After that, sleeping was the only way to see you.

When we missed our last days with our loved ones,

people said,"Grieve and move on."

People say, you still have your own life

So we nod and bury ourselves in work

Then one night, we recall the days we spent with our loved ones

Last night, I dreamed of my grandfather again

He has been gone for nearly half a year, and though I no longer cry when I think of him,

Every time I do, it makes me sigh at how long life is, and how our reunion may have to wait another few decades, another ten thousand days and nights.

I knew this slender, handsome old man from infancy. He was an ordinary Chinese civil servant, born on the eve of the founding of the People’s Republic of China, having witnessed the War of Resistance Against Japan and the Liberation War. In that era, most Chinese people aspired to secure a government position, a desire rooted in their preference for stability and their willingness to endure modest living conditions.

My grandfather was one of the fortunate few. His meticulousness and love for mathematics allowed him to secure a position as an accountant at the Water Conservancy Bureau during that turbulent era, a role he held until his retirement.

I still clearly remember that my grandfather liked to wear white shirts and carry a black briefcase. He stood tall with a straight back, behaved gracefully and properly, and had the refined manners of a poet. His mode of transportation to and from work was a Phoenix-brand bicycle. His demeanor was always calm and composed, never hurried, just like a British gentleman with impeccable manners.

My parents worked away from home for many years, leaving me in his care until I was nine years old. Although I was a left-behind child, my childhood was filled with the love of my grandparents and the companionship of my cousins, so I never felt lonely. Under his care, my childhood was happy.

From a young age, he taught me and my cousins proper etiquette and how to conduct oneself in life. For example: we should be diligent and keep ourselves clean, be sincere and polite to others, behave civilly, and strive to develop good habits. When walking, one should move as swiftly as the wind; when sitting, one should be as steady as a temple bell; when standing, one should be as tall and straight as a pine tree... These manners and good habits have benefited me greatly to this day.

As an accountant at the Water Conservancy Bureau, my grandfather consistently upheld rigor, meticulousness, and diligence throughout his life, handling work and affairs with unwavering dedication.

He was very particular about cleanliness, meticulously wiping the floors with a cloth until they shone. Even in his later years living alone, his home remained spotless and odor-free. His profound understanding of cleanliness influenced his children, grandchildren, and the entire family.

He valued neighborly relations. Whenever he received fresh fruits or local specialties, he would divide them into portions and share them with his neighbors.

He voluntarily took on the task of cleaning the stairwell year-round. Even in the cold winter, while we slept in late, he had already finished sweeping the area below and was returning home with his broom.

Grandfather always said: "The environment influences one's mood; people feel more comfortable in a clean environment. Distant relatives are not as important as nearby neighbors; one should get along well with neighbors."

He lived a very regular life, especially loved eating fish, always took a nap at noon, avoided all fried foods, and enjoyed watching the news, reading books and newspapers, and keeping accounts.

He has certain aspirations in life, loves new things, enjoys walking around shopping, and occasionally likes to watch boxing. Even in his seventies, he learned to ride a motorcycle, full of energy and vigor!

He pays attention to his personal appearance, taking care to dress well before going out, polishing his leather boots, wearing a watch, and keeping himself clean and tidy, but he doesn't indulge in extravagance.

He has lived his life upholding the right values: kindness, propriety, wisdom, and integrity.

Of course, he has his flaws—he has a short temper and likes to scold people—but he has never scolded me once. On the contrary, he has always praised me. On my first day of school, because I was short, I was randomly chosen by the teacher to be the group leader. He praised me for having potential and predicted I would achieve great things in the future.

When I was a child, I was mischievous and didn't study well. I once stole small items from a store, and the owner came to our house to settle the account. His first reaction was not to scold me, but to sternly tell the owner, "We will compensate for whatever was taken. Don't scare my child!"

During my middle school years, I boarded at a prestigious school in the city. Under China’s education system, middle school students undergo military-style discipline to prepare for college entrance exams, with heavy academic loads. However, the school’s meals were poor, so he feared I might be malnourished and often brought me meat soup. At that time, students were not allowed to have cell phones, so he couldn't contact me. He would wait at the security guard's office near the exit after class with a food box. A few times, I went to the cafeteria with my classmates, laughing and playing, and didn't see him. He waited from 5 p.m. until 7 p.m., when evening self-study began, standing there for two or three hours.

After I started working, I went back to visit him, and he would always send me off, walking with me for a very long time.

I followed my heart and married far away, and some relatives strongly opposed it. But he said, "That place is a good place. Our ancestors also migrated from elsewhere in the past."

I could feel how much he loved me, unconditionally loving everything about me, supporting and upholding my choices. He asked nothing of me in return, only hoping that everything would go smoothly for me.

On the morning of December 17, 2024, at around 10:30 AM, Li Xiuxin passed away at the age of 92. His departure was a great loss to the family and took away my deepest attachment to family ties.

Among his belongings, a letter I wrote in high school was found. I had long forgotten about it, but he had kept it close by all these years, reading it countless times.

I regret not being able to accompany him in his final days. I often recall the little moments we shared, the trivial matters that now feel like the most precious memories in my mind.

I began to follow his daily routines, learning to approach work with diligence, waking up early, eating healthily, and maintaining cleanliness in both my environment and personal hygiene. I also adopted his methods of education to raise my own children.

I live a normal life, eating, sleeping, walking, working, and spending time with my family.

Everything seems normal.

Only I know deep down that the rest of my life is shrouded in a thick fog—a fog called "missing you."

When we were young, we didn’t understand separation. We wasted the time we had together. But as we grow older, we suddenly realize that our loved ones and friends are gradually leaving us.

This elderly man, with whom I shared a deep connection, used the last days of his life to teach me how to face death and maintain dignity in old age. More importantly, he helped me understand the cruelty of time, the irreversibility of life, and the importance and urgency of treating loved ones with kindness.

In the movie "Coco," death occurs twice: the first is the physical demise, and the second is the death of memory, which is the complete end.

I will remember my grandfather for life and uphold his values: benevolence, propriety, wisdom, and integrity.

I will also tell my son and grandson: we once had such a gentlemanly ancestor.