The Library: A Haven For Self Education, Research & Community

HUMBLE EXPOSURE

I remember the day. Very vividly. 1993. I was six years old. My mother brought me and my sister, who is five years younger than me, to the neighborhood library, at that time. I can vaguely visualize the books that I saw my mother picking out. She sat down as she read, and sifted through, from what seemed like mountainous rows of books that looked 10 feet tall, if not more. She had at least 7 to 10 on the table, that I can remember. I was running amok, having fun, and exploring, as much as any six-year-old is allowed in a library. This was a new place of wonder for me and it was massive! Though small in comparison to the coliseum libraries that I'd visit in my lifetime, it seemed as such to a six-year-old.

At some point, upon crossing paths with my mother on a few go-rounds, I saw on the table books that were titled "A.D.D.", "A.D.H.D", and from what I recall, "Therapy". I asked my mother what they were and while I do not remember her exact response, I do remember it was complicated and she gave me an answer that sufficed to a six-year-old curious child. Yet, I knew enough to know they were FOR ME. This day would lead to my mother researching and seeking out professional help, as a single mother of two, to get the proper resources, attention, care, and understanding within physical & mental health for me. I am forever grateful, for her taking steps and going to the library that fateful day. Her need to know and research information at the library, lead up to the highlight of me sharing this...

That day, my mother checked out her books and allowed me to do so as well. It was like shopping! She allowed me to check out so many books, I can't even remember the amount, but as many as I could carry and then some! The feelings of escape, learning, and excitement that I received from reading were beyond anything I could have experienced up until that point. I loved to read but the library was a monolith of what I had been exposed to previously at home. Just imagine yourself as a child, fully immersed in your mind as you read, with such vivid imagination, wonder, and freedom to dive into the texts of parchment for pure, unadulterated, innocent pleasure

Outside of my mother, my father, home, the church, and even schooling, THE LIBRARY was my home away from home. It was my school away from school and my church away from the church. It was my father when Daddy wasn't around. It was my mother when mommy wasn't around. It instilled discipline in my behavior because having the privilege to be away from home, on my own, meant that I had to behave and put my best foot forward. There were five cardinal rules that were of the utmost importance to our family values:

• Respect your elders

• Go to school; stay in school

• If you have nothing nice to say about people, say nothing at all

• Stay in a childs' place; No cursing
• Use your manners (yes; no, thank you; please; thank you; you're welcome; I love you)

All in all, enjoy your childhood while you can, you'll wish you did when you are an adult (if you are of grade school age and reading this)

The libraary provided what I needed to know from a practical yet ironically, fantastical point of view. Let's say that it filled in certain gaps. The ones left by parents, formal education, cultural influences, and even society. It informed me outside of everyday experiences. The library in its ENTIRETY was my YouTube at that time. It was my Facebook. My encyclopedia. It was my safe haven which made it my heaven. And I am thankful to my mother for that daring first step into the unknown of knowns

DISCOVERY

Everything from homework to studying, chess, checkers, and an extensive line-up of board games were available. It was the first place I was introduced to a typewriter, AND a computer (which, once again, I will laud upon a little later). It was the first place I wrote my first fiction piece, at 8 years old, going to Mckinley school. "Candy Land", which won me an honorable mention at the awards, was due to playing that board game at the library. It was my first recognition and award, outside of the honor roll, at that time. I turned something I played with friends at the library and created a "personalized fictional experience". It earned me some recognition from my teachers, mother, and therapist. It even earned me some recognition from "higher-ups" at schools such as the secretary, principal, and guidance counselors.

The awards ceremony was at the city University at that time, so imagine being an 8-year old at a college with hundreds, if not thousands of people; students, professors, visitors, tourists... Now add an award ceremony for all kinds of literature to all ages, grade school to high school and well... It was A LOT! Yet, it informed me. The library passively awarded me that opportunity.

Book reports were a thing back in the day. I distinctly remember having to research at the library, especially during... hmmm... I am sure most black folks reading this can guess this one.... I'll wait.....

Ok, here's a hint: Leap year

yep...

... Got it?

