissistic relationship, 1. I apologize for the inconvenience in your life, and 2. I’m sure you can understand everything in which my animosity comes from…

Let’s get to it. A little more background, my ex and I have 2 children together, my oldest is a boy, age 10 and we have a daughter, age 8. We split when they were 5 and 3. My current husband has been in their lives pretty much ever since. And Hubby and I have a 3-year-old son of our own.

Hubby is a hunter. Every year for Thanksgiving, him and his family go on a 3-day hunting trip out of state to their family’s cabin. A tradition of theirs for 25 years. The hope is that one day, one of our boys will also tag along on this generational trip. Our oldest (aka my husband’s quote unquote “stepson”) has shown an interest in hunting and we figured he was old enough to at least attend this trip. Much like my husband did when he was a kid, he would simply be going for the fun and experience, not actually shooting, or handling a firearm of any kind until he is much older.

Side Note: Please spare me any upsets or politics about gun control or snarky subjective opinions. Write in a pet peeve of your own if you wish but that’s not what this topic is about…back to it.

Now with all that being said, I am not against my son having a pellet gun or BB gun. With the gun safety knowledge between my husband, his dad (our kids call him Poppy), and myself (with my military training) I know our son would handle such a “toy” with care and learn the basic principles of gun safety. So, with that, Poppy wanted to get our son his very first BB gun, kind of a “passing the torch” sort of moment between grandfather and grandson. I was all for it!

But!! With me being the sensible co-parent that I am (and honestly, I don’t really NEED to be) … I asked my son’s biological father. And trust it will be the last time I “ask” anything.

My ex’s response? An abrupt and aggressive ‘NO!” Between the rants and raised voice I would attempt to understand the “why”, but it all boiled down to “he said so.” He didn’t think it was a good idea being he was so young. I attempted to plead my case, he has great teachers, his Poppy would really like to get him his first BB gun, he would never be alone or allowed to operate it without adult supervision, we have a gun safe where it would stay and finally that our son would absolutely love it…on and on but to no avail. He had made up his mind and there was nothing I could do or say to convince him otherwise.

Aggravated and defeated, I accepted my ex-husband’s answer. I dropped the subject and respected his decision as my child’s father. Despite me having full physical and legal custody, no child support, and having the kids FULL time besides a handful of times a year…I still gave him that respect. I know…dumb. We can talk about it another time; you should hear my mother in law’s opinion about it!

Now a few months go by, and my son’s birthday rolls around. Son has a little party and a sleepover, receives a few gifts, and has a BLAST at a trampoline park. I coordinated with my ex and his mother to make sure neither of us buy him the same present. The following weekend, my son and daughter go to their dad’s house, presumably to have a mini birthday party with his side of the family.

I don’t usually hear from my ex while they’re there besides figuring out drop off and pick up times. Hell, I’ll text him a picture from time to time of the kids and he doesn’t even respond to that! And the only time he’ll send a picture of the kids to ME is when I ask.

So, what do you know…the next day out of the blue, no context, no nothing…I receive a picture. It’s a picture of my son holding a newly opened present.

And yes, it was a brand-new Ruger BB gun!

I immediately felt my blood start to boil. I paced the room, called for my husband to show him, and honestly, I felt tears start to well up in my eyes. I didn’t know if it was just anger or heartache I felt knowing that this asshole just took this moment from my son and his Poppy.

After many typed and then deleted texts… I settled with saying “Seriously?? After all the shit you gave me when I told you his Poppy wanted to get him one? Noted.”

I’m not sure of my ex’s entire reasoning, he’d deny it regardless but I know in my heart it’s because my husband’s father wanted to be the one to get it. My ex knew what he was doing when he sent that picture.

Nearly an hour goes by, and he finally responds with “It was kinda a last minute thing”

Last minute? The last message I got was the day before wondering if he should get him a Mortal Combat video game! To which I agreed…. But now? I’m flabbergasted. Angry and wanting punch him through the phone…but no, I’m not the abusive one in this situation…but I also don’t take my ex’s shit lying down anymore. I take the high road, let him know that this doesn’t sit right with me, so I respond…

“What’s that have to do with you being ““so against”” it? I respected that you said no and dropped it, just for you to turn around and get him one? Make it make sense to me.”

Hours go by. And minus some odd grammatical errors he says, “I changed my mind. I’m sorry. He’s very mature for his age. If [my husband’s] dad wants to get him one im ok with it you were right I was wrong I was just being concerned about it was all”

**deep breath** Makes me mad all over again.

Now, to the untrained, unmanipulated, not yet abused eye…this might sound like a wonderful apology, a legit “I’m sorry.” But I know better, there is no response to which I can express the hurt he’s caused nor can I change what is already done. I could continue, only for him to say “I already apologized, what more do you want from me?’ Or I can say “Thank you for acknowledging…your ignorance” or whatever…but either way he thinks he’s won. So, I don’t respond. Because to a narcissist, as long as they feel they did no wrong, then that’s all that matters. Let him think that he’s won…

Because all he’s done now is completely invalidated the SMALL ounce of respect I had for him as our children’s father. He never ran it by ME, why should I do so ever again? In MY opinion, if he ever wants me to value his input or take his opinion into account when it comes to my kids…he’ll have to start paying me to do so first.