A Mom on Overload

I am a mother and a wife, and I work a full time job. My husband is disabled and I am the sole breadwinner. My son, who is 9, has autism, and even though it is what medical professionals refer to as high functioning, whew, is it something to deal with. My daughter, who is 16, suffers from anxiety of the social kind and just about every other kind as well, and depression is honestly a bit easier to manage since I myself deal with both depression and anxiety. Oh, and did I mention that my husband is disabled too? Yep! In a wheelchair due to a form of muscular dystrophy called Charcot-Marie Tooth's Syndrome. I have to a lot to aid him through the day as well. I work full time in the medical field and am a student myself. Put the insomnia to use to get my studies done. So, tired yet? I am.

Let's add to that. I home school both of my kids. I have for about four years now. I know what you're thinking. I must be one crazy organized, time management goddess. You'd be wrong. Most days I don't know if I'm coming or going. I won't lie, a lot of those days, I'm just looking for the train of life to stop so I can breath alone for a minute. Now, please do not think that I regret any of the decisions that have brought me here. I definitely do not and would make them all again. That doesn't mean a mama cannot need a break here and there though.

So, what put me on this never ending ride that is my life? Let's go back a bit. Signs of my daughter's mental health issues started early on in life. By early on I mean by third grade, I saw it in her. I remember telling her dad that her mental health would always come first because I would always prefer a daughter with a GED than a headstone. If I had to pull her out of school, take her to every type of therapist around, I would do whatever it took to ensure that her mental health was taken care of so that she hung around.

She hit middle school and her brains were on full display. She ended up being placed in advanced classes every year, she did the work and got the grades. Sometimes, she got bored with things and we had to stay on her to keep the grades up, but she always got them back to great and landed herself right back in those advanced classes the next term or year. We always let her know how proud we were of her, because hey, it was a big deal! See, I fully believe in celebrating things, no matter how big or small. Life should be celebrated. Anyway, things were great up until she hit the eigth grade. She had one class that required her to give presentations pretty much weekly in front of the class, and when I tell you that she physically could not do it, she could not get it done. The work was done. The work was done correctly. She simply could not stand in front of those kids and present things without migraines setting in, nausea, and overall feelings of sick settling in her body. I did all that I could. I wrote to her teacher, explained things to her and even had her pediatrician send in something stating that what I had communicated was actually factual. I lobbied for alternatives to get the work presented, maybe in front of the teacher after school or something similar, but to no avail. The teacher admitted that she had A+ work, but she still failed her because she didn't stand in front of a class and talk.

It wasn't long before I watcher her take a steep decline mentally. She was always sad, or angry or just unpleasant. The day she told me she'd rather not be breathing if she had to continue in school was the day I knew things had to change. And change quickly. I discussed it over with her dad and we decided home school was the answer. So, we discussed it with her, and she was willing to give it a try, and I researched and found our best options. I pulled her from school and began the journey. Within a month's time, there was a noticeable difference and I saw my little girl again.

My son didn't get diagnosed with his autism until near the end of his first grade year. We had seen some signs before then, but it took being around another child his age with the issue to really wake us up to the idea. I won't lie, I felt guilty not figuring it out before I did. But, I can't focus on that, I have to focus on the now.

So, pre-diagnosis, he definitely showed signs of autism. He took the concept of stranger danger to epic proportions. He wouldn't speak to anyone outside of the family, and some days, he wouldn't even speak to family. He was always very picky with his foods of choice. He didn't like the touch of grass, or certain textures. He HATED for his schedule to be changed up even a little bit. When he started pre-k, he would throw a fit every single morning. We thought it would improve as the year progressed, and while it did, it wasn't a lot and it took forever. By the time he was adjusted and not screaming each morning it was time for summer break. The same thing happened when he started kindergarten. Only, if possible, it was worse. This time, it lasted all year. Come first grade is when it really started to shine through bright! One day he had a substitute, and it rocked his whole world. He would get frustrated and he was easily distracted. He wasn't catching on to the regular social cues. (We still have issues with those.) It was Christmas season when a friend came with her kids and we saw our son in hers. February hit and we had him evaluated and sure it enough it was an open and shut case. We let him finish out that school year though.

We were moving just after the start of the new school year, and he would have been starting a new school. He already gets severe anxiety over change and new situations, and he would have been adding special accommodations that would have made him stand out since he didn't quite qualify for special needs classes. Instead he would have been singled out in his classroom, and kids are so mean I just didn't feel right putting him through that. I didn't want to kill his love for learning, I wanted to be able to find the way to enhance it and find the ways he could best learn without distraction or being singled out. That was his first year as a home schooled kid, and man has he thrived.

Now that we are caught up on how we got to this place in my life, what makes me continue to live at this hectic, non-stop pace? My kids. It is just that simple. I have seen how they both thrive in this environment. I have seen the joy when they get the grades, without the added stressors. They can just focus on learning, and you know what I love about the learning process? The fact that anything in life can be used to learn from and with. My son finds a peace in video games. We use those games to teach. He's learned about hibernation, laws, time zones, and weather all while playing his games. He learns new words and he reads while playing. My daughter gets to indulge in her love of music and through that she has the eagerness to learn other cultures. She stays up to date on current events and has a strong mind of her own. We get to travel and through our travels they learn geography, and they get to see points of history in person, not in books. They learned about JFK standing in the very spot that he was assassinated.

Each year brings a new focus, a new way to learn a concept or idea. It brings new classrooms, because we have learned that the classroom is wherever you are. Can you imagine your classroom being the beach while you learn about sea life? They laugh while they learn. They don't even realize that they are learning most times. Is it a crazy and tiring existence for me on an almost daily basis? OH YES! But the rewards and the happiness of my family far outweighs all of that. Through the sleepless days and nights, I am making memories with my family, and that may just be they biggest lesson of all.

This is going to be the first in a series on home schooling life, and on the life of a full time working mom and wife just trying to take care of her husband and kids. Stay tuned and come along with my family on this ride, will you?