How to deal with a bad boss.

How To Handle A Bad Boss: 7 Strategies For 'Managing Up'

If you've got a lousy boss right now you have my sympathy. Truly. It can really siphon the enjoyment from what might otherwise be a rewarding role, leave you feeling undervalued, and wondering whether you should begin searching for something new. But before you start planning an exit strategy, it would be wise to rethink how you can better manage the boss you already have –for all their flaws and shortcomings.

Having worked with numerous not-so-inspiring bosses in my corporate career, I’ve learned they provide invaluable opportunities for developing executive leadership skills and learning 'what not to do' when managing people who work for you. You just have to be proactive in looking for them and ready to practice some real self-leadership.

New research has found that being overworked is not the reason people leave their jobs. A Danish study of 4,500 public service workers has provided credence to the adage that “ .” According to psychologist Matias Brødsgaard Grynderup, one of the researchers behind the study, "We may have a tendency to associate depression and stress with work pressure and workload; however, our study shows that the workload actually has no effect on workplace depression."

However fixed in their ways your boss may be, you can always learn ways to better manage him or her. The secret is to "manage up" without them ever realizing you are doing it. So rather than think of your boss as your boss, think of them as a difficult client - one you have to figure out how to work with if you want to get ahead, even if you’d rather not.

Hopefully the strategies below will help you on your way. Underpinning each of them is a commitment to take responsibility for your own success, regardless of the different (and difficult) personalities you will inevitably have to encounter throughout your working life.

1. Know their 'Why': Identify prime motivations.

The better you understand what your boss does, and more importantly, why, the better positioned you are to deliver results, manage expectations, and avoid lose:lose situations. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see the world, and your workplace, as they might.

What does he care about?

What keeps him up at night?

What would he love more of and what would he love less of on a daily basis?

What frightens him?

How much importance does he place on impressing others?

How does he measure success and what does he think about failure?

When you know what drives your boss (even if your boss may not be fully conscious of it), you can speak to “his listening,” frame your opinions and use language in ways that line up with his core values, concerns and priorities.

2. Support their success: Work around their weaknesses.

While it may sound counter intuitive to support a bad boss in becoming more successful, there is absolutely nothing to be gained by making him look bad, going to war or facilitating his (or her) failure. If he is as bad as you think, he will likely do a pretty good job of that all by himself. Exposing his incompetence will only compound your own misery and may even damage your reputation.

One way is to help your boss focus on his natural strengths. Another is to proactively work around his weaknesses. If you know you have a boss who’s disorganized, then help him to be on top of things rather than whining about his lack of organizational skills. If you know your boss is often late to meetings, offer to kick off the next meeting for him. If he tends to change his mind frequently, or is outright forgetful, be sure to document interactions so you can refer back to them if he ever contradicts himself. If you know your boss is slow to respond, continue to work on a project while you wait to hear back from him. Making yourself indispensable and someone your boss can rely on to help him do his job is a valuable asset when you start to look to 'what's next?'

By doing what you can to help your boss succeed, you lay a solid foundation for greater success yourself. It may not be an immediate reward, but in the long run,

3. Take the high road: Your “Personal Brand” is riding on it.

Never let your boss’s bad behavior be an excuse for your own. All too often, people start feeling entitled to slack off, take longer and longer lunches, lose interest or stop performing well because of their bad boss. Don’t do it. Keep your mind focused on top performance. Complain to your spouse or your friends all you want, but when in the office or workplace, stay upbeat and engaged. Actually handling a difficult boss well can really set you apart. You never know who is watching or listening but be assured, people who can open or close future opportunities for you are doing just that!

While it may be easy to succumb to resentment or resignation and mentally check out of your job, doing so not only undermines your own integrity but it can put you at risk of being branded as whiner, a slacker, or both. So if your boss is a shouter, don't react by shouting back. If they are petty or small minded, don't descend to smallness yourself (however tempting!) Rather maintain a calm and professional demeanour in dealing with your difficult boss. As Gandhi wrote "Be the change you want to see in the world." In this case, act like the leader you wish your boss was.

If you feel you’ve run out of options for dealing with him reasonably, then don’t go rumor-mongering or bad-mouthing him to everyone within earshot. That will ultimately say more about you than it does about your boss (and not things you'd want said!) Rather, follow proper procedures for registering complaints with Human Resources or with higher-level superiors, documenting each step of the way.

4. Speak up: Give your boss a chance to respond.

Early into my career, I left a good job with a global consulting firm because I had a lousy boss and a toxic work environment. Upon leaving, the HR lead - a senior partner at this organization - asked to meet with me to find out why I was leaving. I shared how undervalued I had felt, how the promises made to me upon employment had not been met and how little accountability there was for my colleagues. He was surprised and disturbed and asked if there was anything he could do to make me change my mind. Apparently I'd been ear-marked a hi-po (which would have been nice to have known before then!), but by this point it was too late. I'd already made other plans, hoping for a better work environment, and a better boss.

