A Bad Relationship With Mom

Mothers. We need them.

But so often we find them to be the source of great pain and anguish, from our adolescence to late adulthood. Relationships with moms are hard and can be tricky. Often times they fizzle out into a distant talk or rare communications until you begin to realize that every time you see her, she ages.

Moms do much for their babies, beginning with a 9-month labor fest of building your body. You may not have a good relationship with your mom, as so many people don't, but there are ways to fix things and make sure that your life with mom is the way it was meant to be; full of love.

Here are 5 ways to fix things with your mom.

1. Forgive her

We can blame all our problems on mom. After all, no one asked to be born -- and they brought us into the world whether we wanted to or not, so what gives?

Well, you are a large reason of purity in your mom's life. If she admits it or not, you are something she is proud of because she created you. She made you then (likely) raised you, even if she did a bad job. She's human and you have to realize that no one is perfect, we all make mistakes, and none of us know what in the world we are doing on this planet. She has all the same problems as you and even shares a similar thought process. She could be the key to all your problems.

But before you can begin to amend things with her, you have to forgive. Forgive her, and yourself. She's not perfect nor are you. Forgive the shortcomings, the sins, the mistakes, and the intentional digs into your character either from her or because of her. The world continues to turn and someday you will die, and so will your mom.

2. Love her

I said it before I'll say it again. Your mother is human! All people need love, it helps us thrive. Imagine creating, birthing, raising someone and all they do is grow up to become full of bitterness because of some minor (or major) mistakes you made. Embracing the love you have for your mother (even if you hate her) makes the world a better place for everyone. Your mom may not be mentally healthy, and could actually be quite sick. Perhaps she is in a mental institute, prison, or just lives across town. Perhaps she's done some things to make you upset, betray you, berate you, or even hurt you.

But one thing is for sure, love is good, and loving your mom unconditionally is great. Something will happen inside of you that will improve all relationships across your life when you finally decide to call your mom and tell her you love her.

3. Speak well of her

I'm not saying you need to call your mom once a week and fill her in on your life then inquire about hers. Although that can certainly be nice and relaxing (you'd be surprised) what is more important is that you speak kindly of her. Whenever you tell a story involving her, make sure you go out of your way to mention what a blessed soul she is, or how she's your best friend. Mention you'd do anything for her, or share that even though you two aren't on speaking terms, you still love her and can't imagine your life without her. Because what she really is, is a beacon of love and light for you, and you only have one. So cherish what you do have instead of being butt hurt about what you don't have.

4. Understand her

This one is hard and easy simultaneously. It's hard because she may do things or act a certain way that just doesn't make sense to you. She may destroy and damage things everywhere she goes. She could be vile and evil, locked away, and studied by human behavior specialists that spent their entire lives trying to understand.

But this is also easy. You are her child. All you have to do is imagine things from her perspective, show a little empathy, and learn that at the end of the day what really matters is having a good positive view of your mother, because of what she represents in your life. Understand her and understand yourself. You will understand everyone.

5. Smile

Especially at her, when you see her, or when she is talked about. You breathe life into her by flashing her a smile born from her.

I get it, mothers aren't perfect and in many cases are the source of trauma. But a mother is a mother, and their love is what grew you. From the first bad moment to the next, it's about smiling and appreciating what there is. Smiling at the world even though it's flipped on its head, or smiling at the gravestone because you know and understand that things are truly good, and the only person you have to blame for anything in your life, good or bad, is yourself.

Remember that perspective of your moms, love her deeply. Cherish her, forgive her, understand and smile at her. Watch the whole world become a better place because you decided to take a few moments to change your perspective on an otherwise nasty person to a life-giving angel.