A life given and a life taken away.

She woke up and felt sick. Her stomach was turning. She was sweating through her pjs, even though the window had been left open all night, and it was the middle of winter. She pulled out her phone, went to her calendar, and began to read the list of all the things she had to do.

*Take cooper to the vet 12pm

*Finish Writing chapter 3 of my book.2pm-5pm

*Meet with Josh at 6pm

*Take mom out for dinner. 8pm

*Go to work 12am-8am

She threw her phone on her desk and went to the bathroom. She began to brush her teeth. She looked in the mirror and saw herself. Her hair was a mess. Dark circles under her eyes. She was stressed. She finished brushing and turned on the shower water. Her phone began to ring. It's nobody important, she thought. It rang a second time. Then a third time. She took off her clothes and got into the shower. “Alexa play apple music.” Classic man by Jidenna came on. She smiled. This was her favorite morning song. She began to sing, “Imma classic man you can be mean when you look this clean, imma classic man.”. After having a shower concert for almost an hour, she turned off the water. Mostly because she had been in the shower so long that her fingers became soggy and the water started to get cold. “Alexa Stop” the music stopped playing. she noticed that her phone was still ringing. She went into her room and answered.

“Kira!” It was her Grandma and she was crying hysterically. “Granny, what's wrong,” Kira said confused. She never saw her grandma upset let alone crying. “She’s gone,” Kira’s grandma said through tears. Kira sat down on the bed in disbelief. “How?,” She asked. “she was just cleared by the doctors last week.” Her grandma was starting to calm down. “She lied to us. I guess she didn't want us to worry. They never cleared her. We are all meeting at Froedtert Hospital right now.” Kira was still in shock; her voice shaking said. “Okay, I'm on my way. Kira hung up the phone and threw on her gray jogging pants, her Harvard jacket that her mom had bought for her and her brown ugg boots. She grabbed her keys and purse and left out the door.

When Kira got to the hospital. She still felt sick. She remembered that she was supposed to have a dinner date with her mom tonight to tell her some good news, but it seemed so unimportant now. She walked into the doors and saw her grandma. Her grandma looked like she had been crying for days.. There was makeup smeared down her face. She had puffy eyes, and her nose was red. Her grandma hugged her and began to walk her down the hall. It was so loud in the hospital but everything was so quiet. Kira felt her stomach kick. It was as if she was about to throw up. Her mind was replaying every memory she had of her mom. They finally got to her mom’s room and her grandma opened the door labeled 101. Kira walked in and saw her mom lying on the hospital bed. Her face was beautiful as always, but instead of looking sick she looked at peace. Her mom’s hands were placed on her stomach gracefully. In between her hands was a little black notebook. Kira walked up to her mom and it finally hit her. She started crying heavily. She never feared anything or anyone but losing her mom. She used to joke with her mom when she would go to the grocery store with her. She would say “Mom come in the store with me.” Her mom would say “You don't know how long i will be here. You need to learn to do things yourself.” She would laugh. “Mom, I'm leaving before you do. If the world takes you they better take me with you.” The tears wouldn't stop. She never imagined a world without her mom in it. Kira reached over her mom and wrapped her hands around her. The doctors came in after about an hour and told her that it was time to take her mom. Kira grabbed the notebook out of her mothers hands and went into her grandmother's arms. “Do you have to work tonight,” Kira’s Grandma asked. “ Kira wiped her eyes “ yes i'm going to try to call in.” Kira said, shaking.

“Go home and get some rest baby” Her grandma said. Kira wiped her eyes and kissed her mom on the cheek as the doctors were taking her out the room.

She drove home with the notebook sitting in her lap. She was still crying. She had to pull over 3 times because she couldn't see from the tears blurring her eyesight. When she made it home, She kicked off her shoes, sat down at her desk, and placed a call to her job. She knew that her manager was going to give her the day off, unless she was the one who was dying, but she hoped he would have compassion. “Thanks for calling Pizza Stop. How may I help you?” It was Jessica. “Hey, Jess is Matt in today? i need to talk to him.” Her throat was dry from crying so much. “Hold on.” Jessica said. “I hope you're not calling in today, Kira. I need you, we have no manager tonight.” He said, picking up the phone. He sounded irritated . “I know Matt. I'm sorry, My mom died this morning.” Kira said, her voice shaking. “I'm sorry Kira, but I need you to come in. there are no managers tonight, and if you want the open manager position you have to sacrifice.” He said. Kira hung up before she started to say some things that she would regret. She took a deep breath and grabbed her mom’s notebook. She pulled back the strap on the notebook and braced herself.

I’m so sorry, baby. I know you're mad at me.

Tears started running down her face again.

I love you so much. I know this may be hard for you, but I birthed you and I raised you. I know that my baby girl is strong and will get through it. I wanted to go in peace without you or your grandma looking at me like a sick patient and waiting on me hand and foot. I know that was selfish. I want you to know that even though I'm physically gone, I will always be there watching over you.

Kira rubbed the page. She could see a stain on the page where her mom had been crying.

...and my granddaughter. Josh told me that you were pregnant when I saw him in the store buying baby clothes. I knew you were going to surprise me and tell me eventually. I didn't want him to tell you that i knew, it would have messed up the moment. Don’t be mad at him. I know that you will raise her just as I raised you. You are and always will be the best thing that happened to me in my life. You made me look at the bright side of everything. You made my life complete and I know that she will do the same for you. Never feel alone, or like you don't know what you're doing as a parent or in life. It may seem like I had everything together but I didn't.

Tears were running down her face. Kira’s tears were mixing in with her mom’s tears as she continued reading. She was 5 months pregnant, and she had been hiding it from her mom because her mom had cancer. She didn't want to worry her or make her feel any way. She made the decision to wait until her mom was cleared to tell her.

I know i wont be there for birthdays or be able to spoil my first grandchild, so i left a check for 20,000$ in the back of this book. Let her know that I love her very much. I don't want you to worry about money right now.

Tell Matt you quit, because I know he didn't give you the day off. You work too hard. That is one thing I regretted with you. I wish i could have spent more time with you when you were younger. Those are times that you will never get back. Be strong for me baby girl, be strong for your baby girl, and i will be watching over you always. Use this notebook to write down everything that you want to tell me or anything that happens, and I will be here to comfort you.

Kira wiped her eyes. She flipped to the back of the book and there was a check for 20,000 written out to her. She got up and grabbed a pen and began to write.

Mom , me and Josh are having a baby. I know now that you knew already. Is that why you kept making those subliminal grandma posts on Facebook. We haven't decided on a name yet. I'm 5 months in and i really wanted to share the rest of this journey with you. …I got your check and I will put 10,000$ into a bank account for her when she turns 18 and the other half will be used for her now. Thank you. I don't know what i'm going to do without you. But as you said. I am strong and I was raised by a strong woman and I will raise a strong daughter. . I will love you forever mom.

She closed the notebook. She felt at peace knowing that her mom knew that she had a grandchild on the way. She wiped her eyes and put the notebook in her purse. She grabbed the check and her keys and left out the door. She went to the bank and set up a bank account for her daughter for 10,000$. She then went up to her job and told Matt that she quit. She then drove to Josh's house and started to plan their baby shower for their daughter, who they decided to name after Kira's mom, Amarah Emerie Moleskine.

Kira wrote in that little black notebook everyday. Birthdays, holidays, arguments. Every time she felt something, she wrote. Every time she wrote, she felt like her mom was there, celebrating with her, comforting her, watching over her.