YES. During Black History Month. Perhaps you may have guessed it. If not, here is a rundown: In Primary/Elementary/Grade school we had to write at least two book reports, yearly, during black history month. My mother was with me during the research, at least for the first few years. I would do reports on Malcolm X, Matthew Henson, Rosa Parks, Bayard Rustin, Thurgood Marshall, Langston Hughes...

Those are the ones that I remember and, quite possibly, the ones that I only did. Throughout the years one learns to recycle old content and make it new. I found shortcuts that worked but did not cheat or plagiarize. This taught me how to remember things and why these icons, legends, predecessors, role models, and even ancestors, were so vital to our self-awareness and self-actualization, development, and progression as Americans, as people, even... individuals.... humans... I am just as fascinated now as I was then, and it is all due, once again, to the library.

WORLD DISCOVERY

In school, I was a bit of a problem, behavior-wise. I would be fully engaged in my work, but then once I was done, which was usually within minutes, I was off to races kids! Once I was diagnosed with ADHD and I regularly saw a therapist, I began to shift my behavior. BUT the key was this: My second-grade teacher, Mrs. Dullivan, after noticing my proficiency in reading and writing and how much I enjoyed it, came up with the brilliant idea (but a bit of an innocent bribe I might add; and it worked) of gifting me a year subscription of the popular education-based but fun and engaging magazine, "Highlights: For Kids" as well as the children based offshoot of the "National Geographic" magazine at that time, "Ranger Rick", which is how I discovered the world and all of its natural glory before furthering my explorations of such at the library.

HOWEVER, there was a catch:

My mother and teacher were clever. Though my teacher ordered them for me out of her own compassion, patience, and kindness and they were rightfully mine, I could not read nor access them until I made it through the week well behaved at school, obeyed grandma (lord knows I drove her up a wall; somehow grandma Rose kept up, bless her soul!) and I finished my homework. To top it off, just to be safe, the magazines were shipped to the library and only my mother was able to retrieve them from the librarian. Talk about mission impossible, there was NO way I could sneak them and get them ahead of scheduled pickup, and believe me I tried!

There was this one young female librarian, about 16 or 17 at that time, who worked at a branch for years and I remember flirting with her(as any seven, eight, or nine year old knew how back then), complimenting her and making her laugh, just so I could get what was rightfully mine: Those damned magazines! She wasn't having it though. At least she thought I was cute and entertained my innocence.

But once they were in my grasp, I was enthralled, for hours, sometimes even revisiting old stories and activities in them, just because they were so engaging. I would rush home when I knew they were waiting for me and I would finish my homework in record time. Once I picked up the books, it was just me and the pages, engagement at a full 200%.

The stories, pictures, and information were unlike anything that I experienced or saw in my inner city, urban neighborhood. Everything from animals to weather to amazing geographic locations, to amazing feats, sports, and even cool projects to work on at home. Some issues also had submissions for kids to send in illustrations and writings for special challenges. I remember wishing I could be as talented and skilled as those other kids who shared stories and pictures or who were chosen as winners for scholastic excellence (this was before my candy land submission story). It was my first experience of being invited into other people's worlds. What a blessing from my teacher and mother to have subscribed me to such an eye-opening view of the world.

SELF DISCOVERY

The library was where I learned of my queer nature and how to navigate it until at least out of high school. Sure, the church was where I felt safe (enough) outside of school in my teens. But the library was where I could sit and read from a practical perspective. They were indeed some interesting years.

Years of struggle, seeking, asking, begging, hiding, shaming, guilt, fear, self-deprecation, admittance, self-awareness, and finally liberation of self... All of it dedicated to cognitive dissonance (which is where you are mentally fighting against what you already know to be, with new information that conflicts with the previously learned info... in a nutshell) which was brought about by none other than, YES you guessed it: Spending time at the library.

I remember seeking out books that talked about LGBTQ teens and their experiences. I looked for the boys that had similar stories or experiences like mine if they even dared speak in interviews or stories. Most were given fake names to protect their identities. I finally saw that young gay boys and girls expanded the U.S. and better yet, the globe. I yearned to be so brave and live life free. I never thought in a million years I'd have the courage to be just like the boys and girls I read about in the books. Once I became a little older, in my early teen and teen years, and I had access to the internet, via the library, my exposure to others' lifestyles became even more of a playground of discovery.

