College mental health

I am a 1st year sophomore at Oregon State University in the undergraduate physics program, many people believe I have everything figured out, but I don't. I don't really think anyone knows exactly what they want to do with their lives. We all seem to just be floating on a river directed toward a waterfall and we just have to coast along making the best of our ride until we meet our demise. Our decisions may lead us on different paths but we all end up with the same fate, riding down that dang waterfall. I originally wanted to double major in business and fine arts, but I fell in love with physics my senior year of high school. School is probably stressful for everyone, not only is it a big financial investment, it is a lot of time and effort. It's a huge stressor, you decide to study something that you might end up hating which wastes time and money, It's difficult. I am on the same boat.

I am constantly stressed, questioning if I want to continue with my education. Do I really want to be forced to do physics for the rest of my life? is this what I want to do? Will I enjoy my future? What if I fail? I can’t answer these questions, I won’t know the answer until I am actually working and experiencing it, there is no way to tell if it is worth it. So I sit stressed alone in my college dorm weighing my options. On one hand I can make over $100,000 a year with a career in physics, on the other hand do I want a career in physics? Am I good enough? I feel like I’m the art kid posing as a physics student, it’s tough. I feel like everyone else knows what they want to do and I am the freak that wants something I can’t have.

But I am wrong, I can have this. It is going to be very difficult, but I don't mind that. I love my classes, yes they are stressful and sometimes I feel like I’m the dumbest one in the class... okay most of the time. But I realized it isn’t about being the smartest or getting the best grades... it’s about learning. About opening your mind to new ideas, being able to understand the world on a deeper level. I don’t need amazing grades to prove I am worthy to be here, I want to be here and I refuse to stop learning. You have only failed once you have stopped learning, when you value your grades so much that you loose the point of going to school in the first place. I’ve found that when I start valuing learning over my grade I understand the material better and get better grades consequentially. Yes the stress is worth it but try to stress a little less. Try to stop worrying about whether or not you’re going into the right field and instead focus on furthering your education. Value knowledge, after all knowledge is power.

I also suggest doing things you enjoy, it's okay to take a break. Society is continuously telling us that we need to work, work, work, that working shows our worth, but it isn't true. Just because you work as much as possible doesn't necessarily mean you are happy or successful. What is success if you aren't happy? If you no longer do anything that brings joy into your life? We don't all need to be the same, we don't need to have all the same values, and I don't think we should spend all of our time working. We should remember those who we love, the things we love doing. Sometimes you need to work continuously, sometimes you can't afford a day off, I understand, just work hard now so you can relax later. Remember to love yourself, give yourself the breaks you need, spend time caring for yourself and working hard to become not only a better worker but a better person.