A Tribute to My Grandad

It was an overcast Saturday morning, the immediate scenery coloured in black, the atmosphere heavy as everyone was looking solemnly at the casket of my grandad that was lowered into the ground. There was an old Chinese folk song, which was one of my grandad’s favourite, playing in the background as I hear my parents saying goodbye for the final time between their sobs.

For me, the reality of never being able to see my grandad again has not sunk in, too shocked at the sudden death of my grandad. He wasn’t young by any stretch; however, I saw him on my last summer break and he was all smiles and as healthy as an 82-year-old can be. Unfortunately, I was unable to be by his side during his final hours as I was stuck on an 18-hour flight across the Atlantic from America to Australia. By the time I landed, there was a slew of missed calls and text messages informing me of my grandad’s passing. The only comfort I could cling on to was believing he was able to reunite with my grandma in heaven. In fact, most of the funeral was a blur, with the only thing that stuck out in my mind was my grandad’s tombstone which read:

‘Herein lies the resting place of a man who loved his family.

Kenneth Zhang 1937 – 2019.’

Later that night, whilst staying in one of the guest’s rooms in my grandad’s place, I could hear my parents tidying up what was left in his house. Eventually, mom came into the room to check on me. Seeing her carrying a box full of grandad’s old things, she placed the box down on a table, sat next to me and asked, ‘Lin’er, how have you been today?’ Finally letting my emotions get the best of me, I retorted, ‘How have I been? Are you serious? Of course, I’m not fine!’, instantly regretting the tone of my words.

My mom sighed and gave me a hug. She knew grandad was probably the only one who could always get along with me, even during my rebellious teen years. He was always on my side and telling me to go after my passions to be a creative writer, whilst my parents would tell me to pursue the stereotypical jobs that most Asian parents would tell their children; medicine, law, or engineering.

After what felt like an eternity, my mom got up and picked up a small black book from grandad’s box of things and said, ‘you know Lin’er, gong gong (how my parents would address my grandad) left this for you. I don’t know what’s inside, but gong gong said to pass it to you if he was unable to do it himself.’ She left the book on the table and continued on packing up grandad’s old belongings.

For a long time, I kept debating with myself if I should open the small black book. In the end, I willed myself to pick up and open it. What I found was a short message left by my grandad which left me quite puzzled.

“Dear Lin’er, by the time you would have seen this, I would be near my last moments on this earth. I want you to know, how incredibly proud I am of you. My most cherished memory of you was on your 21st birthday. I remember giving you a golden key as your birthday present to commemorate your coming of age. Stay strong, stay resilient, and let your mind take you to different places. There is nothing more satisfying than the feeling of creating a story where you are in control of the journey and destination. In fact, I left a little something for you. Go to the Town Hall Library and look for a Kim Jang. He will tell you everything. I love you Lin’er.”

I kept staring at the message grandad left for me, slowly realising the pages getting wet by my tears. It finally dawned on me I was never going to be able to see him again. He was really gone. Through the night, I kept sobbing uncontrollably whilst thinking of the message he left me. I do not remember exactly when but at some point, through the night, I eventually cried myself to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up as the late morning sun shone into the room, I was sleeping in. I stared blankly at the ceiling feeling emotionally numb from all the crying the previous night. I remembered, the funeral, the book and the message and sat up thinking of visiting the Town Hall Library.

I was travelling back to America in a couple of days, I decided emphatically I will visit the Town Hall Library to look for Jim. I dragged my feet out of bed and onto the kitchen table, I found that my parents were not home. Realising I had no appetite for breakfast I decided to head to the library.

Here I am staring at the Town Hall library. The last time I was here, I was still in high school with my budding interest in writing being nurtured by my grandad. My grandad would often bring me here to show me some of his favourite books and allow me to grow my imagination.

Soon, I found myself in a big hall with books surrounding me. The smell and books and the silence heightened my senses. ‘It has been a while’ I softly muttered under my breath. As I strolled through the different parts of the library, I noticed quite a bit has changed since I last visited the Town Hall library. It seems the older parts of the library has been kept to keep part of its heritage, but there was a newly renovated computer area where I some students typing away at their assignments and flicking through various social media websites.

