How to Know If You Have Real Feelings for Someone

Has it ever happened that you are unable to sleep at night and you are just staring at the screen holding your mobile? And this question keeps going on in your mind that "Is this what I am feeling really love or just a momentary attraction?" I myself have asked this question to myself a thousand times. Sometimes his smile feels as if the whole world has become mine, and sometimes his silence scares me as if I am falling into a deep abyss. This is the biggest puzzle, after all how do you know whether what you feel in your heart for someone is true love or not?

Look, the simple truth is that feelings aren't always simple. Attraction, loneliness, habit, love at first sight all combine to make the mind go haywire. And believe me, every girl falls into this trap. So how do we know if what we're feeling is true love or just a fabrication of our minds?

The Confusing Chemistry: Is It Love or Just a Rush?

When we fall in love with someone new, the first thing that captivates us is chemistry. That "spark" that's so exaggerated in movies and stories. Hearts race, sleepless nights, thoughts of that person constantly linger. It's all so intense that it feels like love.

But I've learned from experience that chemistry can sometimes be deceptive. It's actually a play on dopamine and adrenaline in our brains. These chemicals make us feel restless and excited. And we mistake this excitement for love.

I still remember the first time someone started texting me constantly. I'd be ecstatic with every response, and my heart would sink when he'd go silent. At the time, I thought it was love. But years later, I realized it was just an attraction and a fantasy, not real love.

Chemistry doesn't last forever. Attraction may draw you in, but it won't always support you. Love brings you comfort, not anxiety. If your relationship is stuck in this "hot & cold" cycle most of the time, chances are these feelings aren't real, but simply chemistry.

(If you find your partner suddenly pulls away as soon as you get close, this article will help you understand a little more clearly: Why Do Men Pull Away After Getting Close

Limerence: When Obsession Disguises as Love

Have you ever found yourself thinking about someone day and night? Stalking them on social media, interpreting their every little gesture, dreaming of a future with them are all signs of limerence.

The biggest difference between limerence and love is that limerence makes you restless, hijacking your mind. It's often one-sided or fragile. As long as the other person feels the same way, you're happy. As soon as silence sets in, you become afraid.

Love is different. Love is stable, it calms you down. It reassures you that whether there's silence or commotion, you're safe. Obsession weakens you, love strengthens you.

Loneliness vs Real Love

This is another place where we all fall for the trap. Sometimes we become so afraid of loneliness that any person who shows us even the slightest attention seems like love. Social pressure, the "biological clock," and society's expectations push us even more to settle, whether the feelings are genuine or not.

I've seen a friend of mine who held on to a relationship simply because she was turning 30 and feared "time was running out." She would say, "He has potential," but in reality, he never made her happy. She was just filling a void, not experiencing real love.

The difference between love and loneliness is very subtle. If you're in a relationship just to avoid being alone, it's not love. Love is when you can be happy alone, but you still enjoy being with someone.

The Psychology of Real Love

Psychology gives us some insight. Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love explains that love has three pillars: passion, intimacy, and commitment. If there's only passion, it's infatuation. If there's only intimacy, it's friendship. If there's only commitment, its habit. Real, lasting love is a balance of all three.

Attachment styles also play a big role. Women with anxious attachments mistake every silence for abandonment and anxiety for love. Partners with avoidant attachments misinterpret comfort as suffocation, creating confusion. Only those with secure attachments can experience real love in a calm and stable manner.

Meaning, sometimes the problem is not in feelings but in our attachment style.

5 Signs Your Feelings Are Real

1. You feel safe:Real love calms you down. You feel like you're enough just the way you are.
2. You care beyond what they give you:You don't just rely on their attention or gifts. You're genuinely interested in their soul, their struggles, and their little dreams.
3. You accept flaws:Love doesn't mean "fixing." You feel loved even in their imperfections.
4. Future feels collaborative:You don't just need their support for today, you hope to build a future together with them.
5. Peace over drama:Real love gives you peace. If the relationship is always a rollercoaster ride, it's not love.

If you want to know what men really want in a relationship, you might find this helpful: What Men Want in a Relationship.

Reflection & Healing Tools

The best way to clear your confusion is to ask yourself questions:

• Do I find myself or lose myself by being with them?
• Do these feelings give me peace or constant anxiety?
• Am I with them because I want to, or because I'm afraid of being alone?

I started journaling, writing down every day when my heart was calm and when it was restless. Patterns began to emerge. Mindfulness helped every time I felt butterflies, I asked myself: Is this joy or fear? Therapy healed my old attachment wounds. And most importantly, I learned to love myself.

When to Trust, When to Step Back

Not every confusion means a breakup. If the relationship is healthy and it's just your inner fear that's confusing you, give it time. Build self-trust, and gradually, you'll start to understand.

But if the relationship itself is causing you anxiety, disrespect, and manipulation, it's best to step back. Nothing is more important than your peace.

And if you feel you need more guidance, this program may be helpful: click here

Conclusion: Your Peace is the True Measure

How to know if you have real feelings for someone. The answer is always in your heart. If you are feeling peaceful, grounded, that is love. If there is only chaos and fear, that is not love.

Love should be like a home. A place where you can breathe freely. A place where you don't have to prove yourself. And if your heart keeps asking, perhaps the answer is this: Where there is peace, there is love.