"Unraveling Happiness: Rewiring Our Minds for a Fulfilling Life"

You may assume that we, as beings, are designed to experience happiness. However, the unfortunate truth is that our natural wiring does not prioritize happiness. From the perspective of natural selection, our feelings are not a priority; survival and reproduction are. Consequently, being happier is not necessarily a part of that equation. In fact, people are currently less happy than ever before. In the United States, approximately 40% of college students report experiencing depression that interferes with their daily functioning. This trend is also evident among older individuals. Clearly, something is amiss. We hold numerous misconceptions regarding the simple actions we can take to improve our well-being.

I am Laurie Santos, a psychology professor at Yale University and the host of the "The Happiness Lab" podcast. My area of expertise lies in the study of happiness.

To achieve greater happiness, it is crucial to recognize that our minds often deceive us. Psychologists like Dan Gilbert and Tim Wilson refer to this as "miswanting." Miswanting occurs when we pursue certain things under the assumption that they will make us happy, but they ultimately fall short of our expectations. Our minds possess frustrating tendencies that lead us astray when it comes to happiness. One major flaw is our intuitive understanding of what we should do to feel better, which research has proven to be incorrect.

For example, many of us believe that more money will bring us happiness. However, once we have enough to meet our basic needs, additional wealth does not significantly increase our happiness. The same applies to other aspects of life, such as career advancements, material possessions, or even marriage. We often misinterpret the famous Rolling Stones lyrics: the problem isn't that we can't always get what we want, but rather that even if we did, we still wouldn't be happy because we desire the wrong things.

Another flaw of the mind is its tendency to make subjective comparisons. We constantly compare our own circumstances to those of others, setting reference points for evaluation. We compare salaries, appearances, the quality of our relationships, and even our sexual experiences. This behavior can be detrimental because even if we are objectively doing well in life, as long as someone else appears to be doing better, we feel discontent.

Furthermore, our minds have a remarkable capacity to adapt. Initially, new experiences bring us great joy, but over time, we become accustomed to them. This phenomenon, known as hedonic adaptation, means that the things that once brought us immense happiness gradually lose their impact. Moreover, we often fail to recognize this adaptation, leading to a cognitive bias called the "impact bias." We tend to overestimate the long-term impact of positive events on our happiness. However, research suggests that the impact fades more quickly than we anticipate. This bias skews our perception of the effects that various events have on our happiness.

Considering these flaws of the mind, the bad news is that these mistakes are ingrained within us. Everyone is susceptible to miswanting due to the inherent nature of our minds. However, we can overcome these biases by changing our behaviors. I refer to this process as "rewirements," a set of practices that allow us to rewire our habits and ultimately improve our well-being.

One fundamental behavior that significantly impacts our happiness is social connection. Numerous studies consistently show that happy individuals have more robust social lives. They prioritize spending time with friends and family, physically being in the company of others. Our lack of social connection often stems from the misguided belief that it is inconsequential. Research by Nick Epley highlights a bias called "undersociality," where we consistently underestimate the positive effects of social connections. Instead of mindlessly scrolling through social media, we should use our phones as actual phones and reach out to people we care about. These simple acts of real-life connection, preferably in real-time, can greatly enhance our well-being.

Another behavior that influences our happiness is engaging in acts of kindness towards others. By adopting a more other-oriented approach, we challenge the incorrect notion that self-care is the sole path to happiness. Happy individuals donate more money to charity, volunteer their time, and give compliments more freely.

We can also rewire our thought patterns to cultivate happiness. Are we inclined to focus on the negative aspects and daily hassles of life, or do we actively seek out blessings and positive experiences? Research consistently shows that happy individuals have a mindset that emphasizes gratitude and focuses on the positives. If this does not come naturally to us, we can deliberately change our thought patterns. A simple practice is to write down three to five things we are grateful for every night. This exercise can significantly improve our well-being in just two weeks.

Furthermore, it is essential to pay attention to the positive aspects of life. Often, we fail to notice and fully appreciate the good things that happen to us. For instance, we may hastily consume a delicious latte while distracted by checking emails. The act of savoring involves intentionally paying attention to and relishing the good experiences in life. By savoring, we can elevate our level of happiness.

Lastly, we must acknowledge the mind-body connection and leverage it to our advantage. Physical movement can rapidly alter our emotional state. Exercise is intricately linked to mental health, and it is important to note that this does not require running a marathon. Simply engaging in physical activity for as little as 20 minutes a day can significantly improve our well-being.

These rewirements serve as valuable tools for transitioning from a state of dissatisfaction to flourishing. However, it is crucial to note that they may not be sufficient for individuals facing severe mental disorders or acute emergencies, such as suicidal ideation. In such cases, it is essential to seek specialized care and consult a psychotherapist. Rewirements are part of a broader toolkit that each of us can utilize to improve our well-being.

As humans, we will inevitably experience moments of anger, sadness, fear, frustration, and overwhelm. These negative emotions serve as important signals, highlighting areas in our lives that require attention and change. Sadness, for example, may indicate that something is lacking, prompting us to reach out to a friend or make necessary adjustments. Negative emotions are normal under certain circumstances, and we should not attempt to suppress them. Instead, we should learn to regulate them in positive ways.

The key to achieving happiness lies in putting these strategies into practice. Merely acquiring knowledge about them is not enough. True progress comes from actively implementing these teachings. By understanding what actions to take and actively applying them, we can genuinely transform our levels of happiness.