How To Build Your Confidence

A book was on the coffee table in our living room when I was a little child. Our living room is a first impression; ours had white tiles and a curio of my mother's most prized collectibles; that room symbolized the sacrifices made by generations past who, through poverty or policy, couldn't afford a curio of collectibles, let alone a middle class house to put them in; that room had to stay perfect; but I would risk ruining that perfect room every day just to see that book. On the cover sat a woman named Septima Clark, her face lifted to the sky.

Her black skin exuded pride and wisdom, and her perfectly formed salt-and-pepper cornrows adorned the sides of her head. Ultimately, I would style my own career after the activist and educator Septima Clark. That one picture of Septima Clark, though, epitomized confidence for me before I even knew what it was, more than any words she has ever spoken. Though it may seem obvious, we often undervalue the importance of confidence. Rather than considering it essential, we view it as a nice-to-have. We value resources and expertise more than what we consider to be the soft talent of confidence.

However, by most accounts, we are better informed and have access to resources now than we have ever been, yet unfairness and other difficulties still exist. We wouldn't be here today if knowledge and resources were all that we required. And one of the key elements missing from the equation, in my opinion, is confidence. I have an extreme obsession with confidence. To be honest, I'm continuing on this journey, which has been the most significant one in my life. The essential spark that ignites everything that comes after is confidence.

The difference between being motivated and truly starting anything, between attempting something and persevering through to completion, is confidence. Even when we fail, confidence enables us to move forward. The book on the coffee table said, "I Dream A World," and that's what I dream of today—a world in which revolutionary confidence lets us realize our wildest aspirations. When I was a teacher, I really wanted to create a world similar to that in my classroom—a scholastic Willy Wonka universe filled with pure creativity.

My students were all either dark or black. They were all raised in low-income environments. They were the very last people this world invites to be self-assured; some were immigrants, some were crippled. Because of this, it was crucial that my classroom serve as a place where my students could develop their confidence and learn how to confront each day with the self-assurance needed to reimagine the world in the way that they see fit.

One reason you might not feel confident enough is that your aim may need to be revised. An excessive amount of confidence may indicate a lack of actual foundation. Not all people are insecure. Because they fit our idealized image of leadership, we in this society facilitate certain people's confidence-building process. While far too many people go through life every day lacking confidence, we reward certain people's confidence and penalize others.

It would be the biggest pity for us to have our finest ideas and goals come to nothing because we lacked the confidence engine. For some of us, confidence is a revolutionary choice. I'm not willing to take that chance. So how can we decipher the confidence code? It requires, in my opinion, a minimum of three things: community, permission, and curiosity. Confidence is nourished by community, validated by curiosity, and born out of permission. There's a proverb in education that says you can't be what you can't see.

Because they fit our idealized image of leadership, we in this society facilitate certain people's confidence-building process. While far too many people go through life every day lacking confidence, we reward certain people's confidence and penalize others. It would be the biggest pity for us to have our finest ideas and goals come to nothing because we lacked the confidence engine. For some of us, confidence is a revolutionary choice.

I'm not willing to take that chance. So how can we decipher the confidence code? It requires, in my opinion, a minimum of three things: community, permission, and curiosity. Confidence is nourished by community, validated by curiosity, and born out of permission. There's a proverb in education that says you can't be what you can't see. I was unable to exhibit confidence as a young child unless someone else did. Every time my family and I did something together, even something as simple as purchasing a new automobile, I used to observe my parents perform the same thing.

A world unafraid of confidence when it manifests itself as a woman, as someone of color, or in any other way than our idealized representations of the leadership archetype. A world that understands that having that kind of confidence is just what we need to unleash the future we desire. I'm confident enough to think that world will materialize and that we will be the ones to bring it about.