4 Questions to ask yourself to see if you should stay in your relationships

I have been trying to figure out my next steps. This has been difficult for me as my ex, is very back and forth. He is the father of my daughter, and I have been trying to do the right thing for her. He is very back and forth on what he wants. I also know that he is a narcissist, and has many mental health issues. I know that it is up to me to make decisions for what I really want for my life. That I shouldn't be waiting on anyone else to make decisions on what will happen in my life. Things between us have been good the last little while. Though I also know that it will only be a matter of time before he does something, or starts to treat me badly again.

I guess that lately I have just been feeling drained, and tired from dealing with him. It's so tiring the back and forth, being treated badly, or just being ignored, and just overall how our relationship has been in the past. I'm tired of being put down, of him speaking about me in ways that aren't true. As I think about all these things, I am considering my future and the life that I really want to have. What am I really prepared to do for my life? What risks am I willing to take? What do I think is the right move for me to make?

I heard these 4 questions about relationships. These really struck a cord with me. The questions are:

1. If someone told you that you are a lot like your partner, would this be a compliment to you.

2. Are you truly fulfilled, or are you just less lonely?

3. Are you able to unapologetically be yourself, or are you just trying to impress your partner?

4. Are you in love with who your partner is right now or are you in love with their good side, their potential or the idea of them?

These questions really got me thinking a lot. When I answered them with my ex in mind, it really got me thinking about my life. I realized that without change on his behalf, that entering into any sort of romantic relationship with him will only end badly. It really put the relationship from a different perspective than I was thinking about it before. Or maybe it was just the honest answers that I was telling myself that got me thinking.

When I answered the first question, my honest answer was that I would be very insulted if someone would say that to me. I also thought that no one I know would ever say that to me. It really shows how different that we are that no one that really knows me would ever say that about us. I know that opposites attract, and that it can work. You don't have to be the same as your partner to be in a relationship with someone. When the thought of being like your partner, is that terrible of a thing, well that shows a lot doesn't it.

The second question made me ask myself if I could be fulfilled being in a relationship with him. Could he ever give me what I need to feel fulfilled? I know that no one has to be in a relationship to feel really fulfilled in their life. I also know that he would want a marriage where the wife stays home to take care of the kids and doesn't work. As I would want to do the same thing. For me to do that, I need to be able to have a relationship where I feel fulfilled. He is not a guy that treats a girl great. He doesn't get me any gifts, and he never does anything for me really. I never felt like he would support me or take care of me when I needed someone. He won't be able to fulfill me.

When I consider if I can be honest and truly myself with him, I know that I can't. Thinking back, I can see times when I was honest that he didn't support me. When I actually tell him the truth about things, he doesn't believe me. It is very frustrating as I don't usually let people in. He should be the one person that I can tell things to. A lot of people in my family think that it's funny to pick on people. So I am very quiet around most people. Normally, I can be myself around him. There have been a few times when he made fun of me in some way, but in general I do feel like I can be myself. However, when I tell him things, a lot of times, he says that I am lying.

The last question really got me to think, it really got me thinking about my feelings. Can I say that I am in really in love with him, with who he is right now? Honestly, no, I'm not. For a while I have been in love with his potential, or for who I want him to be. But the person that he is truly is a cheater. It is a person that will always need attention from multiple women, as he doesn't have the self-confidence to just focus on only one. You can't be with someone for their potential, or for who you want them to be. I have known this, and even told other people this when I was giving advice when I was younger. I guess I just didn't connect it with myself, and who I was feeling. You always want to be the one that changed him, right? I have to accept that I can't change him or anyone else. So I have to love him for who he is now, how he treats me now. And I'm just not sure that I can't do.

These questions really got me in a different mindset. If you answer them really and truly, you can have a different and more clear mind set. Of course, people can change. People can get better, and improve. I know that the answers to these questions, will change me. But I can't change him. If he changes and can show that he changed then maybe, however now I know my mindset. And can act accordingly with that. So if you are struggling with your relationship in any way, you need to think about these answers. They will really help you.

-T