Four Techniques That Can Turn Anyone Into A Perpetual Aspiring Writer

If you look at what I spent 8 hours doing four days ago you would not think I was a writer. If you look at what I spent 5 hours doing yesterday, you'd swear to it. This is what I spend my time doing: I put up a WordPress website where I am going to list and offer for purchase all my future writerly output. Did I have to do it? Of course not, that’s putting the cart before the horse; I chose to do it. And herein lies my greatness. Read on and you'll understand.

I am a writer. I used to call myself an aspiring writer. I had to stop. Because I've become too good at too many writerly tricks.

First, you need to understand that writers come in two flavors: published and non-published. Actually, there is an endless array of writers (dead writers, romantic writers, Russian writers, skinny writers, successful, wise, and many more.) but I am interested only in the published and non-published ones because all writers are one or the other.

I have published a short story and a poem once, so technically, I am a published writer. However, both incidents happened in 1985, which is decades ago already. That, I think, makes me have more affinity with the unpublished group. I understand this group better, I feel. I like being part of this group as I believe it is far larger. Besides, there's a much more charm, romanticism in being the underdog.

So, this is the way I've done it for the past 3 decades and I guarantee that you can do it too without much effort.

1. The website is not it: you can only play with code so much before everyone knows you’re just wasting time. "It" is research. So do a lot of research, accumulate a lot of notes. It takes time, makes you feel you are doing the responsible thing. Besides, there is no rule as to how much research is enough, and everyone understands that he who is prepared goes furthest, so you will not have to explain yourself to anyone.

2. Learn. Learn what the masters have done. Learn by reading a lot. Do exercises. Then go back to the masters, notice how far better they are. Then study some more. Because everyone understands that great people stand on the shoulders of dead great people.

3. Learn selflessness. Meditate, pray, whatever, but learn to put your children, your spouse, and your parents' needs above yours. Give them all the time they want. They will not love you more for it, but it’s necessary. Nobody will criticize you: the world is in dire need of selflessness. Besides, you get to feel a bit like a martyr, which is a nice bonus point, no?

While at work (because you must have a job, all these people depend on it, you too) plan out what to write when you get home and over the weekend. It empowers you and makes work seem less... pointless. When you get home, let everyone tell you their problems, sympathize, calm, soothe, drive to the doctor (or to the store, or the gym) anyone who needs a ride. If you do it when they ask, as opposed to planning trips, it takes longer but you do not feel less useful.

4. Attend a writer’s group. Not any group but one that you start. Because you put up the call for writers and set up the place and time, you’ll have built-in authority, and you will be able to do this right. To do this right you must:

a. Allow anyone and everyone in your group

b. Weed out the truly qualified.

c. Make sure you have at least eight members (fewer and your group becomes boring and all stop attending; more and it becomes unwieldy and likely to elect another leader)

It is best if you encourage a couple of divorced men in their fifties and have at least a couple of women in the group. The women, you will genuinely support (as long as they are mediocre or just a tad above that); the men will come because they want to see women up close, does not matter what kind, though they will be more lively if the women are above average looks and at least 10 years younger than the men are.

If you follow the above 3 steps to the letter, you’re guaranteed to have enough participants every week, for years and years.

If you apply the four techniques I’ve just covered, you’re set, you’ll get the respect (self and otherwise) you so richly deserve without having to ever actually show proof.

I just realized that these techniques are full of, how shall I call them, sub-techniques. I think I will go study them, prepare another article. You can do the same. Or you can stick to the original three. Either way, you must apply yourself, do them on a daily basis. Rome was not built in a day. Your career as a perpetual aspiring writer will not, either.