I would check out 5, 7, 10, 15 books at a time. Some were a mere 50 to 100 pages, others being chapters consisting of 500 to 1000+ pages. Having that many books to read from over the course of five weeks made it easy to get through. You read that correctly. FIVE weeks, if not more, because you could re-check it out at least twice if no one was waiting for it. And I was a voracious reader who geared towards a little of everything: non-fiction, fiction, mystery, thriller, adventure, historical non-fiction/biographies, science and nature, self-learning/self-help books, you name it.

Which, now when I look back on it, no wonder the Bible was a favorite book of mine. It seemed to be filled with every one of the aforementioned genres. The stories contained in the Bible (at least the king James versions) were just as fascinating as the books at the library at times!

Oh, and I can't forget those comic books (Image, Valiant, Marvel, DC, Iron Horse, etc) and weekly Sunday comic strips (Garfield, Dilbert, Prince Valiant, Calvin & Hobbes, Blondie, etc). If grandma didn't get the paper on any particular day, best believe I would be at that library getting the daily newspaper, heading right to comics or "Funnies" section to ingest the readings and get my dose of laughs and comedy.

AGE OF TECHNOLOGY

The late '90s and early millennium ushered in a new age of information and quicker access to info. We now also had the internet, DVDs, MP3s, and audiotapes. One would think the library was becoming obsolete at this point. Nope. It did not stop me from going to the library at all. I went even more!

When I was old enough to use the internet-only computers (middle school & high school age, 12 and up) there were rules to signing up. Everyone got a half hour to 45 minutes on the computer according to the sign-ups. I remember running to the library from school to be one of the first to sign up so that I could do so again multiple times. In between that time of waiting I would scour the library, looking at anything and everything even if only for a brief glimpse, to see what this playground for the mind had to offer. Once on the internet, I would plug into the search engines any question I could muster up. I learned many things via osmosis, particularly through youtube, especially when it came to dancing. I would look up dance videos for hours, observe them and then run home to practice what I saw, through my reflection in the window. The good ol days before my actual studio training years later

Once I was of age to do so, I would also check out the VHS tapes and audiotapes of any and all material related to dance, martial arts, and just good storytelling.

HOME AWAY FROM HOME

My father was a cross country truck driver and moved to California when I was 9 years old and so during the summers off from school, he would be in his big ol rig coming all the way from the west coast to the east coast to pick up me and my sister for 6 to 8 weeks at a time.

His rig had the works: bunk bed setup, cabinet/pantry area, cooking space for a hot plate or portable cooker, small fridge, and even a closet to hang clothes in, not to mention the outside on the side, which had a compartment for keeping luggage and heavy things in. He would cross the U.S., from Cali, stopping in between his trek to pick up and make deliveries along his route to New England to pick up my sister and me. At this point in life, he freelanced as a pickup & delivery driver of goods and resources, for a number of years until my adulthood.

But I digress...

Before our road trip I remember I would check out multiple books and sneak them in my luggage because after all, I was most likely going to be away longer than the check-out date and so would have to pay the 10 cents a day fine that would've accumulated. Tough cookie, it was a sacrifice I was willing to make! Furthermore, I needed more than my father's yapping as a parent to get me through almost two weeks in a truck!

Even when I traveled to another state to spend time with my father, sister, stepmother, and step-siblings, I always found a library. In San Diego, California as well as Macon, Georgia, which is where my father relocated to after California. The same thing stood: Find the library. Each one I visited always was complete with books, encyclopedias, librarians, library staff, computers, and other useful resources such as neighborhood happenings, events, workshops, flea markets, social services, you name it. The library will direct you in the right direction.

I would go early, come from for lunch, and then sometimes return to the library. I might as well have brought a blanket and blow-up mattress! The librarians always looked out for me and got to know me very well over the years of visiting, always amazed at how I was "growing so fast". Typical adult jargon haha. Speaking of librarians let's proceed to the wonderful and attentive "bearers of the books".

