Angel Mom

It all starts when we hear those beeps coming together as a beautiful rhythm that instantly has us falling in love with the simple thought of you. As you become everything we ever dream of; the reason we work harder than ever before. Every effort, thought, and waking moment is spent trying to make it better for your arrival. Then one day something feels "off"; we don't feel you here with us anymore. We go to the Doctor just to be told that you are gone before we even get to meet. All the love that we hold in our heart for you then turns to grief as we try to process the thought of never meeting you. As you walk from the office to your vehicle, trying to see through the tears; you really can’t help but to think, Why me? Was I not good enough to be a “Real” Mother? What was I doing so wrong?

In the beginning it really is a struggle to back to “normal” after losing your child as with all death. But this is a death that happened when you were making a life and it’s so difficult to understand. After getting back in the cycle of life you look back and think on those moments still bringing tears to your eyes. As you sit there and smile fondly remembering all the love that went into that beautiful rhythm. You have moved forward in life but that child will always be there and their love for you will always be shown; because when their heart started beating, they knew only of the love you held for them. They knew with every pulse that pushed the nutrients into them that you only had love for them and there was no evil that could harm them at that moment.

It is very difficult for many women to cope with the loss of their “Angel” baby and some choose to push it to the farthest parts of their brain; to lock it away and forget the pain you're feeling. Others choose to make memorials to the loss of their little one and for the life they never got to live. But for all mothers those emotions and memories are still very much there; still clear as the day it had happened. Whether you have had children after losing the one; or giving that one more siblings to look out for from above. You are not alone and you should not feel alone because the love for that child still helps you to be a better person and wanting to give them a better life will help you move forward and give you a love that is worth fighting for. Don’t look at it as an end but as a new beginning to live your life with someone else watching over you wanting nothing but the best for you.

You are the Mother to a wonderful angel who will never know anything but the love that you have in your heart for them. It will be very difficult to find your new normal; to be a functioning human and move on with your life. Remember one thing, they loved you and they would only want what is best for you because you are still their mother and they know you only wanted what was best for them. Please if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for the angel that’s shouting “Go Mom!” from the sky because they want to see you be the best person you can be. You will never be alone because they will always be with you, in your heart and from above.