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To my lifelong mentor

from your forever grateful student

By Madi ThomasPublished 4 years ago 3 min read

Dear Caren,

Who knew that a middle school on a farm would prepare for me so much in my future. From milking goats, collecting eggs, shearing sheep, and running a farm business, you have taught me more than I can ever be thankful for. More importantly, you were there for me as my mentor. During days when the world felt like it was crumbling beneath me, you were there, gentle and steady, to remind me where I was. To remind me of the warm embrace of golden afternoons, playing with baby goats and breathing the hay filled air. Reminding me of the bumbling bees and sweet honey, and how it melted upon my tongue. The farm was my sanctuary and control when things felt out of control. I will forever thank you for that.

Now, I am growing up, already in my second year of college. This world is strange, faster and colder than my time on the farm. This world is unforgiving and monstrous. As I navigate, fumble and fall, I desperately grasp at memories of tall grass and sleepy sheep. But I am not there. I am staggering under the weight of responsibility, drowning in the rapids of my own unfolding. I feel in my worst moments that I am losing myself. I can no longer feel the warm breezes of golden afternoons or hear the baby goats call. I can’t hear the chickens cluck or cuddle against soft wool. The barn cats mews are distant and the air constricts me now. The bees no longer buzz. I forget where I am.

I was in a crisis when suddenly, I saw a bee. It was a chubby little thing, it’s wings barely keeping it off the ground. It buzzed past my nose and I felt compelled to follow it. On our journey, I felt the sun kiss my skin and breeze whisper its warm welcomes. My lungs filled with air and I felt like I could breathe again. The bee plopped down on a flower, and I watched as it settled in and pollinated it. For a moment, I felt like I was back on the farm. I remembered how freeing it was to run along the grass, to jump in the pond and collect eggs from angry chickens. If I closed my eyes I could hear the hum of cicadas and the song of mourning doves. I could feel my feet thumping on asphalt as I ran to Browns Corner to enjoy recess. I am not there on the farm, and that’s okay. I’m in college and things are slowly falling apart, and that’s okay too.

Caren, I am a growing adult, and I regret that for some time I forgot all that I was taught in my youth. I almost can’t believe that time has passed so quickly since I was in middle school. So much has shifted and changed in my life since I was child. Through the hustle and bustle of life, I forgot myself. And I am working towards figuring out this new chapter of my future. And in remembering where I am now, I remember where I want to go. On the farm, I was taught that everything has a place and purpose in this world. And as I figure out my purpose, I think about your guidance and I know now to take things slow and at my own pace.

This world is strange and unfamiliar, but I am thankful for your presence that grounds me. I am thankful that we can still keep in contact and share stories and keep each other updated. Even though I am no longer in middle school, I still regard you as my teacher, and I’m glad to have met you in this life.

Forever grateful,

Your student,

Madi Thomas

Humanity

About the Creator

Madi Thomas

just a girl with big dreams

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