The lesson for me was this: h . The truth is that I'd been too cowardly to address my concerns with my boss or to go around her. Admittedly I was young (mid-twenties) and inexperienced, but if I knew then what I do now, it would have been that I owed it to myself, and to my boss at the time, to have at least voiced my concerns, offered up some possible solutions and engaged in a conversation about how we could have improved the situation. It may not have changed a thing, but at least I could have known that I at least gave her a chance.

So just because it may be easier to say nothing, to just 'suffer quietly' or complain loudly to colleagues or to head for the exit as I ultimately did, you at least owe your boss the opportunity to respond. Don't prejudge and assume they aren't able to take feedback, or don't care how miserable you are. When you approach them with respect and with a genuine desire to make things work better, you can open the door to whole new levels of trust, collaboration and outcomes. A door that will remain permanently closed otherwise.

5. Know their preferences: Adapt to them.

Observe your boss’s behavioral style, preferences and pet peeves. Is he fast-paced and quick to make decisions? Is he slow to think about things, needing time to process information? How does he like to communicate - via e-mail, in person drop-ins, or lengthy memos? The more you can match your style to your boss’s style when communicating, the more he will really hear what you’re saying.

If you’ve ever done any personality assessments such as Myers-Briggs or DISC, then see if your boss has as well and find out what they are. It can help you adapt your style and spare a lot of strain. Working with his preferences is an obvious way of managing your boss without his ever knowing it, and it’s a key leadership skill to develop regardless of the kind of boss you are working for.

6. Don’t be intimidated by a bully: Stand tall, never cower!

If you feel compelled to call your boss on his behavior, go ahead but do so with a cool head and prepare in advance for the ensuing fallout. It could get ugly so think things through beforehand. What are your options? Who are your allies? Have you documented his behavior? Can you deal with the possibility of the worst outcome? Sure, it’s important to stand strong, but be smart about it. As I wrote in Stop Playing Safe, "Sometimes you have to go out on a limb and do something where the risks are high. But before you climb out, be sure you've managed the risks as best you can and set up a safety net should you fall."

7. Be Proactive: Do your research before jumping ship.

Of course the best way to manage a bad boss is not to have one in the first place. So whenever you are looking to move into a new role in the same company or move to another organization all together, invest some time to get a sense of the culture, the leadership and the sort of management practices that are tolerated and supported. If you are moving internally, make sure you do your networking ahead of time to get a sense of both the environment within the team you might be moving to, and those who are creating it. Are they leaders who create an environment where people are inspired and supported to work hard, or do they incite fear about what will happen if people don't?

If you are moving to a new organization, do your research to make sure you’re not jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Sometimes in our desperation to escape a toxic work environment we fail to take notice of the warning signs that the new job we're taking will only be worse. Have a coffee with whoever you know at the new company to get a sense of the culture, employee engagement, moral, and management style. Investing a few hours up front could spare you a few years of frustration.

Margie Warrell is a keynote speaker and the bestselling author of three books, including her latest Brave: 50 Everyday Acts of Courage to Thrive in Work Love and Life. Learn more at www.margiewarrell.com/books

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02

6 business execs you’ll meet in hell — and how to deal with them

The company ended up going with an alternate product that performed the same tasks much better, for much less. The executive in question did not resign, but he was forced to publicly apologize. He was later fired for other reasons.

“The moral of this story is that vendors sell sizzle, CIOs buy substance,” says Friedman. “Business and IT should be equally trusted partners. But when push comes to shove, to thine own self be true.”

The Technophobe

Some executives have exactly zero aptitude when it comes to the technology that enables them to run their businesses. And you probably shouldn’t expect them to, says Bob Stevens (not his real name), former CISO for a large retail operation. After all, they’re not being paid to think about technology; they’re being paid to sell products.

“The CEO at that retail company was not a technologist,” says Stevens. “He found it totally uninteresting. So when the IT and security teams would present, his attention would quickly wane and he would start answering texts and reading email. He’d say, ‘Unfortunately, technology means nothing to me. I get that it is important to the company and that we have to have it. So I will manage the business value against the cost. Just don’t try to make me understand it.’”

It can be demoralizing, Stevens adds. Worse, because senior leadership doesn’t fully understand the issues in play or the threats to the business, they may not prioritize investments appropriately. And when you try to persuade them that it’s important they pay more attention, they often get defensive, since you are not playing to their strengths.

“You need to realize it’s not an indictment of you or your team, but a vote of confidence,” says Stevens. “The CEO has empowered you to provide options that balance the needs of the company against business risks.”

This is not an uncommon scenario, notes Deb Gildersleeve, CIO at First, a global brand experience agency.

“There are definitely leaders who still believe that everything about the tech is the CIO’s responsibility, with no ownership in the department using the tech,” she says. “You end up spending a lot of time educating them about why they need to take more ownership, over and over in different ways.”

Sometimes executives need to experience the consequences of not paying enough attention to the right things, or see the impact of that on a competitor. And sometimes you have to bypass the decision makers and enlist the support of people who actually work with the technology, says Gildersleeve.

