What Art School Did Not Prepare Me For

Well over four years ago, I took one of, what society thinks, the most dangerous and risky decisions to heart and switched academic careers. I went from being enrolled in an associate’s criminal justice curriculum to transferring and attending a four year private art institution with the end goal of having my name alongside “bachelor’s” and “illustration” written in some fancy ass serif font on an almost one hundred and sixty thousand dollar piece of paper. I got that piece of paper after the whirlwind of an experience that turned out to be art school.

There was a lot of protest from the people I once considered closest to me. “You’re gonna be a starving artist”, “I know this person, that person and the other guy who didn’t get their first art job until they were 30”, “Good luck getting a job after graduating. You’ll be working at Starbucks, McDonald’s, insert another minimum wage job here”. But after being in art school for nearly four years, I’ve come to realize that it’s those who consume the arts on a regular basis that are starving the most. For where would they be without it.

In my preparation for art school, other than my extensive portfolio, I researched and consumed content that I thought would better help me prepare for art school. Spoiler alert: nothing I read or watched up on prepared me for anything. The rug was literally pulled out from underneath me before day one remotely even started. College and university life, although intense and draining academically and emotionally, is one of the most chill things ever. But when you give that lifestyle to a bunch of weird and creatively driven young adults, you’re bound to get better results and experiences.

I enrolled in an art therapy course my first semester, as minoring in art therapy was something I was considering. Looking back on my art school career, this is my one and only regret. The reason being because come junior and senior year, I was suffering a massive burnout and my mental health was six feet under. But I digress… I regret taking this class when I did, but don’t regret taking it at all as I learned a great deal about how a human brain works and reacts to different situations. Every lecture I attended began with an hour or two discussing the required reading material from the week before. Like really deep discussions. The last hour or so involved an actual art therapy session. If you’ve never been to art therapy then you should probably go. Seriously. It’s amazing how much our unconscious influences our lives and how we approach things the way that we do. And, sorry for the digression.

We went around and explained our pieces to one another, but the first of us to go said in a loud and clear voice, “I made this because I am severely depressed.” And I was absolutely floored. This created a domino effect that continued throughout the rest of my art school career. People did not hesitate to say what they’ve been struggling with or how they identify themselves. Their voices and, more importantly, their art spoke louder than the way they presented themselves. They were proud to be themselves unapologetically. And that struck a chord in me and allowed myself to be unapologetically free and present and open with my identity. For once I allowed myself to bleed to strangers. And I bled more to strangers than I did my own family and friends who I had known longer at that point.

Art has this special way of communicating thoughts, ideas and feelings that are otherwise considered taboo if spoken about in what I will dub “the real world”. You cannot tell someone you barely know that you are depressed. In fact you can’t even tell a family member that you are depressed. Because all of a sudden they know better than you do. “Oh you have nothing to be depressed about. There are others out there who have it way worse than you do.” Oh wow thanks. Suddenly my depression has cured itself and I saved myself hundreds of dollars by listening to that phrase instead of seeing a licensed specialist. You also cannot tell someone your sexual orientation in society unless it’s in a designated safe space. But even then those safe spaces aren’t guaranteed to be safe. But art school gave me this golden opportunity, a place where I and countless others could feel safe and be comfortable in our own skin. To allow ourselves to get to know ourselves better, through art and peers alike.

It came as a shock to me at the end of my academic career that this world is so stagnant. It’s so stagnant. This world has a flow but the flow is so smooth that it seems so still. And it’s people like my peers, us artists, myself, who are like rocks thrown into this stagnant flow.

Everyone is exactly the same, in this ever flowing world. I could strike up a conversation with anyone on the street and I guarantee at least ninety-nine percent of them are going to say the same exact thing, but it’s going to be phrased a different way.

Society as we know it has us pinned under a magnifying glass. A microscope. This all seemingly invisible eye has its watch on us 24/7 in the forms of not only the people in our lives but within the everyday media we consume, more importantly social media, the news, TV and magazines. What is shown to us is all conspicuously crafted within the guidelines, the gaze of this invisible eye. And if anyone so much as expresses or shows interest in something that isn’t considered “normal”, they are instantly seen as an outcast.

There is no outlet for individuality, for freedom within such a tight and linear world.

But oh for fucks sake there is. But the thing is you’re reliant on someone else to express their individuality, their weirdness, their true selves to the world. Because if not you, if not them, then who? Who better to live out your dreams of self expression than an outcast.

As an individual who holds enough creative freedom to put the universe and the cosmos to shame, I will tell you that it is very difficult to navigate life and the future through such a stiff society. I am living everyday to be the best version of myself, to be unapologetically me. I live as myself nearly every single day. Because why should I waste this second chance of life pretending to be someone I’m not? As someone society believes I should be?

Art school in retrospect didn’t prepare me enough but also prepared me enough for the world and how it operates. I thought this whole experience would transform me into another carbon copy of everyone else that seems to live in this world, but it didn’t. I was able to get in touch with my most authentic self. I allowed and came to terms with the person I have always dreamed of becoming. You can interpret me however you’d like, just like a piece of art. But I, as an artist and individual, will continue to adore my true meaning.

And maybe this is a good place for you to start doing the same. Thank you for reading, but more importantly, thanks for listening.