Alone

It had been an average day 27 weeks and 5 days into my fourth pregnancy. I spent the whole day with my 3 children and my mother. We went for a nice walk through my old neighborhood. We stopped at grandma`s house for some authentic Italian food and visited with family for a few hours. All in all we had a pretty good day. Mom decided we should probably head home since we wanted to finish our walk for the day. I had felt pretty good all day but by the time we got home I was rather tired. I put a movie on for the kids and put my feet up on the couch to relax. It was nothing new like all my pregnancies I was feeling some braxton Hicks contractions. I was not worried at first. The contractions seemed to be getting stronger and a bit uncomfortable. I tried to keep my mind occupied on the show the kids were watching but I just became more and more uncomfortable. I managed to sit up on the edge of the couch hoping to ease the pressure a bit. All at once I felt a huge rush of liquid from down below. I remember thinking " Are you kidding me? My water just broke! As an automatic reaction I put my hand down to feel the amount of water I had just lost. When I brought my hand back up I was in absolute shock. My hand was covered in blood and that was not the worst part. Nope not even close. As I realize this is blood and not water I also begin to realize that with every beat of my heart my body is gushing blood. I manage to yell for my mom. I did not want to scare my kids with all the blood but I had to get help. My mom comes in and notices obviously something is wrong. I tell her to call 911. I feel like time is moving in slow motion. I barely have energy to tell her to tell them to hurry. I could literally feel myself fading away. To my surprise I did not pass out. It felt like an eternity before the EMS showed up but I`m told it was only 5-6 minutes. I remember the look on the children`s faces, they were horrified. When the ambulance got to me I had lost a lot of blood and they were calling around to hospitals to let them know the nature of the emergency. I don`t know how but I clearly remember them calling the hospital I would be taken to. They relayed the patient information and nature of the emergency. The driver asked if they would advise to come there or proceed to another hospital. They were told to bring me there asap. I did not know what to expect but I by no means expected to be alone. When we reached the hospital my mother somehow had gotten there right after me. She was with me in this little rinky dink room with absolutely no life saving devices or any medical equipment that I can recall. Just a bed and a side table. Mind you this entire time I am still bleeding profusely. No doctor in sight. No sign of the EMS that brought me in. Just my mom and I. I keep thinking what is my unborn child going through and why is this happening? As time goes on and the only medical staff to come in is a nurse handing me papers to sign. Are you kidding me? I`m bleeding to death and you want me to sign papers! I was getting very upset on top of getting weaker and weaker. My mother ended up signing the papers in hopes that would move the process along and we would see an actual doctor. I remember looking around this sterile lifeless room thinking to myself " We are going to die here in this room". I`m in a hospital emergency room bleeding to death and there is not one single person to help me. I felt so alone and hopeless. After awhile I began to say it out loud and I could not help myself. I figured if someone would pay attention to how serious this is maybe I would not be left there alone. I suffer from PTSD to this day from this experience. When it was all said an done I was bleeding for 2 1/2 hours before a doctor showed up in my room. When the doctor finally arrived he did an ultrasound himself and immediately looked at me and said with a horrified look on his face " I have to take the baby right now by c section or you will both die. I remember telling my fiance to tell my kids I love them because I did not see myself making it through.

Things I found out after the fact... Most of my family was out in the waiting room. By the time the doctors had me on the table and out to do the surgery I was bleeding from everywhere. I am told I was bleeding from my nose, eyes and ears. I later learned that I had suffered a complete abruption of the uterus. When this happens a poisonous chemical is released into the blood stream and controlling the bleeding is almost impossible. I found out my family was told that there was nothing they could do for me and within 24 hours they would know if I would make it or not. My sweet baby had gone without air for at the very least an hour. I also learned that the doctor on call that night was out with friends and had played golf all day and decided he was not for some reason going to answer his page. The doctor they called for back up came asap but was out of town at the time and had to travel all the way back. Thank God he got there when he did or this would have been a totally different outcome. Today my son is 14 years old. He has many health issues but is an extremely happy fun loving child who inspires me everyday. He was meant to be here.