Letting Go of Judgment

If you pause for even a few moments and pay attention to your thoughts, you’ll likely notice something surprising: you're constantly making judgments. About yourself, about others, about what’s happening, what should be happening, what shouldn’t have happened. It’s automatic. Often, it’s harsh.

We’ve inherited a mind that loves to label: good/bad, right/wrong, success/failure. This mental habit can be useful for survival — but it becomes toxic when it turns inward and begins attacking our worth.

Mindfulness offers an alternative: not to suppress these thoughts, but to see them clearly, and let them pass without believing them.

This chapter explores how judgment — especially self-judgment — undermines presence, and how cultivating non-judgment can bring clarity, peace, and genuine compassion.

What Is Judgment, Really?

Judgment is more than discernment. It’s not just recognizing a fact — it’s attaching meaning to it. It’s the difference between:

“It’s raining.” (observation)

vs.

“It’s raining — how miserable. This day is ruined.” (judgment)

Judgment turns neutral experiences into emotional burdens. It colors everything with opinion and creates inner conflict where there doesn’t need to be any.

In mindfulness, we practice noticing without labeling. This doesn’t mean becoming passive or indifferent — it means seeing more clearly, without the distortion of mental commentary.

The Hidden Cost of Self-Judgment

Some of the most painful judgments are the ones we direct inward:

“I’m not doing this right.”

“I should be further along.”

“Why can’t I be more calm/focused/spiritual?”

Ironically, this kind of thinking often shows up most during meditation or mindfulness practice — the very times we are trying to be more present and kind to ourselves.

Self-judgment not only increases anxiety, it disconnects us from our own experience. It pulls us into inner conflict and shame. It says, “I should be different than I am.” But the core of mindfulness says, “Let me meet myself as I am, right now.”

That’s the beginning of healing.

Letting Go ≠ Getting Rid Of

Letting go of judgment doesn’t mean you’ll never have judgmental thoughts. You will. The key is not to get rid of them, but to relate to them differently.

When judgment arises, instead of believing it or fighting it, you simply notice:

“Ah, judgment is here.”

This awareness creates space. You can witness the thought instead of becoming it. Over time, this practice breaks the automatic chain between judgment and suffering.

Practices to Cultivate Non-Judgment

1. The "Noting" Technique

During mindfulness meditation, when you notice a judgmental thought arise, mentally label it: “Judging.”

No need to analyze or argue with it — just recognize it and return to the breath or body.

Example: You sit to meditate and think, “This isn’t working.”

Simply note, “Judging,” and come back to your anchor.

This teaches you to observe thoughts without reacting to them.

2. RAIN: A Four-Step Practice for Meeting Inner Judgment

RAIN is a well-known mindfulness tool for dealing with difficult emotions, especially judgment.

R — Recognize the judgment: “I’m being hard on myself.”

A — Allow it to be there, without pushing it away.

I — Investigate gently: Where do I feel this in my body? What does this part of me need?

N — Nurture: Offer kindness. You might say, “It’s okay. You’re human.”

RAIN transforms judgment into a doorway to compassion.

3. Write a Self-Compassion Letter

If you’re struggling with a strong self-critical voice, take 10 minutes and write yourself a letter as if you were comforting a friend in your exact situation.

Use phrases like:

“It makes sense you feel this way.”

“You’re doing the best you can.”

“You’re allowed to be imperfect and still be worthy.”

This may feel awkward at first. That’s okay. You’re learning a new way to speak to yourself.

Judgment Toward Others

Judgment doesn’t just turn inward — we often direct it at others too.

Mindfulness invites us to notice when we are criticizing or labeling someone else. That moment of awareness is powerful, because usually, our judgment of others reflects something unhealed within ourselves.

This doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior — it means observing without immediately reacting, and responding from a place of grounded clarity rather than knee-jerk emotion.

Judgment vs. Discernment

Let’s be clear: non-judgment does not mean becoming blind to truth or losing your ability to think critically.

There is a difference between:

Discernment: “That behavior is unkind. I choose to set a boundary.”

Judgment: “That person is awful. They’ll never change.”

Discernment sees clearly. Judgment distorts. Discernment empowers. Judgment divides.

The Freedom in Acceptance

When we let go of judgment, we don’t become passive — we become present. We stop fighting reality and begin to relate to it with curiosity and care.

This doesn’t mean we approve of everything. It means we acknowledge what’s here, so we can choose our next step wisely.

There is immense freedom in not having to judge every experience. You begin to realize: not everything needs your opinion. Some things just are.

Reflection: Can I Be with This, As It Is?

The next time you notice discomfort — physical, emotional, or mental — ask yourself:

“Can I allow this to be here, without judging it?”

Even if the answer is no — that’s okay. You’ve already begun the practice.

Letting Go, Coming Home

Letting go of judgment is not a single act, but a lifelong practice. Each time you choose awareness over reaction, curiosity over criticism, compassion over condemnation — you come home to yourself.

This is mindfulness. This is freedom.