After taking in the sights of the library, I asked the first librarian I saw if they knew of a Kim Jang who was in the library. It seems my question was not one that could be answered as she gave me a puzzled look. She politely informed me she has not heard of a Kim Jang working in the library as she was quite new to the job and suggested I try asking some of the other staff who have worked here longer.

I took on her suggestion and went around asking a few other staff for a Kim Jang who worked in the library. But my question kept yielding the same ‘I’m sorry, I have not heard of a Kim Jang before’, response. By this time, nearly two hours have passed as I kept asking around for a Kim Jang. I was ready to throw it in for the day when suddenly, I saw an elderly man, similar aged to my grandad working in the Town Hall library. I thought to myself, I might as well try one more time. The worst he could do was give me the same answer as everyone else.

As I prepared myself for the same answer again, ‘Hello sir, but do you happen to know if there is a Kim Jang who works here?’ He looked at me a little confused at first and proceeded to tell me, ‘I’m sorry young miss, I have worked in this library for over 40 years and I do not recall a Kim Jang ever working here’. As his response left his mouth, I could not help but feel disappointed despite telling myself to not get too hopeful on his answer.

I politely thanked him and decided to walk away to try again tomorrow. Noticing my downcast mood, his next response surprised me. ‘Excuse me miss, I may not recall a Kim Jang ever working here, but perhaps you might want to try section 05.73. I do recall an author who goes by the name Kim Jang. Perhaps he is the one you are looking for’. I was stunned by his answer. ‘Of course! How did I ever not think of that option?’ I thought to myself. I turned to thank the old man and hurried to the section he told me to go to.

The section was in a little corner section of the library, so much so it seems as if it was secluded from the rest of the library. The best way to describe this area would be as though it was like the movies, and you would always find a student couple busy kissing away, hiding from the gazes of others. I immediately scanned my eyes across the rustic bookshelves looking for the author, Kim Jang.

In no less than 3 minutes, I found a whole row of books which were written by none other than Kim Jang. I have never heard of this author and was curious as to what type of books he wrote. I picked up a book and started perusing the pages. I realised that all of his writings were of fictional novels. It was all mainly in the Ancient Asian Fantasy genre, my favourite kind. I made a reminder to myself I had to find a way to borrow these or perhaps purchase an e-book. Needless to say, that was not my purpose at this moment.

I returned the book at its respective place and continued scanning and keeping an eye out for something that would jump out to me. I eventually searched the whole shelf and was unable to find anything unusual of peculiar. Having reached this point, I refused to give up and decided to double down on my efforts by going through each book individually.

This process took another 4 hours. There was an announcement the library was about to close in 30 minutes however, I had to find whatever it was my grandad told me about! I kept my search going. At the point where I thought I would give it a try again tomorrow an old book at the corner of one of the shelves caught my eye. Much to my surprise the author was also Kim Jang. Someone must have placed it in the wrong place after picking it up.

Upon inspecting this old book. I noticed the book was in a hard metal casing, which was a rare sight. What was even more strange was that the content of the book can only be opened with a key. I kept staring at it wondering how I was going to open it. It then dawned on me what my grandad said in the little black book, my 21st birthday present! I carry around the key on my person as a necklace ever since and used it to unlock the book.

What I saw next shook me to the core. With trembling hands and tears in my eyes. I made a promise to continue pursuing my dreams and to carry on the legacy my grandad left behind. The letter said:

“My dear Lin’er, it seems that by the time you have read this, I may no longer be able to see you anymore. I have a confession to make. In my spare time, I write novels as a way to express myself to the world. However, I never wanted anyone to know as it was a very personal activity of mine. That was until you were born. From the moment you told me you had a passion for creative writing, I knew I had to tell you. And so, here is my secret, I go by the pseudonym, Kim Jang. Nobody knows this apart from my publisher. I have actually left a $20,000 cheque on the next page for you. Though not much, these funds were from the royalties from my novels thus far, which I have also transferred to you in my will. From now on Lin’er, you are the only one who can carry on my legacy.

Love gong gong."