Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, M.S., LCPC on Imago Dialogue, Repair, and Relationship Safety

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, M.S., LCPC, is founder and therapist at The Marriage Restoration Project in the Baltimore area. An ordained rabbi and Certified Imago Relationship Therapist and workshop presenter, he guides couples through intensives, retreats, and counseling aimed at restoring safety, communication, and connection after conflict or crisis. He holds a master’s in Counseling Psychology from Loyola University Maryland and trained with the Imago Relationship Institute. Slatkin earned a B.A. in Middle Eastern Studies, with undergraduate study at George Washington University and Oxford, and authored The Five Step Action Plan to a Happy & Healthy Marriage. He also co-edited curricula.

In this interview, Scott Douglas Jacobsen speaks with Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, M.S., LCPC, founder of The Marriage Restoration Project, about belonging in marriage as a cornerstone of communal health. Slatkin argues that strong marriages reduce strain on community resources and create a “ripple effect” that benefits the next generation. He distinguishes unity from suffocating conformity, emphasizing standards with room for individuality. Slatkin explains structured Imago dialogue—mirroring, validation, and empathy—as a method to slow reactivity and restore safety. He frames repair through the Jewish t’shuva process: accountability, apology, changed action, and renewed connection.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen: Community is a network of relationships. What is belonging in a marriage within the context of a larger community?

Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin: Strong marriages create strong community. Couples that are healthy can better give back to the community. Couples that are struggling will not only be limited in what they can offer, but could also be a drain on community resources. When everyone creates peace in their home, it has a spiritual ripple effect on the community. It serves as a good model for others, especially the next generation so that the community at large is healthier when children grow up in healthy homes. Otherwise, dysfunctional marriages lead to dysfunctional children who bring their dysfunction into the community. A lot of people are in need of healing and it all starts from the primary marital relationship.

Jacobsen: Is there sufficient theological distinction between unity in community and conformity in community when striving for belonging?

Slatkin: Not sure I understand your question. Unity means accepting other people's differences and embracing them instead of viewing them as separate. There are certain community standards that some communities need to preserve, but within that there is room for individuality and acceptance. A community can not function together if there are no standards. It is also can be suffocating when everyone is excected to conform.

Jacobsen: What is structured Imago dialogue and its process of slowing reactivity so people can feel heard?

Slatkin: Dialogue is a process where one person talks and the other one listens and does not respond; rather they mirror back by reflecting as close to verbatim as possible the message they received. This forces the listener to focus on what is being said as opposed to their response. It allows them to calm down and not react and it allows the person sharing to feel heard. There is also a place to validate the sender's share by letting them know they make sense and empathizing with the emotional experience they are going through. It is a truly effective process.

Jacobsen: Jewish communities can tend to avoid conflict.This can be avoidance in one sense and disengagement in another.

Slatkin: It is praiseworthy to seek peace and not quarrel. At the same time, the hard issues need to be faced in a private and respectful way through dialogue with all parties involved. Running away from problems or sweeping them under the rug just delays the issue and causes more damage. We should be aware that there are things being dealt with behind closed doors by community leaders and we are not always aware of that, so don't be too quick to judge a community.

Jacobsen: The goal of marriage is not a consensus. It is a relationship. Practically, what does “staying in relationship” look like?

Slatkin: Staying in relationship means making space for two perspectives and learning how to remain connected even if there are differences.

Jacobsen: Accountability, conflict, and repair: what is a repair protocol for a couple, and for a congregation?

Slatkin: The repair process mirrors the t'shuva process, being accountable by admitting one's mistakes and apologizing, resolving not to repeat the same mistakes, and taking new actions to gift the relationship moving forward. This process can be done between a person and G-d, between a couple, and between a congregation. It is always possible to repair and change.

Jacobsen: Big problems in relationships: Contempt, defensiveness, escalation, and withdrawal. Are these patterns that manifest in the community, too?

Slatkin: These are all human problems and while they may show up in a marriage, they can also show up in community relationships. These are all defense mechanisms to protect us from pain. The brain's primariy need is to keep us alive. If the brain experiences danger, it will alert us and we will do whatever we need to protect ourselves, even at the expense of others. These big problems in relationships are a manifestation of lack of safety. When things feel drastic, we take drastic measures.

Jacobsen: How do you teach curiosity about others in community, so everyone maintains something like a healthy balance between humility and active attentive engagement?

Slatkin: We can teach curiosity by encouraging members to take interest in others, to learn more about each other's stories. While things may appear one way on the surface, there is usually much more beneath that would shed light on behaviors. Learn to ask questions, enagage others, and you will get to know them in a much deeper way.

Jacobsen: Thank you very much for the opportunity and your time, Shlomo.

Scott Douglas Jacobsen is the publisher of In-Sight Publishing (ISBN: 978-1-0692343) and Editor-in-Chief of In-Sight: Interviews (ISSN: 2369-6885). He writes for The Good Men Project, International Policy Digest (ISSN: 2332–9416), The Humanist (Print: ISSN 0018-7399; Online: ISSN 2163-3576), Basic Income Earth Network (UK Registered Charity 1177066), A Further Inquiry, and other media. He is a member in good standing of numerous media organizations.