12 Ways to Help a Friend Who Just Had a Baby

Postpartum life is hard. Like so hard. And if your friends are anything like I was, I didn't feel like I should or could ask for help. I felt like I was the mom and so I should be the one doing everything. But the truth is, it's nearly impossible to do everything yourself. My husband took less than a week off work when our son was born, so my days felt like they were about 23,402 hours long.

As I'm writing this post, my son is sleeping soundly in his crib, resting up and getting ready to turn one in a few weeks. And I'm thinking back on all the things I really could have used help with. All the things that I would have appreciated so much.

If you're a new mom, ask for help! If you know a new mom, help even when she says she doesn't need it! Because she does. 

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1. Offer to watch the baby so she can SLEEP.

Brand new babies eat often. And their sleep is in short spurts and sporadic. All of your friends without babies will say "just sleep when the baby sleeps!" -- oh, yeah. And I'll vacuum when the baby vacuums and do the laundry when the baby does the laundry...(and there's a crap ton -- pun intended -- of laundry). When I got 8 hours in a 24 hour period, it sure sounded good until you realize it was in 45 minute bursts.

Sleep deprivation is serious business. And when you're teaching a tiny human how to sleep, it's so much worse. Your baby is the one up all night and you're the one feeling hung over the next day.

PEOPLE. NEED. SLEEP. It's science. It does weird things to you when you don't get it. Google sleep deprivation and the side effects. And then hug every mom you know.

Call your friend and tell her you will watch the baby for a couple hours while she sleeps. Even half an hour could change a life, honestly.

2. Offer to watch the baby so she can shower.

On my two month maternity leave, totaling over 60 days, I genuinely think I showered probably 20 times. It sounds like an average of once every three days, but I'm sure that was not the case. And when I did get to shower, I swear I felt like a new person.

I'm sure I had the opportunity to shower but I chose sleep or eating instead. This one is simple and doesn't even take much time. Offer to watch the baby so your friend can take a shower that doesn't last "only until the baby wakes up". A long, hot shower can do wonders for someone.

3. Offer to watch the baby so she can go to the gym.

Are you sensing a trend here? Babysitters are gifts straight from heaven.

This one may not be for every friend, but I can't be the only one who was itching to get back on a treadmill after looking at myself in the mirror everyday. Hormones don't help with body image either.

Before I got pregnant, I lead an incredibly active lifestyle. And despite convincing myself I would be active during pregnancy, I gained a lot of weight. Pregnancy is exhausting and it's so damn hard to motivate yourself to work out. So after the baby came, all I wanted to do was get back after it. But daycare is expensive and I know the one at my own gym doesn't take babies under six months.

4. Offer to watch the baby so she can go on a date with her partner.

I, of course, don't want to downplay dads here --  their jobs are hard too! My husband was made to be a father. And I know that he wasn't sleeping much either. We dreamed of seeing a movie. Or going to a fancy restaurant and having an excuse to dress up. Or going to the gym together.

Parenting can put a lot of strain on a relationship because taking care of a tiny human sometimes makes you forget to take care of the one who helped you make it.

Wanna be the BEST friend? Buy your friend movie tickets or get them a gift card to their favorite restaurant and THEN watch the baby!

5. Bring her Starbucks.

Seriously, I guarantee you she needs coffee. This one takes such little effort on your part and would probably mean so much. A gift card, again, would be great, but showing up at the door with it already ready -- omg.

(Make sure to go low-caffeine if she's breastfeeding!)

6. Do the dishes. Or clean the kitchen.

This might only be for your best friends, but man, I needed this. And at the time, I would have been so embarrassed if someone had suggested that I needed help cleaning my kitchen. But looking back, I would have gotten over it really quickly when I realized I didn't have to clean the bottles AGAIN.

Best baby shower gift ever? Pay for someone to come and clean for them! Molly Maids anyone??

7. Send her book suggestions or tv/movie suggestions.

A newborn baby doesn't do much. And a new mom doesn't have the energy to do much. I watched a lot of tv and read a lot of books while I was on maternity leave because I didn't have the energy to do anything else. And 20 minutes alone to read a book (when I didn't trade it in for a nap) was really refreshing.

It takes thirty seconds to send a text that says, "Hey, I just finished a book I think you'll love, wanna borrow it?" And then try not to judge her when she doesn't return it for six months.

8. Invite her to baby-friendly things.

As exhausted as I was, I was so bummed when I would get an invite to a late night concert or a movie that I wanted to see. I craved socializing. But toting around a car seat and breastfeeding in public were also the worst.

Invite your friend out for a quick lunch that coincides with nap time or just after the baby has eaten. AND pro tip: hold the baby while she eats.

9. Go shopping for her. Or pick up her groceries.

This one is for the real MVP's. There's two very simple ways to do this: have her write you a list of what she needs - even if it's just the essentials like bread, milk, eggs, etc. OR have her order them for curbside pickup and go and pick them up yourself.

Better still! Give her an amazon gift card so she can use Amazon fresh and have them delivered!*

10. Cook her dinner.

Or pick it up from her favorite restaurant! I feel like I was a pretty good mom. I was very good at remembering to feed my baby (ha). But I was not always good at feeding myself. And I definitely rarely had the energy to cook a meal for myself after being drained of nutrients from the tiny milk fiend I had made.

I had a few friends who brought warm, home-cooked meals to me, and I nearly cried because I was so grateful.

11. WALK HER DOG.

Going for a walk with a dog and baby sounds fun and relaxing. But with a baby, it's not as easy as just putting a leash on it and strutting out the door. There are strollers to assemble, diaper bags to pack, and a list of "what ifs" to plan for. Plus, pushing a stroller and holding the leash at the same time is rough.

My poor doggie definitely felt jealous and a little neglected when we brought baby home. We did our best to pay just as much attention to him, but I know we didn't do the best job. We are fortunate enough to have an older and very low maintenance dog, but I know he would have loved someone to come over and take him for a nice long walk around the neighborhood. I knew he would love that, but it was so hard to find the time to do it myself.

12. Just text her and check in!

This is the easiest one and possibly the most important, honestly. Take ten seconds to shoot a text or call and just give her some words of encouragement!

Check in and see how you can help her that day. She will probably return the favor when you need the same help yourself!

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I cannot reiterate enough how hard being a new mom is. And I bet your friend is making it look easy like I tried to. But I appreciated every second of help that I received!