Among brothers and sisters, the number of children with "good luck" and multiple families can generally be said to be right.

While chatting with her friends, she talked about her two sons and couldn't help feeling:

"the two children are born different. The big ones are sensitive and stubborn, and the small ones are simple and honest. You say, the children born to the same parents are also brought up by me, so how can they have a completely different personality? "

Families with many children must have a deep understanding of this: the same "manufacturer", the same "raw material" and even the "processing technology" are all the same, but the children raised are just different.

As big as their personality preferences and as small as dressing and eating, they seem to tell you what it means to be "poles apart" and "very different".

Children from the same family have different destinies when they grow up. What on earth is going on?

"Family constellation"

Rudolph Drax, a famous psychologist, mentions a word-family constellation in his book Children: challenge.

The book explains:

The relationship in the family is like a constellation. Each member's position in the "family constellation" will have a unique impact on his behavior and character.

At the beginning of marriage, it was a simple "constellation". When the first child appears, a new dimension appears in this constellation.

Parents give selfless love to their children from one end, and children receive love from their parents from the other. A typical "give-receive" relationship is formed between them.

When the second child shows up, the balance is broken. When a third child appears, the network will adjust again.

What is the secret about the influence of birth order on children?

Leader, boss.

As the first new life in the Family sign, the eldest received the most love from his parents. If the second doesn't show up, he can almost always be a "baby".

But unfortunately, not long after the days of the "Little Emperor", he was usurped by the second. He was forced to "drive down" from his position, and his parents allowed this to happen!

"now that the second child is a baby, what is my position?"

The boss found it necessary to reposition himself. He concluded from his parents' words and behavior, as well as his own observation: "I am the oldest child, and I am also the most capable child in the current situation."

In order to get the love and attention of his parents, the General Assembly strives to maintain its leading position-the Affairs Department is in the first place. Because the boss thought: "only by doing my best can I meet my parents' expectations."

The eldest always takes on the responsibility of taking care of his younger brothers and sisters, and in getting along with his brothers and sisters, he unconsciously forms such a character:

Responsible, responsible, leadership, independent, conservative and not aggressive.

Are these abilities very similar to those shown by parents to their children? so it makes sense to say that "the eldest sister is like the mother" and "the eldest brother is like the father".

"Sandwich" number two

If you have three children in your family, you may find that the second is the one who is undervalued, but the most clever and sensible.

When he "usurped" the boss's position, he also received love from his parents. But the good times didn't last long, and not long after he was a baby, he was usurped by the third.

At this time, he was faced with a very awkward situation: neither the excellence of the boss, nor the privilege of the third.

Whether it is age advantage or psychological advantage, the boss in front of him is always so good. Moreover, the areas in which he can do well seem to have been "occupied" by the boss.

On the other hand, the third is cuter and weaker than he is, and needs more love and care from his parents. Unconsciously, the second seems to be a small transparent. I can't reach it, I can't do it.

It really answered that sentence: "the boss hurts, the old and the young love, and the one in the middle takes the foot."

In order to change this situation, the second actively seeks his own position in the family constellation. Slowly, he found that: sensible, considerate, clever, no trouble, so that adults do not worry.

These traits will win parents' approval and love.

As a result, the second is more observant than other brothers and sisters, is more able to please their parents and become what their parents expect them to be. At the same time, the second is also more sensitive and prone to inferiority.

His heart was full of grievances and felt very unfair. At the same time, he is kind-hearted and can sympathize with the weak, because he thinks he is the "weak".

In interpersonal relationships, the second is usually the more easygoing one and does not offend people easily.

"favored" the third

When it comes to the youngest, we usually think of a word-pampering.

As the youngest child in the family, cuckoo mother knows a lot about the position of "old and young".

Born in a big family, the work and responsibilities of the family are all taken care of by the brothers and sisters above. When young and old want to do something, in the view of the family, it is just "unhelpful". And they will subconsciously do a good job for Lao Bao.

When he is taken care of by his parents at home and by his brothers and sisters when he goes out, the third can easily define himself as "weak".

At the same time, you don't have to worry about your own family affairs, and you don't seem to have to worry so much about your own affairs. Young and old found that all he had to do was to be happy.

Therefore, young and old are generally the most carefree one in the family, and they are also the most imaginative and creative one. He can fantasize freely, or he can play without scruples.

Young and old often mistakenly think that they have to catch up with all the people in front of them in order to show their value. When they grow up, even if they are very outstanding, they continue to prove themselves.

Whose "good luck"

Of course, the effect of ranking on personality is not absolute. Because in life, there will be other changing factors.

For example, in multiple families, the proportion of boys and girls, the order of boys and girls, the age of the interval between children, and so on. All these will invisibly affect the child's judgment of his own position and the formation of his or her character.

However, according to psychology:

"No matter how external factors change, most of the differences between children in the same family can be explained by how they view themselves and other siblings."

If you ask, whose "life" is better in the rankings

There is no clear data to show that the number of successful people in various industries accounts for the largest proportion.

However, from the perspective of the impact of ranking on character, the eldest is more likely to be a leader when he grows up, the second is more inclined to be a regulator, and the elder and younger prefer creative work.

They will occupy different positions according to their own personality. There is no difference between who is good and who is bad in these positions. It's just that, as parents, when we raise multiple children, we can care for them better according to the order.

Give most of them some encouragement. Tell him that it doesn't matter if you don't be first, and it doesn't matter if you lose. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. After all, he is only a child.

Pay more attention to the second child. Tell him that it doesn't matter if he's not as capable as the boss, and it doesn't matter if he's not as capricious as the old and young. He is also a treasure in the palms of his parents, he has his advantages and strengths, can emit a unique light.

Give the third one more patience and instruction. Tell him that it doesn't matter if you can't reach your brother and sister, and you don't need to catch up with everyone. In addition, you should rely on yourself for your own affairs and r