Adventures with F*Bomb Mom continued

There is this new goal my Mom has been working on. She seems to be quite dedicated to it too. Because every spare chance she gets she is working on it. Bet you are wondering what it is. Lets just say, I think it is an absolutely off the wall, most uncool thing she has decided to do with herself yet. She wants to be a writer, not just any kind of writer. She wants to be an Author. Like as in author of childrens books. Thats fine and all, except the fact that she is using ME as her "muse" she says. Whatever a "muse" is, I dont find it aMUSe-ing at all. When she first started working on it, she kept asking me to read it. She wanted my opinion about it. I think she wanted to see me happy or impressed. But I wasnt. And Im still not. I simply told her to stop asking me about it. I firmly told her that this kid right here wants nothing to do with her book, her stories or anything else she is using to embarrass me. Has she lost her mind? I am afraid to say this, but folks, my mom has officially fell off her rocker! And she doesnt even seem to notice it.

She says, " I am not trying to embarrass you son, I think our family is perfect to write about. How can you not see the humor in most of our day to day...." I cut her off, "First of all mom, I dont think you understand that all of my friends are going to know it is me. They are going to know because they KNOW our family. I am not ok with it. Case closed." I give her my look, the one look that tells her Im not happy with her. But sometimes I think she needs glasses too. Because she kept on about she will just change the names and then no one will know. Haha! Im laughing only because she is blind to my whole point.

At least she stopped pulling her whole booger and flies shenanigans. We went to Burgervilla yesterday and I waited, and waited.. For it... But she never did it! I suppose if her having to turn the whole scenario into some sort of book helped her get it out of her system, then Im not terribly against the idea.

I still dont want her to know that. Maybe if she stops interrupting me, erases cuss words from her vocabulary and maybe stops mistaking me for my brother when she is mad...then I could get on board with the book thing. But I suspect pigs are gonna fly before all that happens.

Now that it is officially the school year again, my mom has her fancy fresh routine posters on the wall. You see, my mom get all weird and bubbly about school time and, according to her, wants to help us be successful. She thinks she can do that by making a routine, drilling it in our brains and putting it on the wall in bright colors will, “abracadabra and viola!” magically turn me into a success. That isnt all either, she gets really into the chore chart stuff too. I mean its okay I guess, it occupies her from annoying me. But does she really gotta bust out with the sparkly smiley face stickers in every different color under the sun?

Do not even laugh, no joke folks! Okay, okay. It is pretty funny when I think about it. Maybe she just hasn’t caught up with the fact that my little brother and I are not in kindergarten anymore. Sparkly stickers don’t phase me bro. I mean maybe my little brother Dontez still digs the sticker thing, but I know what those things really are. They are more of a joke than my mom is already.

For one, the prize we earn by getting stickers on that chart is…wait for it… the satisfaction of knowing we were responsible! That’s correct you read that right. If that isnt a joke, then I don’t know what is. She says it is because FunderLand is closed still due to the worldwide pandemic and she is sorry she cannot control that. That is probably the only cool thing about when she gets out the sticker charts and routine lists this time of year. We used to be able to earn trips to the arcade, FunderLand and sometimes if we were good in school we would earn movie theatre night at the local Cinema. This national crisis really has my life all out of whack.

There is actually one new thing she has included in her plan this year. It is called “family movie night”. I have to be honest at first I was not feeling it. It sounded really lame and the thought of being cooped up for two hours in a tiny room with my mom, brother and baby sister was more like a scene out of one of my nightmares.

The whole idea is to spend time together as a family. She says, “ since I do not allow you boys to hang out in my room, and we don’t get to have FunderLand as part of the reward system… I thought it would be fun to pick a movie as a family from BlueCircle and watch it on the projector in my room.”

Blue Circle is the big bright blue kiosk you see outside the corner store on nearly every other block in the city. All the latest dvds are in it and you can rent them right there. The kiosk has you swipe your credit card punch a couple buttons and bam! It spits out a dvd of your choice that you can take home and watch. It is pretty neat. No lie.

My mom shares her room with my little sister. She shares her bed too, because she doesn’t have a mattress for my sisters toddler bed and well, she says it is hard to stop “co sleeping” once you start. Instead of a traditional bed though my m has a interesting layout in the room. She can be pretty creative and I do give her credit, don’t tell her though, for how she came up with her and my sisters room.

She has crafted a kind of sectional seating/sleeping area making an L shape along one wall and under the window. She has couch cushions too, for the part that the twin mattress doesn’t cover. Then she has throw pillows and sleeping pillows along with my sisters stuffed animals along the back to give it a couch look. She also has a big blank spot on her wall where she doesn’t have anything hanging. And a small projector that plays dvds and hooks up to her bluetooth surround sound speakers. It is like a miniature movie theatre in their room basically.

Last Friday was the first movie night. She says its going to be a weekly thing, or at least twice a month because she may not always be able to afford Blue Circle. I decided to give it try. I mean, only reason really was because she said that we could have snacks and drinks in there. She even bought popcorn and soda!

I cannot believe Im about to say this, but it was actually really awesome. My mom surprised me with this one. It felt good and the seating was so comfortable I wanted to sleep in there when the movie was over. She didn’t nag us about anything and we all got along for once. Well my little sister was asleep after the movie was done with previews. Which was perfect because I am positive she would have ruined the whole thing for me.

I guess my mom is getting better at some things. She still has a long way to go though.