THE GATEKEEPERS

Let me give a shout-out to the librarians. They are often the aunts, uncles, and even big cousins when at the library. They were the gatekeepers. They checked out the books, found information, helped with homework, were part of neighborhood library initiatives, if not downright running them, such as chess and checkers clubs, book clubs as well as seasonal themes and parties that required the neighborhood to come together. They called the parents to let them know "so and so" were on their way home. They even called if you were at the library before school hours were finished, checking in with the parent or guardian of said child, stepchild, son, daughter, nephew, niece, granddaughter, or grandson, informing the caretaker that they were at the library. They inquired if the child/student had permission to skip school and to be there.

Oh yes, those librarians sure did

And if they could not contact the parents or guardian, they wouldn't kick you out into the streets, NO, of course not. They'd contact the school if need be.

OR

Being the gatekeepers that they were, they simply served as the overseers of all things library-based: During school hours which was typically between 9 am to 2:30 pm/3:00 pm, you were restricted to being able to only read books, not check them out. You had no computer privileges unless you were writing a report and/or doing research and even then, NO internet, strictly encyclopedias, and relentless book research. Oh, and here's the icing on the cake: If you had to type your reports you had to FIRST do your drafts on a designated typewriter. There were a few dozen of them throughout my youthful library years.

Yeah, gives you a rough estimate of my age range.

To top it off, there was no participation of any kind in any kind of club, during school hours. Things were kept in check for quite some time, and they ran a tight ship, with no room for going overboard.

COMMUNITY CHECKPOINT

The library wasn't only a place to remain quiet, read and study. It was also the go-to spot to meet up for afterschool shenanigans. It was where parents told their children to meet to be picked up to go home. It operated as a facility for those seeking resources and assistance in areas involving immigration as well as where single parents went to sign up for governmental assistance.

It operated as a pre-rumble territory when there was going to be a scuffle between boys and/or girls. The hype would be getting underway, complete with informal classmate commentators, filling those of us in the back on the action, too short to see. The commotion would cease once a parent, after-school tutor, or librarian came along to break things up, with children, kids, or teens scrambling like ants suddenly struck with water from above.

The library was home base for school crushes to meet, often flooding the rows of books with flirtatious foolery, hiding from siblings, parents, and librarians alike. Getting called on the loudspeaker by your full government name (NOW you know you're in trouble) to come to the front, as you walk with embarrassment and dread at what (or rather who) awaits you to read you your library rights.

The library was the place. It was all of the space that I needed to groom and grow. As I look back on my life, the library until this day remains to be an anchor of information, that no matter what, will soothe my soul. it hlp heal me. Gave me shelter to thrive for hours intellectually. Fed me knowledge for years and years to come.

To this day I still visit libraries, locally and of the world when I travel. I have been to my own hometown's library, the San Diego library, Macon Library, The Amsterdam library, and a plethora of libraries around New York City (the five boroughs), including the Midtown Library in Manhattan and the Brooklyn Public Library, which I am a frequent visitor of.

I can and will always dedicate my love for reading, writing, constant discovery, and cultivation to the library. I can only hope that there are others who have the same advantage and similar experiences to that of myself. And if so, understand just how vital books are in progressing society, obtaining knowledge, and eradicating fear. Once one understands, there usually is no room for fear

As Ru Paul says, as per a particular challenge for the contestants, on his Emmy award-winning television show, "the library is now open... Because reading is WHAT?! FUND-A-MEN-TAL!"

You may now proceed to...

CHECK OUT

I am grateful for my early exposure to reading at a very young age. I grew up with all sorts of books, audiotapes and VHS read along to guide me along as I discovered my love of literature. I implore anyone reading this, that even if you do not like to read lengthy pieces or get bored even after the first paragraph of most articles if it isn't exciting or engaging enough (which, if you have gotten this far you clearly are not that type; I honor and congratulate you) even just reading magazines filled with your topic or genre of choice is still just that, reading. read what you like, not what others tell you to. Reading becomes your world once you set eyes upon the words on the paper. It's quite magical. Sometimes it just takes a little building up to eventually enjoy it over time.

Reading increases intelligence (well DUH), but it also makes one more empathetic, helps to relax and once you begin reading, over time it becomes contagious. I say that from my own experiences, so in that, I will speak for myself.

That's it for now, on the "library chronicles".

The library is now officially closed. Come back again soon for more.

Oh... and again... THANKS MOMMY :-)