“That’s probably been the most effective way for me,” she adds. “There are usually people in the organization who get it and want ownership of these things. They want their lives to be made easier, so they’re willing to put in the effort. It’s my job to back them up when their manager asks, ‘Why are you working on that?’”

The Excessively Entitled

In addition to managing a company’s IT infrastructure and driving innovation initiatives, many tech leaders are also asked to tend to their boss’s personal IT needs — and sometimes, those of their family.

Many CEOs expect concierge-level tech support, and most of the time they get it, says Len Tateyama, director of IT for Alvaka Networks, a managed services IT provider.

“For many executives, there’s no real boundary between work life and personal life,” he says. “They’re working 24-7. So it’s reasonable to expect you to support the machines they use for work at home. The difference is when they start asking you for help with family stuff.”

The key, adds Tateyama, is establishing boundaries between support calls that serve a business purpose, and those that are purely personal. At three different companies in his career, he has set up systems where requests beyond the scope of the job were handled outside his IT budget.

“I would ask my teams, ‘Who wants to make a little money on the side?’ and then connect my highest performers with the CEO’s personal assistant to work out the payment details,” he says. “We were able to still provide that white-glove treatment, while also putting limits around it. You never just say no to the boss. But you can say, ‘Yes, and here it is what it will cost you,’ and then maybe they will decide to take a different route.”

(Tateyama adds that occasionally executives further down the chain asked for similar treatment. They didn’t get it.)

But going the extra mile and establishing a closer connection to the C-suite can be good for one’s career, notes Dion Hinchcliffe, VP and principal analyst at Constellation Research.

“Junior IT people can become trusted associates of C-suite leaders, and both sides learn and benefit,” he notes. “Thirty-five years ago, my super IT bedside manner landed me the job of supporting the whole C-suite of a Fortune 1000 company. I fixed problems on their business and personal devices, and even babysat their kids when they brought them to the office. I learned the business from their POV, and it fast-tracked my career in IT.”

The Conflict Avoider

When business leaders never want to hear bad news, small problems become big ones, and big problems can derail or even destroy an organization.

“Honestly, the most difficult executives to deal with are the conflict-avoidant ones,” says Jonathan Feldman, CIO for Wake County, N.C. “I can solve a problem if we can have a constructive conflict, but I can do nothing if we don’t even know about it.”

One common difficulty is executives who see no difference between constructive conflict and destructive conflict, or who take well-meaning criticism personally, Feldman adds.

“When people don’t conflict, they end up doing workarounds that are incredibly frustrating, like wasting money on projects that then have to be redone, or forcing people to work late nights and weekends because no one was brave enough to say, ‘This plan is crap,’” he adds. “It gets in the way of making things better.”

Constructive conflicts are always about problems, not personalities, Feldman says. Everyone should get the chance to tell their story about what happened without worrying about getting their heads chopped off.

“Anyone who kills the bearer of bad news quickly joins the ranks of the uniformed,” he adds. “Bad stuff gets buried much deeper, because as a leader you’ve taught people through your behavior that making a unique mistake is not OK. In this scenario, executives whose only source of input is their direct reports are likely to hear roses and sunshine at all times, and it prevents them from taking corrective action when needed.”

The Screamer

Then there are the executives desperately in need of anger management training. Campbell once worked at a well-known global company for an executive, we’ll call him Darryl, notorious for blowing up and screaming at people.

“Calling him ‘abrasive’ would be like calling a great white shark ‘a nibbler,’” says Campbell. “We’re talking spittle forming at the corners of his mouth and veins throbbing in his forehead, just because you used ‘they’ too many times in a sentence.”

When he joined the program, Campbell was the newest member on a team of 24. Then one of the data centers crashed, and Darryl started chopping off heads. Before the year was out, Campbell was the senior staffer. Everyone else had been fired, transferred, or quit.

“The reason I survived wasn’t my business acumen,” adds Campbell. “I’d only been there a few weeks when the data center crashed, and nobody knew who the hell I was. If they had, I’m sure I’d have been fired, too.”

Because he had managed to survive, the company asked Campbell to put together a training program (called Darryl University) that everyone on the team had to go through before they were allowed to talk to Darryl — words that triggered him, topics to avoid, how to phrase bad news, and so on.

“So many hours wasted, so many talented people, so many antacids,” adds Campbell.

There are always two sides to every relationship, adds Feldman. If you don’t like your boss, odds are your boss doesn’t like you. And if you can’t manage to repair your relationship (or if your boss is a sociopath) your only viable option may be the door.

“You’ve got to take care of yourself first,” he says. “That means there are times you’re going to have to go.”

Fortunately, Screamers (like Dreamers, Suckers, and Conflict Avoiders) tend to be the exception, not the rule, says Campbell.

“There’s a ton of bad executives out there. But the ethical, brilliant, hardworking, and moral ones are far and away the most successful.”