American Matriarchy

How some single moms raise their kids in China

The Mosuo people are a small ethnic group living in Yunnan and Sichuan provinces in China. This region is famous throughout the world for its practice of walking marriage. The walking marriage has been practiced for about 2000 years. The population of the Mosuo people is approximately 56,000. A walking marriage works a little like this:

A man and woman meet during the daytime in the village, and an attraction ensues. The man then asks the woman if he can “visit” (hook-up) that same evening. If she is game, he walks to her home that night for a “visit,” but he must leave her home, which she shares with ten or so family members, by daylight. He then walks back to his home, where he lives with his family on his maternal line.

If she gets pregnant due to the “visit,” the child remains with not just the Mom but with up to four generations in the same household. The child that resulted from that “visit” will be cared for by the maternal Grandmother, maternal uncles (Mom’s brothers), and Mom’s sisters and cousins. The woman will remain in her mother’s home even when she becomes a mother, a single mom, that is. The father and mother can choose to maintain the intimate relationship and be monogamous or not.

What is so fascinating to me about this small group of Chinese people living in the China mountains is that the father is not legally obligated to financially support the resulting child of the union. The Men in this community are expected to be attentive Uncles instead of being expected to care for their biological kids. The mom’s brother or brothers help kids with homework, teach farming techniques, etc. The Uncles are so highly esteemed in this part of the world by the kids because they are the ones that do the most “male bonding. The Grandmother in each home is responsible for passing down property and family names. The family line is always traced thru the female side of the family. This is a matriarchy.

The biological father can “visit” his offspring but only at night when he visits the mother. The birth father's visits are not required because he is obligated to care for his sister's children. It is acceptable for women in this community to have more than one sexual partner, and the resulting children are not frowned upon. The men can also have multiple lovers and are not looked down upon.

Home of the Mosuo People of China

The most exciting thing about this group of people is that according to childresearch.net, researchers found the children of these single moms of the Mosuo people to happy and content. A direct quote was:

“Children enjoy their happy childhood blessed with love from many “mothers”(2022,child research).

Happy kids, Happy life

“Among the Baby Boomers and Generation X, people who had higher levels of emotional wellbeing during childhood and adolescence were more likely to report being satisfied with life when they reached adulthood.” (2019,centre for longitudinal studies)

Matriarchy in Black America

I was partially raised by my mother’s sister; my Aunt. If I close my eyes, I can still see my Aunt loading me and my cousins (her sons) in the car and going on a road trip. She lived practically around the corner from my parent's home. Our home included me, my brother, mom, and dad. I watched my parents in amazement as they worked so hard to raise us and partially raise nephews that lived nearby. If my parents were not around, I knew my Aunt was there, and my cousins knew my parents were there for them.

“Roughly three-in-ten Black people (32%) live in households whose household head is female”(2021pewresearch)

There is so much talk in the U.S. about the single Mom leading to poor outcomes for their children and that kids raised in two-parent homes have better results. Some statistics support that notion, but my cousins were raised primarily by a single African American mom, grew up to be amazing men that married, and are now busy raising boys to become incredible men in their own right. Most people know that there are some formidable single Moms out there. I have known single moms that were such good moms, but still, their kids had outcomes that no mom wants (school dropout, incarceration, etc.)

85% of all youths in U.S. prison come from fatherless homes — 20 times the average.

85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes — 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)

These horrifying statistics beg the question, how can the youths of the Mosuo people in china be so content being raised by a single Mom when some children in the U.S. are troubled, according to statistics?

I thought about this, and I think the difference is not just because the Mosuo kids are being raised in a rural environment; don’t we have rural areas in this country with troubled kids also?

My Conclusion

One of the disadvantages of living in developed countries, where the infrastructure and technology make it so easy to live anywhere, is that we do not live with our extended families. I know very few Americans that live in multiple generational homes. I doubt you; my reader does, either. The Mosuo kids come into this world surrounded and supported by many male and female family members to support them. They do not suffer from the lack of the traditional nuclear family (mother, father, kid(s))that exists in most of China because they can bond with male family members on their mother's side of the family.

Reading about the Mosuo people confirms that even when the child's mom is single, raising a child should not be solely the mom's responsibility. Kids benefit when mom is supported.

But we Americans are geographically spread out from extended family, so having a child here means selecting a partner very carefully; usually, there will be no Uncle nearby to help with homework.

The casual attitude some American women take in, which any dude will do as a “baby daddy,” may produce unhappy kids who become unhappy adults.

Black America is a matriarchy within a patriarchal society

In my African American community, black women often take pride in being able to handle everything from making the boss at work happy, providing for their children, obtaining higher education, and doing community service.

You are the Baddest Chick

Even if you consider yourself the Baddest Chick around, you are not Wonderwoman. You can not be in two places at once. You can not always be there when you're little in comes home from school. You must admit that even the bad bi**ch has her limits and can not always have your cape on.

For aspiring moms, let's be selective about who is allowed to “fertilize your garden. Having a kid is not like selecting a shaver for your legs; not anyone will do. If there was ever a time to be selective, it is when it comes time to look for the father of your offspring.